how do I take refuge

skye

I know so little about Buddhism and only recently started reading about it. I have done mindfulness work with a therapist and it led me to this. Finally yesterday, I read about taking refuge. I wanted to cry with relief. I found a Buddhist temple about an hour away from me and I want to visit, but am terrified because I am so scared of people. I keep telling myself that it is too far away for me to travel.

I could try doing this alone, but I am always alone. I am most comfortable by myself, but I feel like I am drowning. I would love to find a teacher

Bunks

Hi @skye - welcome!

Sorry to hear you've been having such a hard time. Let's hope this path (along with your therapy) can help bring some peace, comfort and contentment to your life.

Depending on which tradition you choose to follow, taking refuge can be as simple as sitting in front of a statue of the Buddha and reciting a few lines while thinking about the meaning.

Below is a link to my teacher (Tibetan tradition) and an article and video about taking refuge. The actual refuge vow is at the bottom of the page in italics.

http://thubtenchodron.org/1990/01/sound-direction/

Below is a link the refuge vows in the Theravadan tradition.

http://what-buddha-said.net/sangha/Refuges_and_Precepts.htm

Best of luck! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions

lobster

Hi. Welcome.

It would perhaps be fair to say that for now your needs are conflicted. In such a situation it is reasonable to take personal refuge before an image or statue as suggested. You can work towards a short visit or dialogue with your possible sangha and potential source for a teacher.

@Bunks has kindly offered you support.

I take refuge in the Buddha.
I take refuge in the Dharma.
I take refuge in the Sangha.

Hooray, I iz Buddhist!

skye

thank you so much! I am a little more hopeful about driving to the Temple maybe sooner than later. And it is Tibetan tradition.

The link you provided is so helpful. Now I understand what the three jewels mean. And I do have a lot of questions! I have trouble with the belief of reincarnation. Among a couple of other confusing topics. But I am open to learn about them.

As soon as I can I may PM you.

skye

Lobster, thank you.. yes conflicted seems the right way to say it. My heart longs for peace. But my heart also creates the storms. Social situations are terrifying to me, but a Buddhist Temple may be a different story. I would love to be part of a sangha, as scared of it I may be.

lobster

@skye said:
I have trouble with the belief of reincarnation.

Me too. Ah well ...
http://www.buddhistgeeks.com/2010/10/a-difficult-pill-the-problem-with-stephen-batchelor-and-buddhisms-new-rationalists/

@skye said:
Social situations are terrifying to me, but a Buddhist Temple may be a different story.

Indeed. In time. Don't terrorise yourself beyond your capacity.
Some temples/traditions do silent retreats. You only get to talk to your meditation cushion.

federica

@skye please realise this forum is called "newbuddhist" and was actually originally founded for people precisely as yourself.
Taking the first tentative steps on a Buddhist path.
So, that said, I would urge you to take BABY steps.
There IS no rush. There is NO urgency, it's not a race. You don't have to know everything, immediately. It's not a competition and above all else - NOBODY expects anything from you, that you do not first and foremost wish for yourself.

Nobody is hurrying you, nobody is testing you, nobody is marking your progress and will ever say whether you are good, bad, doing it wrong or that you're not doing enough.

Questions?
Ask them. No matter how many, no matter what they are.
If you don't understand - ask.
If you don't know - ask.

Perhaps your questions will have been asked before.
Well of course they will have.
There are many people who come to Buddhism, and they all seem to ask more or less much the same questions.
That's ok.
We'll respond, give you links, direct you to threads, books, teachings, quotations....

It's all good.

Key word?

RELAX.

Take it easy, and just let things unfold.

Welcome.

lobster

Good advice from @federica

Tibetan temples have gargoyle type scary baddass Buddhass to guard the temples. If you find any you can stand before them and feed them your fear. They love that stuff ...
As we practice we find fear is our friend ... just wearing a mask ...

Eh ma ho. How Wonderful.

Here is one 'yummy Yama' I like to dance with.

