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Help with depression
Hello all.
I dont mean to moap and bring a somber topic to an otherwise cheery site, but I'm up a creek without a paddle.
I wanted to reach out to you all, the only source of person to person buddhist learning I have, to ask if anyone has any good ways to cpoe with depression in a buddhist fashion. Or at least has some words of wisdom to help me on my way.
I'm medicated, undergoing treatment that isnt going so well, and loosing friends day by day due to my lathargic and downtroden mood.
anything helps...
I dont mean to moap and bring a somber topic to an otherwise cheery site, but I'm up a creek without a paddle.
I wanted to reach out to you all, the only source of person to person buddhist learning I have, to ask if anyone has any good ways to cpoe with depression in a buddhist fashion. Or at least has some words of wisdom to help me on my way.
I'm medicated, undergoing treatment that isnt going so well, and loosing friends day by day due to my lathargic and downtroden mood.
anything helps...
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Comments
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As far as ways that I used to get past my depression were to really apply myself to learning and understanding the Buddha’s teachings of Dhamma. A strong understanding of the four noble truths is a very good start. Once we truly except that the suffering comes from our mind alone and not external sources then we can apply ourselves to watching over our mind all the time and cutting off wrong thinking as it comes. A good understanding of impermanence is also quite helpful. Once we come to terms with impermanence we begin to see all the stuff that angers, stresses, and depresses us cannot last. It all will form, peak, and fade away just like everything else. And the single most important thing that I found helped was meditation on a daily basis. Meditating no matter if you feel like it or not, eventually your mind will calm and find a peace and the troubles of the day will fade away as your understanding of the previous 2 subjects become more and more clear.
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Take one day at a time, stop thinking about the past, what’s done is done. And stop thinking of the future to far ahead, speculating about what may happen or placing desires on things that may not happen will only bring you more suffering. I wish you the best of luck my friend.
As a lifelong sufferer, I hear you.
There are no easy answers. Some depressions respond well to medication and we can assume that there is a chemical aetiology. There may be for all depression but, as the Dhammapada says, "mind comes first". So, we who live with depression know that it is going on in our mind.
There are lots of 'tricks'. My own favourite and the one that works (for a short time) for me is to bring myself into the present moment by looking at a leaf or a blade of grass and describing it (silently if I'm in company - I don't fancy the men in white coats) in detail: colours, shapes, feel, taste even. After a few moments, I am back in the here-and-now.
Another coping strategy of mine is to make a stranger smile.
Talking therapy has helped from time to time and a daily practice of meditation (not too much at first, it gets discouraging).
We do lose 'friends' because we are a pain - and it's a vicious circle because isolation is our enemy too.
Thich Nhat Hanh suggests doing something, anything, well and to the best of our ability. It's great advice. Doesn't matter what it is, so long as it fits with your ethical system. Just do it well and better and better.
In the end, if your depression is chronic rather than acute, you will learn to live with it, just like living with any other disability. How you do that will be up to you: the power is in you, in the end, my friend.
And do remember: this is a serious condition; you have the right to be cared for.
I do, but not very consistantly. Either from people being around (as im still a "closet buddhist", and shutting and locking my door isn't an option) or lack of motivation. But I do feel it's calming power. However I tend to meditate after a good day, which are few and far between, and not really when I need it. I guess part of my trouble is that I start to relish in my anguish. It's a sort of guilty pleasure because I can let go and say "f*** it it's not under my control, and it's easier this way". Which is exactlly the WRONG thing to do both from a psycological and buddhist standpoint.
Anyway without rambling I wanted to say thanks Simon, Kenny, and Fivebells for the very prompt posts. It was nice to see your messages first thing in the morning (:
And if there's anyone elce feeling this pain then please let us all know.
