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Tied into a scam I never wanted to be a part of. Please please PLEASE help me!
I am so incredibly stressed and worried and feeling trapped right now, and at a loss as to what I should do to get out of this.
A couple months ago I became friends with a guy who lives just a few doors down from me. We've been hanging out at his place just chatting, and every night watch Jeopardy together. Overall it had been a good friendship.
He's on welfare and having a lot of money troubles, of course. He's behind on the rent, never has enough to eat. I do what I can for the guy; I've bought him cigarettes and brought over some food every now and again, and he's very appreciative.
But then he starts telling me about how the food bank barely gives him any food, not enough to live off of. He asked me to come down to the food bank with him and pretend to be his roommate and ask for food for myself too, which he would then take for himself and viola, have enough food.
Well I have very strong moral reservations about scamming in any sort of way, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings since he's having such a difficult time. So I said I couldn't do it because it's too painful on my sciatic nerve to take the bus downtown (which is partially true). I also said, quite simply, that I don't feel safe about not getting caught since they ask for ID and you need to register yourself in the system.
I thought that was that, and I wouldn't have to be involved in this. Now all of a sudden he's told me that he met with the guy who runs the place, said his "roommate" (me) lost his ID but needs some food, and that he convinced the guy to come to his house and deliver the food and meet with me. I was just over at his place this morning and his phone rings, and just like that he puts me on the phone with this guy and tells me to just go with the lie. I was completely panicked - just suddenly flung into this scam that I never agreed to - and so without any time to think I went with the story.
I gave a fake name and date of birth, and the guy is saying that later I need to come down to the office and register. I told him I'm on disability (which I am), so I'm afraid he's going to check the system for my (fake) name. The "friend" who put me in this position says "oh it's fine, just don't ever go down to register, say you're in too much pain to take the bus". Well if the guy is willing to deliver the food, he's probably at some point going to offer me a ride down to the office.
My "friend" constantly reassures me that the manager's not going to check up on my story, that this whole lie isn't going to get more elaborate and tangled and ultimately fall apart. Well I'm sure he'd reassure me of anything just to get what he wants, and nothing ever goes as planned. Besides that, I absolutely can't morally condone this. I never wanted to be a part of this; it's like I just turned my head for a second and suddenly got grabbed and thrown into this. Now my "friend" will, of course, be caught in the lie if I don't go through with it.
I can't have a criminal record; there's so many things I want to do with my life. I really hope to be a doctor one day, and a computer technician which I'm training for right now. What the hell do I do? I'm scared to death right now; I never thought I could be put into a position like this as long as I never agreed to anything. But here I am, feeling trapped.
A couple months ago I became friends with a guy who lives just a few doors down from me. We've been hanging out at his place just chatting, and every night watch Jeopardy together. Overall it had been a good friendship.
He's on welfare and having a lot of money troubles, of course. He's behind on the rent, never has enough to eat. I do what I can for the guy; I've bought him cigarettes and brought over some food every now and again, and he's very appreciative.
But then he starts telling me about how the food bank barely gives him any food, not enough to live off of. He asked me to come down to the food bank with him and pretend to be his roommate and ask for food for myself too, which he would then take for himself and viola, have enough food.
Well I have very strong moral reservations about scamming in any sort of way, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings since he's having such a difficult time. So I said I couldn't do it because it's too painful on my sciatic nerve to take the bus downtown (which is partially true). I also said, quite simply, that I don't feel safe about not getting caught since they ask for ID and you need to register yourself in the system.
I thought that was that, and I wouldn't have to be involved in this. Now all of a sudden he's told me that he met with the guy who runs the place, said his "roommate" (me) lost his ID but needs some food, and that he convinced the guy to come to his house and deliver the food and meet with me. I was just over at his place this morning and his phone rings, and just like that he puts me on the phone with this guy and tells me to just go with the lie. I was completely panicked - just suddenly flung into this scam that I never agreed to - and so without any time to think I went with the story.