Jeffrey

https://www.facebook.com/BuddhismConnect/

Taking Refuge

Lama Shenpen Hookham
Summary: Lama Shenpen responds to student’s questions and reflections on taking the Refuge Vow.

A student writes:

"I am looking forward to taking Refuge later this month. I have just finished Discovering the Heart of Buddhism course, which is auspicious timing, and the introduction to Mandala thinking in DHB 4 has helped me have a much deeper understanding of the Taking Refuge booklet, which I am now re-reading. ”

Lama Shenpen:

That is great!

Student:

"Things didn’t strike home last year when I read about entering and strengthening Mandala connections. This all feels very alive to me now.”

Lama Shenpen:

I am really pleased to hear that.

Student:

"I learnt some time ago that I couldn’t trust in my ‘small self’, that this ‘i’ had no idea how to cope with my life or how to be the caring and compassionate person I wanted to be. I yearned for a real connection with a dharma lineage of wise and compassionate beings, who really are there and in whom I can trust to empower me in ways I cannot on my own. This is why ‘The Prayer of Realisation’ is meaningful on so many levels for me. "

Lama Shenpen:

I am pleased to hear this too.

Student:

"I have heard you speak about allowing oneself to be open to the Awakened Ones on ‘the other side’, as it were. The Prayer says: ‘I open my heart and call to you..’ and then ‘By the power of your Adhistana may I…. both accomplish the end of my ego-grasping and begin having a glimpse of the realisation of Chitta and the world as Dharmakaya'. ‘i’ can’t do that, but ‘i’ can make myself available on a daily basis, through the Prayer, to be within a force-field where this may happen. "

Lama Shenpen:

Yes…

I am not sure whether ‘on the other side’ quite captures what we mean here.

The Awakened Ones are there and present so that we can relate to them as ‘other’ while at the same time they are inseparably of the same essence as ourselves, of the same nature and intimately related to us - in the same way as when we feel someone in our hearts, or open our hearts to someone.

Student:

"I am faced in my everyday life with situations which I find hard to cope with and also press a lot of my ego buttons. Practice is my lifeline here, and I hope is helping me keep my heart open and be as compassionate and caring as I can be. "

Lama Shenpen:

That is wonderful. In difficult situations we can really work on our ‘edges’ as it were - those places where we feel like we cannot cope - and yet we do.

The situation forces us to somehow, even against our will almost (but of course it’s not really against our will), it forces us beyond what we had thought was our limit. But it wasn’t a limit. There is no real limit in the end! Somehow we always find a way beyond what we think is our limit. Only our thinking limits us and even then only temporarily.

This is not the same as being hard on ourselves and pushing ourselves endlessly to do more and more. Sometimes our caring and compassion express themselves by caring for ourselves, listening to our feelings and needs and responding sensitively.

This sounds like two opposing messages perhaps – how to be kind to ourselves when being kind to others? There is a way and that is what we are learning on the path.

Student:

"I certainly don’t always want to be! "

Lama Shenpen:

And yet you do want to be, don’t you?

We feel we have the option of closing off, closing down and giving up on compassion and caring. It all seems too much to bear – and why?

Because we care, because the pain of others is our pain too. Just as we don’t want our pain we don’t want theirs either. We close off the pain and yet our compassionate nature still longs to express itself.

That is why practice is our lifeline. Even just a little more openness of heart helps ease our pain. This is not just a quirky accident. It is because this is the nature of reality itself.

Student:

"And I would fail if left to myself. "

Lama Shenpen:

I understand by this that you mean without the power of the adhishtana of the lineage, of the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha that small self would fail. What can it do except more of the same?

Something more powerful, simpler and alive awakens within us when we open our hearts to the adhishtana of the lineage.

Student:

"And then Joy! I love the open and laughing atmosphere of the Awakened Heart Sangha. This, to me, speaks of the contentment beyond ‘self-clinging mind’. It has a radiance and a lightness which come from release at the depths."