Remember, bottling it up is mistake number 1
I hear you there. I do this thing where I sort of romanticize my suffering and indulge in lengthy flights of negative fantasy. I have no idea why. Recognizing it though, I think, is the first step to overcoming it. Personally, meditation helps me by improving my ability to control my own mind. The awareness and concentration I slowly and gradually obtain from meditation helps me to be mindful and present when I'm not meditating.
Does that make any sense at all? I didn't sleep well last night, lol. :crazy:
We're rooting for you, keep in touch!
I don't suffer from depression (I was blessed with a panic disorder/anxiety instead) so I don't have much to add except that the advice you've already received here sounds really good.
I really just wanted to say two things:
First, meditation will help you. Make sure you're doing it correctly and appropriately for a beginner and don't overdo it, as Simon said, in case you become discouraged. No extremes. Moderation, moderation, moderation. But it can't help you if you don't practice it. It's really important.
Second, you never, ever, have to apologize in any way whatsoever for coming here to ask for help or advice or anything else. This is a community of caring, empathetic, wise, varied, interested human beings and you belong to this community. We help each other. I'm still amazed at how much this community has helped me through the last 4 years. This is where you supposed to come when you're lost and need a helping hand. This is your soft place to fall.
So make yourself at home.
Like thevoid said, we're rooting for you, cheering you on.
Something I do, which I learned from Ajahn Chah's teachings, is ask myself "Can you endure it?" If the suffering is unbearable I get help. But if it's not unbearable, asking myself if I can endure it immediately strengthens my resolve to allow it to be, to endure it with as much patience as I possibly can. Let it run its course, whatever it is. I know it won't last forever because everything is impermanent so if I just endure it with patience, bring my mind back to the present moment constantly, and keep practicing meditation, it will eventually pass.
I just reread what I wrote and I don't know how much help it will be but at least you know one more person who cares about you.
I agree with Brigid: meditation is the key factor in a Buddhist approach to this kind of emotional disturbance. And meditation when you're down, if you can stand it, is hands down the best time to do it. Not just to improve your mood, but also because it accelerates the transformation.
yes it does. Its like it's easy and relieving to wallow in your own self pitty rather than try and better yourself by saying "no" to negative thoughts and actions. But on days like today, I just feel like doing everything in my power to rid myself of "unskilfullness" (my spelling sucks) as Buddha put it.
So I guess i'll try to propel myself off these positive days and keep in mind all the helpfull meditation tips you have provided for me to practice
thanks again friends
The Buddha taught that, in life, there are inevitable problems. It is in cultivating an understanding, energetic orientation to this quality of life that we find peace. Buddhism can actually be somewhat dangerous if you are depressed because the teachings can be easily interpreted in a depressed way. If you find yourself becoming more withdrawn, less energetic, less "present" in your everyday life as a result of your practice, you are likely using Buddhism to dissociate from experiencing your life fully. I have had this happen to me personally, and it can be very difficult to find equilibrium again. It is important to remember that Buddhism, unlike depression, is about opening to life, not closing off from it.
http://www.feelinggood.com/
I found it very hard going for two reasons:
One:
I think it would be helpful to go through it with the assistance and guidance of a trained therapist who is sympathetic to Dr. Burns' work.
Two:
I don't actually suffer from any type of depression, (other than occasional and mild) so the relevance was lost on me.
But I do believe it to be an extremely valuable piece of work, and well worth investigating, from the POV of one who may well reap the benefits of studying it.
Normally, once I finish with a book, I give it away or donate it to some worthy cause.....
But I have kept the copy I have, if only to dig deeper in the earnest hope of gaining insight into the minds and temperaments of those cursed with depression....
However gearhead, if you'd like to follow up stuka's suggestion, I'd be glad to forward you my copy.
Agreed.
ps. Im sorry to be such a cryptic...its this bad habit...i just cannot seem to break....like a code of myself
Dialectical Behavior Therapy is an attempt to explicitly combine CBT with mindfulness practices.
