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Recovery From Loss

LionduckLionduck Veteran
edited September 2015 in Philosophy

I do not know where to categorize this one, I picked Philosophy so here goes:

As some of you know, I recently lost my brother to cancer. This is not a post for condolences or such. Instead, I hope the others who have gone through and are going through their own losses know that you are not alone. You have many friends, seen and unseen, heard and unheard.

The process you, we, are going through is one we must all must face.
First is the pain, mental and often physical, at the loss of a good friend and/or love one. Don't fight it, it will rise and fall and subside like the waves upon the shore.

In the days and weeks and years that follow, there will always be that empty space. That is OK.

Gradually, with ups and downs, sometimes feeling like a roller coaster of sorts, the feeling of gratitude for having had that person in your life emerges stronger than the loss.

With that also emerges the permission we must give ourselves to feel that gratitude, to smile, to laugh, to live, to use the loss as a way to help others.

Sometimes it is with words. Sometimes with simple gestures like taking a hand, giving a hug, or just being there.
If that is all one can do, it is enough.

Sometimes going beyond words, beyond gestures becomes the action. A few begin movements, crusades to end gun violence or find a cure for a cancer or to create an area where it is safe for children or families or opportunities for the hopeless to gain help and hope.

But first, we must allow ourselves to grieve, then to heal.

Always we must allow ourselves to live.

Though I have done a poor job of it, may some of you, at least, find it a good start.

Peace to all



  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Very well put.

  • silversilver In the beginning there was nothing, and then it exploded. USA, Left coast. Veteran

    Thank you, @Lionduck, those are timeless sentiments and words that help us all.

    Very sweet of you.

  • I believe our species became human when we acquired the ability to grieve over time. I wish you well.

  • DavidDavid A human residing in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Ancestral territory of the Erie, Haudenosaunee, Huron-Wendat, Mississauga and Neutral First Nations Veteran
    edited September 2015

    You just explained the parable of the mustard seed with Kisa Gotami I think.

    Most of us find it hard to deal with death and the loss we feel when a loved one passes on. And it also raises the questions that have always been hiding somewhere in the corners of the mind.

    When I was 8 I lost my Dad. He owned a printing press and back then the ink was poisonous but nobody really knew it and his lungs hardened up on him.

    That started raising the questions in a big way because my Dad had already unwittingly set me on a journey of inner discovery with a doughnut hole.

    The next year my Grandma on my Mom's side passed. The next year around the same time my Mom's Dad passed. Three years after that my Dads Mom died after a disturbing battle with Alzeimer's disease.

    After that the odd uncle or aunt would die every few years and one of my cousins drowned in a hole he dug on the beach (that was an odd one).

    Then 9 years ago my Mom passed. Almost a year later my wife's breast cancer had spread into her brain and took her. 5 months later my oldest brothers son (my nephew that I considered my brother as we were best friends, worked together and sometimes lived together) fell asleep at the wheel and smashed into a big tree. Those three happening so close together and being the three people I loved the most really threw my face into the ground for a while.

    Sometimes I feel very afraid for my fiance and daughter. Sometimes I feel that I am supposed to lose everybody and so it feels selfish of me to love someone.

    Pretty silly in light of everything I've come to accept but it still springs up if given the attention.

  • Thank you folks for your comments. <3

    @ourself said:

    Sometimes I feel very afraid for my fiance and daughter. Sometimes I feel that I am supposed to lose everybody and so it feels selfish of me to love someone.

    Pretty silly in light of everything I've come to accept but it still springs up if given the attention.

    In light of all you have gone through, even in light of what you have come to accept, it's not silly at all. That you able to push through those moments is something to celebrate. Please enjoy the now, the moments you have. Please be grateful for the wonderful treasures you have. Each moment you can love and be loved is more valuable than all the gems in the universe.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I know your losses were painful, deep wounds.
    Yet, despite or rather because of what you have endured, you are a rich man indeed.

    Peace to you, my friend.

    Peace to all.

  • Amazingly beautiful post, thank you @Lionduck and @ourself for sharing. <3

    Much metta for all of us :)

  • Straight_ManStraight_Man Gentle Man Veteran

    Thanks for sharing.

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