I gave a fake name and date of birth, and the guy is saying that later I need to come down to the office and register. I told him I'm on disability (which I am), so I'm afraid he's going to check the system for my (fake) name. The "friend" who put me in this position says "oh it's fine, just don't ever go down to register, say you're in too much pain to take the bus". Well if the guy is willing to deliver the food, he's probably at some point going to offer me a ride down to the office.
My "friend" constantly reassures me that the manager's not going to check up on my story, that this whole lie isn't going to get more elaborate and tangled and ultimately fall apart. Well I'm sure he'd reassure me of anything just to get what he wants, and nothing ever goes as planned. Besides that, I absolutely can't morally condone this. I never wanted to be a part of this; it's like I just turned my head for a second and suddenly got grabbed and thrown into this. Now my "friend" will, of course, be caught in the lie if I don't go through with it.
I can't have a criminal record; there's so many things I want to do with my life. I really hope to be a doctor one day, and a computer technician which I'm training for right now. What the hell do I do? I'm scared to death right now; I never thought I could be put into a position like this as long as I never agreed to anything. But here I am, feeling trapped.
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Comments
If this guy is manipulating you, he's doing it because you're letting him.
It's very simple.
Just say, "sorry, no". and close the door.
Compassion as a Buddhist, is an important attribute to develop. But it has to be counterbalanced by Wisdom. Otherwise it becomes Compassion, spelt D-O-O-R-M-A-T.
And I'm sure you don't want that reputation.... do you?
_/\_
I don't know the situation where you are, but where I am, a person who is on disability is eligible for the food bank and various food pantries (I know, because my son is disabled). As well as eligible for food stamps. If it isn't a bother, and you want to help, you could try applying on the up and up...and giving it to the neighbor if you don't need it.
Good luck.
I want to be as flexible as I can with this post so forgive me if it comes off as strident in any way.
If I was in your position the first thing I'd do is make myself understand clearly that this neighbor is not my friend at all. A friend would never do to you what he did. A decent person who doesn't even pretend to be your friend wouldn't do what he did. He's not your friend. He's a liar and he can't be trusted. I wouldn't have anything more to do with him. I wouldn't talk to him or even wave at him in passing. Nothing.
The second thing I'd do is call the man from the food bank and tell him everything you told us. I feel quite strongly about this. Come clean for the sake of your conscience and karma. This was not a lie of your making. Your neighbor may get into trouble but that will not be your fault. It will be his. You should never, ever, sacrifice yourself or your future, especially for the sake of protecting a liar who thought nothing of exploiting you.
So that's what I would do and I would be able to face myself in the mirror and sleep at night.
I hope this situation ends well for you, Tree. You don't need the added stress.
This guy really isn't a terrible person; I think just very ignorant and desperate at the moment. The issue seems to have disappeared in the last several days - with him not mentioning it at all - so I suspect he may have just gone down and picked up said food for "me". But I'm absolutely certain now that if it comes up again, I'm telling him "No" in no uncertain terms, no matter what pressure he might put on. I knew I should do this all along of course; I just didn't assert myself right away because I've been too exhausted/fragile to face any potential conflict. But that doesn't matter; I won't bother fighting with him about it when/if it comes down to it.
Thankyou for your replies/advice; it helped a great deal to hear a reaffirmation of what my mind, deep down, was already telling me I should do.
It doesnt really matter if you consider yourself a buddhist, it's just an easy excuse that can't be argued with it. Regardless of what they try to argue with just repeat "I am a buddhist, I can't" or "it's against my religion, I can't".
Don't cave into people. Be selfish, solve your own problems. It seems to me that everyone I watch is always trying to solve the problems of the people around them when they all have so many of their own to solve. If you solve your own problems you will be much more capable to help others with theirs.
And let go of your worry, your anxiety. I know that you really feel it, but it doesn't mean it has a positive basis in reality. You are going to be just fine, really.
If you lived near me I would come hang out with you I think we would get along just fine.
And regarding the man, you are probably right that he isn't a terrible person. Very few people are. Most "bad" people are actually just confused.
Goodness how true. Otherwise how would they know? They weren't born holding a user guide after all.
Thanks Fede. Food for thought.