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hey all, sorry it took me a while to write back :P
Thanks for all your help and support! I'm doing much better and starting to cope with the fact that I dont need my "friends" to make me better and to feel good. Of course it does help lol
So I wish the best to all of you and hope to continue conversing on the rest of the site
I'm in exactly the same situation.
I recently searched online for help with this, and some things I found helpful were:
"When feeling depressed you can think, "I'm exhausting so much of my negative karma to have depression that I've accumulated throughout countless past lives". Rejoice! You should feel great joy about finishing the karma instead of seeing the depression as something bad... For example when you wash a dirty piece of cloth, the water becomes black with dirt. You don't see the black dirt as a negative thing since it means the cloth is getting clean. In the same way, when you practice dharma negative karmas can ripen causing you to get sick because you're purifying so much negative karma by practising dharma. So you should rejoice when you get depressed!"
That was REALLY hard to read at first & it made me feel bad, but the next day it was like a revelation and it made sense of a lot of things, and I felt I could pinpoint what was making me depressed, attachment, etc...
but I still get extremely depressed and don't think anything else has worked...even if I start feeling better I get down again really easily...those thoughts^ were the only things to make me feel better at all, and I can't always remind myself of them...and if I try to meditate I feel like I can't calm my mind and I'm doing it wrong...
I haven't read others responses yet, but maybe that helped a little...well i'll read the rest now!
Well....since I am a buddhist grand master... i'll tell you this ultimate reality meditation technique..For this you will need to prepare a glass of water with ICE in it and keep it next to you. or just some cool water.
Lie down on a bed or comfortable couch..... let us begin"
Relax and breathe for a few seconds...
notice your body....
feel the acceleration or MOTION of the planet earth,
as we fly through space....
feel your body's atomic matter changing
and transforming,
like you are made of a trillion little ants..
no part of you is still.
you realize the bed you are on and the ground it's on,
are not still..
your mind is not still..
you are on something like a rough stream...
feel yourself float down the stream , enjoy the ride
until you eventually outlet into the ocean.
nothing matters.
think of many things, whatever you want,
after all you must be depressed about something,
think about it,
grasp it tight in your hands, BUT after,
open your hands
drop those thoughts- they aren't important
where you're going.
Drop these thoughts under you into the ocean
as you float along.
Leave them like a ship leaves waves in its wake..
float along. watch the thoughts sink into the bottomless ocean,
you might see them again, its okay
let them sink again until they are out of view.
..you float along, .........
if you want you can sink yourself,
into the depths,
you don't need to breathe or anything
so don't worry
..feel the cool, be swept away, surrender.
All your thoughts, worries and pains ..
belong to the ocean....
After all you are ocean.....before you were born
you were this ocean...
after you die you will be ocean....
you are an ice-cube
that floats along in this pure water,
separated only by the state you are in now..
melt.
Return to this place forever
you can meet me there.
When the time comes that you have to make choices in life,
do them there.
When you have to figure out how to beat some problem,
do it there.
im not sure what you mean friend. mind quoting what your talking about in the strand? so then we have something to converse about
quite an interesting method! certainly worth a try, why not tonight?
nite nite!
oh ok. a good point. but in my situation questions would be asked and I would end up having to let my parents in on my little secret. (there pretty one sidded on the religion issue, to my dad i'm more than likely going to hell) so hence my dilema...
but I want to say again how good of a point you made on the "I don't believe in breathing" bit. a lot of people go off and say that all eastern mind body methods are somehow linked to religious practice. but of course my parents are some of the manny who are ignorant to this.
if it was up to me I would walk around with a dharma wheel tattoo on my hand to show the masses. but as it turns out, we live in a hipocratic, harsh and egotistical era... so god forbid anyone should know your different lest you be stoned to death or burnt at the stake lol
mabey thats one of my problems... not sharing my inner beliefs and/or being stiffeled by ones I dont believe???
lemee know what you think!!!
