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Anger At Work
comicallyinsane
Veteran
Tonight I got very angry and threw a breadstick pan while at work. I was angry because I am the only one who does any work and the whole management structure is corrupt or untrained. I couldn't get the 2 pans apart while doing the dishes from the day shift and one of th elazy employees came over standing there yacking about me having to take a delivery. I just threw th epans and walked away into the walk in cooler. I felt better but at the same time I felt ashamed for losing it. I don't lose my temper often. Maybe once a year, maybe. I did do this a few months ago at work for the same reason. I told the shift manager that I didn't want to close anymore. I am scheduled to leave at midnight but I have been staying until almost 2:00AM everynight. I am not supposed to leave until everyhting is done but no one else has to follow this rule. I ask my General Manage why th e day driver didn't finish his dishes and she replies "Were they busy?". And I ask her why it should matter. I tell her I have to finish whether it's busy or not. She complains about th elabor but sh eis still paying it out by paying me to stay late. I have started looking for another job. I know I will have bad experiences and bad emplorers but at least the next job won't destroy my car for no money. That's the othe rproblem with this job. I get no tips and when my car breaks down I have to pay to fix it. I know I shouldn't get mad but do yo uall think it's right what they are expecting of me? Thank you.
Comic :banghead:
Comic :banghead:
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Comments
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Couple of tips, if it helps at all...
1)"Don't get mad - get even". even though i don't personally hold with this advice, mine would be more on the lines of - "There's no rule against anger - just learn to channel it to your advantage"..... Try to get to the bottom of what really angers you about the situation... it's not that you couldn't get the pans apart - it's not even the employee asking you to do something else.... it could be your employer having double standards, but we're all guilty of that.... No, you're mad because your good nature is being taken fro granted.... but if we don't give others the impression in the first place, that we're a walkover, they will be less inclined to treat us like door-mats....! We have to show others what we stand for. They equally have the right to know what we WON'T stand for. If folks are taking advantage, it's because they believe they can. And you've given them 'tacit' permission. You see? Examine your rights. read your contract and work to its' guidelines. Point things out, plainly, clearly and patiently,a nd say that this is how you intend to work from now on. And tell them you're seeking alternate employment and that you may need time off for interviews. I don't know about the USA, but in the UK, if you are looking for another post, providing you explain this to your employer, he/she is legally obliged to give you time off for interviews. do your homework and take charge of your situation!
2) Will this be important in six months' time? The answer is likely to be 'no, not really....' In that case, why give it the power to bug you Now?
GOOD LUCK!! Federica.
How lucky you are! You now have a direct and recent memory of being angry. What could be more useful?
There are many texts on anger in the Buddhist canon but none is more useful that the focused awareness that we can bring to bear on our very own anger.
I can notice this or that aspect of another's anger but it is only by examining my own that I begin to learn the seeds that I am watering: ego-grasping, self-loathing, lack of patience, etc. And we can also examine the "feel, look, sound, smell and taste" of my mind when I am angry. The better I get to know how I go about getting angry, the easier it becomes to counter it with its opposite: patience.
Yesterday was a perfect day to test my patience. For some reason the public was a little worse as far as moods. I know everyone has their bad days, but my gosh, do you have to take it out on me? lol You have to be patient and that is the hardest thing to learn. I wanted to explode so bad, but I just kept my cool.