Lama Shenpen:

I smile as I read this. Thank you.

Student:

"For all this, I wish to take Refuge, hoping that I can be of benefit to at least some beings. Thank you for giving me this special opportunity to do so."

Lama Shenpen:

I give it with great pleasure. Thank you too.

lobster

@skye said:
I would love to be part of a sangha, as scared of it I may be.

As @Jeffrey points out, the lineage blessing is already calling to you. Fear does not stop you driving or emailing the temple and asking for a sadhana. Perhaps Guru Rinpoche. He is semi wrathful but totally suitable for the fearful and fearless.

The last time I attended a temple, to my utter perplexity I was in great fear and terror. The definition of brave is not the extent of ones fear, it is the extent of ones action. I will be going again.

Bravo! ... as we jelly wobblies say ...

Cinorjer

If you have a Buddhist temple handy, the biggest step to taking refuge is to go over to the temple and ask them if they have a program for beginning Buddhists. Nobody expects you to know the ceremonies and terms and chants straight off the bat and you need to be introduced to people. It would be just as scary for me to walk into a Tibetan temple the first time.

racerska

Hi skye!
I had quite a bit of social anxiety about going to my local Buddhist temple for the first time. What I found, over time, was a supportive community of people who had many of the same questions I had. I'm planning on taking refuge on New Year's Day during a blessing ceremony.
Ultimately, taking refuge is a personal commitment, but I think the sense of community one can gain by becoming a part of a sangha has innumerable benefits.

skye

oh my goodness thank you everyone! I am so glad to find this website @federica I love that there is no expectation or judgment. No requirement to believe something. And that makes sense to me. I have quite a few years of certain religious teachings that I am recovering from in a sense. I like the sound of baby steps. @lobster what a great link. I think I take the agnostic approach to rebirth and reincarnation. For the first time in a long while, it's great to say that I simply don't know what the truth is. and let me know how your experience is when you go to the temple! Hooray

@Jeffrey, I wish I had more time to respond. I see why part of taking refuge is allowing yourself to be taught by and spend time with enlightened people. And those that seek it. I really need this. I have blocked people out (besides my children) for five or more years now. I understand why there is strength in the three jewels.

@Cinorjer what a great idea. I plan on taking a trip there hopefully soon. I really want to go tomorrow, but we will see. If not I will make the call. At least to talk to someone.

@racerska I am so happy for you and would love to hear how the blessing ceremony goes! Thank you for telling me of your experience of going to the temple despite your fears. I know ultimately everyone is there for the same reason. Unique and alike.

racerska

Follow-up: I did participate in a taking refuge and taking the 5 precepts ceremony on New Year's Day. It was a simple and short process that a small group of us did.
I don't think it made me a different person or anything but I do think there is something to the psychology of taking vows in public that maybe makes the practice more real or meaningful.
That's my view anyway.

I'm second from the right in the pic.

dantepw

@skye do you suffer from social anxiety? I used to experience it (I still do from time to time but in a healthy level) and I started doing some simple social exercises and it is not only being helpful, I actually developed a huge passion for socializing

If you feel like talking about it you can always PM me, maybe it could help you out!

Have a good one. Peace

lobster

@skye said:
I have quite a few years of certain religious teachings that I am recovering from in a sense. I like the sound of baby steps.

Not knowing what the truth is - which you also mention, is a great 'blessing'. Buddha save us from those who know what they are talking about (allegedly).

I am going to presume you are recovering from Christian influence. One of the effects of studying dharma is it gave me insight into what was useful and relevant in my Christian upbringing.

Images of the Buddha are a reminder/commitment/refuge.

I find prostrations come naturally from my martial arts experience but some find bowing strange and subservient. It might even feel idolatrous rather than respectful. No worries.

Dharma, from study and initial familiarisation, through to pathological single mindedness [ahem] is up to us in how little or much we need. Personally I need loads, I am practically a Buddha junky ...

We all find our way ... Bravo to our new Friends of the Buddha such as @racerska