Hello and Gassho.:)
To understand depression one must first understand what depression actually is. Depression is anger that has nowhere to go, so it gets turned inward and becomes depression. If you feel depressed, you should ask yourself- "why am I angry?" Once you get to the root of this anger, then perhaps there will be insights forthcoming which will enable you to transform that anger into compassion [Metta] and Wisdom [Prajna]. It is the manifestation of one's own Buddha-Nature through Right Mindfulness, Right Thoughts, and Right Actions that will enable you to do this.
Remember that above all you are a Bodhisattva, that is: an awakening being. You are also a manifestation of the Dharmakaya. What does this mean? It means that are empty. What does that mean? It means that you are empty of an independent seperate "self". You are connected through the chain of being [cause & effect] that leads through your parents, their parents, all the way back to the Big Bang and beyond to all previous Kalpas. It is your karma (actions) that has brought you here to this site, it is excellent karma that has brought you here to this digital Pureland, and we are all greatful that you are here.
Namu Amida Butsu
Namu Amida Butsu
Namu Amida Butsu
my thoughts exactly
you sound very informed my friend, a textbook reply.
i'll take all of your wisdom in stride, contemplating and applying it hopefully. good to see the mental part of buddhism is still alive and kicking in some people! lol -including all people in this post
and what does the "namu amida butsu" mantra translate into???
However, that hardly does it justice. Amida Buddha is the Buddha of infinite light and life and is, for Pureland(Shin) Buddhists the embodiment of Buddha-nature, Emptiness, and Enlightenment. In Zen they say "sit...just sit." In Shin they say, "listen...just listen." Different ways of finding the truth of the Buddha. Hope that answers your question, sir.
As for your “secret” study of Buddhist scripture, I believe that you should continue with what works the best for you. If studying and following a path in secret is the most viable option for your situation, then you should follow it. Your beliefs are your own and nobody can walk to the path to nibbana for you, so what exactly is with the desire to tell everyone of your beliefs?. The Dhamma is a gift to the world from the Buddha which helps us enrich our own existence and we can never achieve such a state if we continue to rely on others for self-actualization.
I wish you well on your path, friend.
~nomad
Thank you for posting. Apart from opening your heart to us you are giving us an opportunity to practice and so we should be grateful you posted. We are not like your other 'friends' who desert you in times of trouble.
I had depression from 13 years old until about 3 years ago.
Therapy is wonderful.
The right medication is essential.
Exercise makes a huge difference.
Eating less saturated fats and cutting out processed foods.
Meditation... Yes, but once you've done the rest. Otherwise I'm pretty sure what you'll really be doing (unguided, untaught, alone) is naval-gazing and feeling yourself going into the mental quicksand that is depression.
Buddhism will help you find a maintain your true self but to be open to it's message you need a minimum of internal calm and security first.
This is my experience of depression. Wanted to share it with you.
Hey everyone,
sorry it took me so long to reply to these latest posts, iv got some good and bad news.
the bad is i had a huge backslide on my condition. the person who put me over my emotional edge (a girl) came back into my life in the form of harassing text messages. no more detail than that tho i'm affraid. i was the most angry i have ever been i think in my life. and i never get angry...
things were looking down, i lost some more good friends, go figure.
but the good news... i'v since came back around and found a good way to deal with all this. or so i think i do. i'v put into practice being on my own and not needing or wanting as much social interaction as i once had. some wisdom i'v picked up from master Dogens work as interperated by "sit down and shut up" by brad warner. (author of hardcore zen which i am halphway thru) his reflections on social ailienation are fitting to my situation and have been observed by me to great results. keeping myself aloof from all the mindless chatter of the people i'm usually around is quite intoxicating, or detoxicating if you see it that way. but either way im just happy to be on my own and not be appart of anybody's "pack/group".
so to stop my rambling i'll just say thanks to you guys for all the tips and i just wanted to update you
keep posting!!!!!!!!!!!