Remember comic, just breath! lol
Comic:
I can relate. Yesterday, I had a serious run-in with another woman over her bullying daughter. This kid has some serious problems and she likes threatening my daughter and her friend. She also kicks, bites, slaps, and hits my child because my child stands up to her and tells her to go away if this other kid wants to start trouble and that she does not have to take any of her garbage. Yesterday was the absolute limit for me: This kid shoved my daughter down, proceeded to hit my child and called her a "Satan Worshipper" because of ignorance about not knowing what being a Buddhist actually is. In Anderson, Indiana---if you are not a Christian---you are automatically a Satan Worshipper." That is how small-minded some of the people are around here. This kid had to have heard it that kind of narrow-minded talk from hearing her mother and her mother's husband talk like that. What happened was that my daughter's friend's mother heard all of this crap going on and called me on the phone to tell me since I was upstairs in my apartment and I cannot see what goes on in the back yard. I said "Well, that's it; I cannot handle this stuff anymore!" I stomped down the sidewalk to the kid's mother's house and this mean kid was outside and proceeded to get really verbally abusive to me and I told her to knock it off; that I wanted to talk to her mother about all of the stuff that was going on. This woman was sitting on her front porch upstairs and started being verbally abusive and threatening to "kick my ass" and all of this junk. I just looked up at her and told her that she needed to stop being such an ignorant bi*ch and teach her child some better manners and to not hit my child anymore. I then proceeded to tell her if she was such a bad ass then why did she not come downstairs and tell me to my face all of her bullshit instead of from the safety of her UPSTAIRS porch. That shut her up and I then told her to keep her child away from mine and that mine would not be allowed down around her house anymore. I felt better for standing up for myself at the time but after I cooled down; I realized that I was just as wrong as she was. Neither one of us were setting good examples for our children. What really scared and bothered me was this: If that woman had come down from her porch to get in my face---well---I would probably have hurt her very badly since I am a first degree Black Belt in TaeKwonDo. I stayed up just about all night thinking about all of what happened and I came to these conclusions: 1) I had allowed my anger to get the best of me and I should not have allowed that to happen, 2) I had allowed myself to be manipulated by others, and 3) That I needed to seriously look within myself to find out just what caused such an outburst on my part. I also called Master Kim and told him what had happened. He and his wife were very supportive and we talked about my flying off the handle. I felt better after talking to Master Kim about it all. I then decided to chant about it and I feel much better now. I have learned some important lessons like that I am a human being and that I will screw up now and then. I also have learned that I need to learn to not let others upset me so much because they are so narrow-minded, and that religious intolerance is just something that will happen if I choose to be anything other than Christian around here. I do have to say that not all Christians act like the way this narrow-minded woman and her family act, however. But the most important lesson I think that I have learned is this: That I need to look within myself and ask myself why is this person or situation bothering me? I know that I have droned on and on so please forgive my long post. I guess I just needed to get this out of my system.
Adiana :banghead: :banghead:
:bigclap:
We must all find the path by stumbling upon it. Mistakes are essential - it is the role of those on the Dharma path to learn from them and continue to move forward.
Bless you Adiana, for sharing with us.
a deep bow.
Yeah, I need to work on my anger issues too. When I read your original post, I also agreed with Fed; that you probably got mad because they took advantage of your good nature. It really irks me when people think they can do that to me as well. I guess as I walk along this path of Buddhism I have chosen that I will learn in time to control my temper better and better.
Adiana
I to work in a retail establishment ( Custom Car Shop). I understand when customers come in angry or upset. It is usually because they are frustrated about something that they can't handle. What gets to me is the language they use. Like cussing me out is going to make it better for all concerned. Being that I am the office manager, I usually get to handle these customers.
The first thing I do is listen, because between the cussing I can usually get to the heart of their problem. And by truly listening it seems to calm them down, especially when I can tell them what they have told me without all the cussing and am able to handle the situation.
My co-workers sometimes are amazed at the way I can handle this abuse and not get upset about it.
I tell them just to think about what they would feel like if they were upset over a problem, and thought they would have to fight with an establishment to get their problem fixed. And that there is no real reason to take it personally.
Although I do wish that people would be a little more considerate of the language they use. They usually leave with a sense of accomplishment at the fact tthat they were able to get something done about their problem. And We do get alot of repeat business because of this.
Some people just like to look for fights, especially in retail. We always simply asked them to leave.
.......and this is an even worse indictment of our society and culture!
