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Right Speech
yagr
Veteran
I've been considering 'right speech' lately, as it pertains to another recent post I've made and it got me thinking...
It has been argued, by those whose job it is to argue about such things, that something in the vicinity of ninety percent of all communication is non-verbal. I've only ever thought about 'right speech' in terms of the things I say, but certainly 'flipping someone the bird' would not be skillful. Or an eye roll. Or even a frown. Or... and it sort of boggled my mind. Fortunately, it needs boggling from time to time. Wanted to share and perhaps hear your thoughts on this idea.
2
Comments
I think it's less than 90%, when you take tone-of-voice and actual verbal content.... some put it at between 60% - 75%.... Notwithstanding, I agree, non-verbal communication can say much more than the words ever do, particularly because non-verbal communication doesn't lie. It's a live giveaway (as opposed to a dead one, because once dead it's kinda hard to go much for it, I've found....)
I get fascinated watching people on talk shows, being interviewed, discussing topics of the day. Politicians are great at this. Sometimes, no matter what they say, you can reach out and touch their insincerity....
You can consciously control body-language, if you're conscious body-language is being monitored. You, as a poker player will know this is true.
But in most day-to-day communication, when people are simply not even aware of body language, let alone thinking about it or controlling it, the signs are remarkable to behold....
I really learnt to watch body language when I worked in Counselling. Boy, was that an eye-opener....
Absolutely. The words that come out often matter little compared to the tone used to speak them (or accompanying gestures and so on). We speak with far more than our mouths. You can be kind and uplifting and helpful, or mean, condescending and rude even while saying identical words. I have to help one of my children with this often. He has a superiority complex and likes to constantly correct his younger brother. He has the choice to do so out of kindness and love, or out of ego. We bully people so often with our facial expressions and our tone of voice. Speak with love in mind and everything you say will come out how you want, at least most of the time. Rather than intending to sound positive but sounding exasperated which just leaves people feeling like a burden.
TNH's mindfulness training (basically a reworking of the 5 precepts, or an extension of them) is always what I look to and I find them to be so excellent:
Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivating loving speech and compassionate listening in order to relieve suffering and to promote reconciliation and peace in myself and among other people, ethnic and religious groups, and nations. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to speaking truthfully using words that inspire confidence, joy, and hope. When anger is manifesting in me, I am determined not to speak. I will practice mindful breathing and walking in order to recognize and to look deeply into my anger. I know that the roots of anger can be found in my wrong perceptions and lack of understanding of the suffering in myself and in the other person. I will speak and listen in a way that can help myself and the other person to transform suffering and see the way out of difficult situations. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to utter words that can cause division or discord. I will practice Right Diligence to nourish my capacity for understanding, love, joy, and inclusiveness, and gradually transform anger, violence, and fear that lie deep in my consciousness.
Analyzing one spoke always seems to call upon the other seven... Weird, right?
That's right; but anyone thinking they should be taken in a specific order - or even the order in which they are 'taught', is mistaken. Just as it is impossible to consider which spoke of any wheel is the first in line, so it is inadvisable to assume that the 8 spokes are in sequence, or that any one is more 'important' than the others.... And indeed, one spoke on its own, cannot support the wheel. All have to work together, in unity, to provide the strength required to maintain the symmetry and function....
True... The one that gets me going in circles is Right understanding so it's the last for me most times unless it's the first.
@ourself
This what Bhikkhu Bodhi says about Right understanding.
Hi folks...speaking of 'right speech', I've got a question. About an hour ago, the owner of the ranch came out and asked me what the hell I was doing? What I was doing was working outside in a downpour which he certainly wouldn't have expected me to do - his question was good natured and designed to give me an incentive to go inside. Our exchange after his initial volley went something like so:
Me: Well, remember when you told me that a person can't be too stupid to be a ranch hand, but they can be too smart?
Him: Yeah?
Me: I thought maybe the defining line of too smart might be knowing enough to come in out of the rain and I didn't want to take any chances.
Hmm...come to think of it, this might not have been the best example...but anywho, got me to thinking. I pay attention ensuring (not a typo - just spelled it that way to check @federica s blood pressure) that I don't insult others - even in jest... but what about self-deprecating humor (or humour, depending upon what side of the pond you live)?
You mean, is it not right speech because it insults someone?
Well, more or less...yeah.
This isn't the best example, but perhaps you recall what I told the guy at gas station in another recent thread you responded to? That's probably a better example.
I use self-deprecating humour a lot. Which is different to self-insulting....
In my opinion....
Self-insulting is contrary to self-acceptance.
Self-deprecating just keeps you down a peg or two.... stops you over-filling the boots, as it were...
I wear size 15 (48 in Europe). Smaller feet would keep me from over-filling my boots.
I consider thinking a form of internal dialogue and all expression as speech. It is why I listen to what I say and hear others as part of that potential 'right' expression/being. Guess I am too literal.
I think we just need to keep in mind that speech is part of actions and that all actions carry with them the karmic forces of cause and effect. If we base all our actions with skillful intentions I think we should be fine.