You sound like you're in a much better place now and I'm very happy for you. Your post sounds wise and healthy.
Thanks for the update and keep going. Patient endurance is your real friend and will never abandon you.
I'm new to this community and I just finished reading this thread and I have a few things to add that might be helpful. I'm in recovery from schizophrenia and depression. Medication is definitely important but so is individual therapy and a mental health support group. If you can and haven't done so already, look into these possibilities in your community. There's a national organization called NAMI (National Alliance On Mental Illness). They have an excellent website with many, many online support communities for all kinds of mental illness including depression. Here's the link: http://www.nami.org/ Please check out their online communities and start talking to other people who are suffering from depression. NAMI also has some face to face mental health support groups, so look to see if there's one nearby; if not, go to your local counseling center and ask about support groups. They may be able to direct you to one. Here's another link to help you find self-help groups nearby: http://www.mentalhelp.net/selfhelp
There's a tendency with people who suffer from mental illnesses to withdraw and isolate themselves; it's a tendency that's hard to break out of once you start it. Try not to do that. It's better by far to reach out to others and maybe even help others as they help you. Helping others is very healing. Also, you have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed about, if you do, so don't buy into the stigma that tends to surround mental illnesses. Fight it. You may even find that in fighting stigma that you become an advocate for others like as you begin to get better.
If you can manage it, stay creative -- start a blog, paint a painting, learn a new language, do craft work, write a song, anything, just start something soon. I'm an artist, but when I was too ill to paint or photograph, I learned how to crochet and do other kinds of craftwork until I was better and then I returned to art school.
If you are really stuck in a depression where you can't do much of anything, get audiobooks from the library and just listen to them. That's what I did when I was suicidal. It got me out of myself and into other people's stories, also I learned things that way. And it just gave me time to get over the worst of the depression.
About Buddhism--I am not yet a Buddhist, though I've been moving in that direction for many years. Try listening to audiobooks by a nun named Pema Chodron. After my last and final breakdown at the end of 2001, I bought a six tape program by her called Awakening Compassion: Meditation Practice For Difficult Times I'm not sure if that program is still out there, but she's done many recorded talks on the subject of using the problems in one's life as the basis for Buddhist practice, for waking up. She is funny, honest and very accessible.
You could also try a practice called sending metta or lovingkindness to yourself and others. Sharon Salzberg is a really good teacher for this practice. She wrote a very good book called The Art Of LovingKindness She also has audio programs and tells good stories. Maybe go to her website where you can listen to parts of them. I began sending metta to my voices around the time I got the Pema Chodron tapes and in the last 7 years there's been a positive transformation of them to the point where they became more lovingkind than hurtful. In the practice you start with yourself and then progress to those you love, to those you like, to those you feel neutral about (like strangers in the street), to those you actively dislike. You do this gradually. All I can say is, though it's not easy, it is very liberating to love your so-called enemies.
Sorry this is so long, but I hope some of it helps you to get on the road to recovery, because it is possible, if you take some basic steps towards it. Good luck too!
May you be well,
Kate
"CBT has some good ideas, but it tries to approach them too intellectually. You can't simply reason your way out of most emotional reactions. Buddhist practice is helpful for this, because it trains for the capacity to experience such reactions without believing them.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy is an attempt to explicitly combine CBT with mindfulness practices."
I agree whole heartedly with this. There are some beautiful self-help books have some great reads and perhaps none I have come across are any better that Byron Katie's "A Thousand Names For Joy". It is very simple and effective.
Jon Kabat-Zin wrote of the book "Such joys as these may be hard to swallow at times, which is exactly why entering into Katie's process of inquiry may turn your life around. Her 'way' of experiencing directly how we persist in imprisoning and harming ourself by believing our mostly unexamined thoughts may be the deepest and most loving cognitive therapy of all."
From my personal experience, I have seen people experience their lives turning around from depression in this way. Not everyone granted, but enough feel relief and it is well worth the effort.