Every evening, Jason, since i 'met' you here and heard your story, I have added thanks to my evening reflections that I do not have to work at such a morale-sapping job. And I 'send' such thoughts of comfort and support as can cross the Atlantic!
I can understand the extremely emotional state my coworker was in. I was the junior manager at the time and the upper management gave to me the completely onerous and horrifying task of firing this woman whose son had died recently. I quit my job soon after that.
Thank you very much Simon. I am tearing up a bit. The hardest thing is that the county I live in has the number one unemployment rate in the country. I found this out a month after I moved here from Las Vegas, the number one employment city in the country. When I lived in Las Vegas I could get a job within hours. Here I applied at about 30 places and I only got a call back from maybe 3. I was so frustrated. I have about 6 years management experience and one time I saw this guy I knew working at a place I had applied at 4 times. This guy was in college and had to ask me once about a common history question. He wasn't very bright. He got fired from the gym I went to for being too lazy to wipe down the equipment and the owner asked him almost everyday. Here I am with a family and a house to care for and here he is living with his parents and doing poorly in college. I just have to hold on for 10 more months. My wife is starting massage therapy school and after 10 months she will get a decent job and I can go down to part time and finish getting into shape so I can go to underwater welding school and then we can move to a coastal town. We plan on renting out the house when we do. I figure owning a smuch property as possible is a good thing. That way f anything ever happens we always have a place to live and if we ever need serious medical care we can always sell some property.
It's worrying that anybody in society believes they have the right to abuse other human beings period. It's even sadder that here we perpetuate it by convincing a portion of society that they are "always right."
I think a lot of time people like to act tougher with people who have something to lose. People are funny creatures. If someone bumps into someone else they say sorry and the other person says no problem. Accidentally do something wrong while driving and say sorry and the person gives you the finger. People feel safe behind that wheel. The same goes with the telephone. People act tougher on the phone and less in person. I would go nuts if I worked at a call center. It makes me think of when someone is going to fight and they yell at their friends to hold them back. LOL
That seems dead-on right. I think you can even say the same thing about people online; all you have to do is read the forums on fark.com one time to see anonimity creating a series of insane monsters, each attempting to bloat their ego just a LITTLE bit more than everyone else.
And political forums...sweet jesus those are even worse!
:banghead:
I threw the cup and the remaining liquid within it across the room and screamed a word that rhymed with "truck".
A couple of days later my co-workers who were present advised me they were scared for their safety when that happened. I must remember that I am a bit intimidating looking so I should be careful about expressing my anger.
Comicallyinsane, I'm sure your co-workers are aware of your martial arts practice and probably get a little pucker-factor when you go off
Shantideva wrote much on Patience as a counter-practice to Anger, and a wonderful modern take on these teachings can be found in the writings of Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso of the Kadampa tradition.
Patience has been described as "Nirvana in Samsara".
I don't know. Sorry. He is a radical psychaiatrist and a co-founder of Transactional Analysis with Eric Berne.
Studying Buddhism and Yoga has done so much for my life, but I really notice it when I am driving. I have to drive in some awful traffic and when people cut me off, I used to get really mad, but now I just give them more room to get in. And if I am driving and accidentally do somehting that really irritates someone else and they start flipping me off, I feel compassion for those people rather than get angry with them. I think "Wow, how sad that something so small can frustrate this person so much!", and I send them some love! I would hate to be that angry ALL the time!
But, even when I get aggravated - I don't have fits of road rage.
Just think....
Someone cuts you off or flips you off. Buddhism, Christianity, Wicca, Islam or whatever - what if you decided to speed up or put on the breaks or followed someone or raced someone and... there was a fender bender? Or a collision where someone was injured? Or because two angry people were busy trying to teach the other a lesson that a pedestrian was injured?
You could just end up being pulled over and having to explain your actions to a police officer...
Or worse yet, the death of someone to a judge/mother/father/son/daughter because your rash actions had caused the injury or death of another person.
I would feel awful.
Michael