Where her approach diverges from most CBT approaches is that she doesn't label things right or wrong. Acceptance of all possibilities is the key. No labelling good or bad. It is much more open minded than standard CBT.
I recommend the book.
Namaste
Hello Gearhead,
I have also suffered depression for over 10 years now, I find that many attachments seem to further depression, attachment to the past and worry about the future are things I had to let go of the help myself.
Although I may not be at the level of depression some people are I have had my fair share of bad times.
All I can say is practice the Dharma with wholeheartedness, love yourself no matter what and other will love you too. Attachment was my root cause but may be different for you?
Do you meditate if not then I really suggest you do as you can face a lot of inner turmoil right here, right now instead of running away from it like I did. Finally i managed to change my whole person through facing my thoughts and mind straight on.
If you do meditate stick with it and don't let thoughts and emotions become controlling or lasting just face them and move on.
I lost a lot of friends once too through selfishness and depression, and with the change now I have many better friends and feel loved as I love myself.
I hope this helps and isn't too vauge.
with metta,
Steve
hey everyone.
thanks for all your comments and sources
sorry to hear about some of you in the same position. its is tough, no doubt about it. but i cant help but wonder... how much of it is me? self loathing and what not, or if there really is any?
lend me your thoughts
The pain you feel because of your guilt, may be the making of you. It could be a great time to begin questioning what you believe, and examining how it effects your life. A chance to let go of a lot of crazy making attitudes that have served as an anchor in your life. This all may very well be something you can be thankful for. The choice is yours.
Namaste
I wanted to cover a couple of issues:
Drugs: they are essential. I thought they would make me happy. All they did was make me able. Damn. That meant I had to clean up the mess--physical and mental--left by the depression. Everyone's body chemistry is different so it's somewhat unlikely that the first one you try will work. So if Prozac doesn't work (for example), bail and ask for something else.
Meditation: Nobody around you needs to know and frankly it's none of their business. I meditate a lot at work and I have to make it look "normal," so I do. When I get up to get coffee I make it a walking meditation. If I'm waiting for a large file to load (I work in front of a computer) I pay attention to my breath for a few seconds. When you are walking from one place to another concentrate on your breath or the pressure of your feet on the ground. You can turn whatever you are doing into a meditation. Thich Nhat Hanh is big on washing dishes, paying deep attention to every movement and sensation. You can even meditate while you pretend to read a magazine--trust me, I've done it!
And keep in mind that when you think "I suck" or "The world is a steaming pile." Those are just thoughts like any other and just as insubstantial.
We're not always bound to succeed in a normal fashion, and the weight of peer pressure bears down upon us. It is the pressure of normalcy and peer influence that turns our own mind upon us, like a rabid dog gnawing at our comfort blanket, and revealing our vulnerability. A depressed mind sometimes creates myths about the self and our being, which is arguably a symptom of frustration at being unable to succeed. We more we put ourselves in those situations the more helpless we feel.
Instead of turning inwards, walk away and be somewhere else. There are other avenues of development to explore, and the important part is that these are not invalid routes. Instead of doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome, we come to understand that our poor methods are helping to thwart and threaten our psychological wellbeing. The basic changes and abandoning of wrong or unhealthy thought processes is the start of renewal. Our weaknesses become our strengths when we correctly perceive them as weaknesses instead of subconsciously replaying former 'tried and true' routes, that are in fact false.
I have suffered having a mind, but in embracing new activities however small, I fight on another day. I feel more passionate about the things I do and my successes are not small, by comparison, because by comparing myself I subject myself to the real or imagined disapproval of 'others'. I get to feel the same measure of success, as quality is a finite resource that we are all capable of no matter what it is we value.
Winning is sometimes part of overcoming ourselves, and arguably, a noble and worthy Buddhist activity. We overcome the doubting thomas, and through small changes our psychology eventually remedies itself. we work to an improved code of conduct, manner of speaking, and effectively forget the fuss and turmoil that formerly restrained us.
Get well soon!
I heard that on NPR, I think. Your link is dead but I read some other stuff on the subject and formed a preliminary conclusion (pretty much all my conclusions are preliminary. Must be that Buddhist thing.).
People expect more from the drugs than they are going to get. As I pointed out in my first post, all they really do is make you able (damn!). You have to do the rest. If you expect the drugs to make you happy, you are going to be severely disappointed.
When people are clinically depressed they are usually depressed for quite a while before they get treated. Life is filled with suffering and people often don't realize they are depressed. Or in the more modern phraseology, life sucks and then you die. So people can't distinguish between depression and unhappiness. They feel the same. Whatever you do becomes your practice. You practice depression and you get good at it.
So then you get your first prescription of Zoloft or whatever and you are lucky and it works (Zoloft actually made my depression worse, go figure). You still have the habit of being depressed. So you have to start practicing not being depressed and that can be a bit scary. Talk therapy is very helpful (though expensive) and mindfulness meditation is also extremely helpful. The results will not be instant.
In my case I was in talk therapy for years before Prozac came on the market. Talk therapy alone had no effect at all because my depression suppressed my verbal abilities. After I started taking Prozac, I could start talking and engaging in therapy. I have been on antidepressants of one kind or another pretty much constantly since then. And the rest, as they say, is history.
and about those verbal abilities. Since the above turning point, I've written seven books.
We're all individual, so what works for one, may not work for another. The best thing we can do is be aware of all the possible treatments and try different combinations. Also life is in flux and what may not have worked one year, might work another year. So don't give up trying things out.
About self loathing or self denigration, the only treatment I can see is cultivating lovingkindness towards oneself and then extending it to include others. But first you have to recognize when you are putting yourself down. Meditation and mindfulness can spark awareness. I think a deep awareness is the first step towards a lasting positive change in habitual patterns. The hard part is dedicating at least part of each day to your practice.
Kate
Thanks, <a href="http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/120089694/abstract">this</a> is the article I intended to refer to. Pulled it from an old post without checking. Glad it's working out for you, though.
The difference can also be what creates the problem in the first place. What is impacting on them can be very different and people have different ways to develop self loathing/doubt/harm. Some people have negative experiences with drive-by attacks on themselves as you have described, and others have deep convictions or beliefs that they are unworthy. Some people have behavioral habits that convince them they are unworthy. Some may have a poor body image of physical pain that convinces them they are no good. Some have memories of things that have happened to them that denigrate them. They may have emotional problems that create their issues. They may be living in a situation where they feel unworthy.
Self-awareness is very important.
I'm feeling really bad this week, and wondering if I should go back on the anti-depressant drugs.
I used Aropax / Seroxat / Paxil / whatever you call it, for about six months. It was grand, I totally came out of my depression. It made me full of energy and sociability, and I suddenly got a new job and a girlfriend, and I was happy and it was wonderful. (pity about the lack of sexual interest - a side-effect of the pills. Good for monks!)
I came off the pills about a year ago, and now I think I'm sliding back into depression.
I've got a couple of good books on it, The Zen Way Through Depression and The Mindful Way Through Depression. They are helpful.
I am also maintaining my daily meditation practise. It definitely helps. For example, tonight I was feeling really bad, triggered by an unexpected and noisy party happening next door. I put in ear-plugs and meditated for about 10 minutes, and suddenly I felt about 50% better. Still in a blue mood, but not suicidally down.
Hmm... anyway, I just wanted to show my appreciation for this topic, and everyone's thoughtful replies. Thanks!
I came upon one of my old emails from last year...
I don't feel a need to do anything about my spiritual nature when I'm on the pills. When I am not on the pills, the vital spiritual nature of existence, existentialism, is much more important. I can ignore that if I'm on the pills, which is bad.
Grrr! But things are so good on the pills.