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How do we deal with sexual desire?
reproduction instinct is good for our species. right?
but the more I look the more I see a ridiculous exaggeration or perversion
of this basic instinct, in myself and the media/friends/the world.. maybe it's because I'm a young guy...and I believe I've been programmed a certain way.
or more like, BRAINWASHED...
here's a question: save the life of two ugly gross fat dumb looking people
or the one life of the most beautiful smart looking supermodel/person on earth?
......i'd pick #2, is that ok?
but the more I look the more I see a ridiculous exaggeration or perversion
of this basic instinct, in myself and the media/friends/the world.. maybe it's because I'm a young guy...and I believe I've been programmed a certain way.
or more like, BRAINWASHED...
here's a question: save the life of two ugly gross fat dumb looking people
or the one life of the most beautiful smart looking supermodel/person on earth?
......i'd pick #2, is that ok?
0
Comments
Lust is nothing more than a fruitless desire, like gorging on a thanksgiving supper to the point of sickness. You can see how indulging in either one can lead to sickening effects.
don't try to repress\, but don't over indulge. try your best and walk a middle path In time you may find you have less and less desire.
One must first decide whether they are actually interested in it.
However, in general, ethical views are the way to manage it.
Ethical means non-harmful & beneficial.
Buddha placed the emphasis upon women.
Ideally, a man is focused upon a woman's needs & goals rather than his own.
So if a man wishes to support a woman with her needs & goals in life then its cool.
Just my opinions of course.
The media and advertising play on our desires in general - seeing beyond that is good.
_/\_
In exactly the same way we deal with any other form of Desire.
The specific desire is immaterial. How we deal with it, is what counts.
Palzang
Cold showers have been found to invigorate and thus heighten sexual desire in men.
As the scrotum is outside the body, for the purposes of maintaining a cooler-than-body- temperature for the production and storage of sperm, it's easy to see why the above suggestion is a fallacy.
or should that be....
'phallusy'....?
So DO take a shower.
But a very, very hot one.
Anyway, this desire is powerful... it's seriously perverting my ethics ..
Or....
How....?
So...?
So go and get laid then. Nothing wrong with that.
I wish I could meet a intellectually deep, kind girl, and have , what's that thing you fall in...LOVE?. If i found that one, I wouldn't even care if we didn't bump uglies.
I wonder what that's like.
but anyway my ethics are skewed, I see myself as not a lover of women, but a hunter of prey...
I'm sure Buddha would tell me I have some kind of brainwashing or delusions...and that the truth is we should treat all women like our mothers or something..
And there's no need to do any of that. "No strings attached" sex isn't a bad thing in itself as long as both parties involved are knowing, consenting and willing.
You have summed up Buddha quite well.
Usually human beings engaged in such behaviours are "lonely", "lustful", "fearful", "desparate", "searching" and the like but definitely not "consenting".
For example, when one is hungry and must eat food, it is not so accurate to describe such behaviour as "consenting". It is "hunger".
The same, if I visit a nightclub or even consider the single women I know, there are numerous I could easily seduce.
Consenting implies some measure of 'free will' and objectivitely, such as when a parent or guardian gives their consent for a child to do something.
~nomad
Lust may be a powerful motivator, but one always has control over one's actions.
Once again, I find myself watching from the fence on this one. I think there's a middle path between flagrant promiscuity and strict marriage-only prescriptions (or even celibacy). Where exactly that path meanders, I know not, but will be sure to chime in if and when I find it.
Yes. A woman is also capable of just wanting sex from another person. Why is there this preconception that if, as women, we don't get to see that person again, we've been used???
Just don't hurt people.
And if you agree to sex knowing very little about someone and feel hurt that they want nothing more... Well it's up to us to take responsibility for why we went to bed with someone we didn't know and who (their being no attachment) legged it afterwards
It appears you alone brought up the specific matter of "being used". That said, a man can feel as though he has been used.
So are you saying we "take responsibility" after we have committed an action with someone we know little about rather than beforehand?
Is that responsible?
How can this be done if you agree to sex knowing very little about someone?
Society alludes to the fact that women will want more, men move on. The all men are b******s theory.
It's my perspective on Takahnase's comment that no strings sex is ok if it's consensual.
I'm saying by agreeing to sex with someone we don't know we take responsibility for the fact we don't know them and as such things are less predicatable than they would otherwise be... But responsibility comes before the event (and after the event if we then want to 'reframe' the experience).
Of course you can avoid hurting someone if you have sex with someone you don't know. You remain respectful and do it with the right intention.
What is hurt? Pain. I guess our responsibility is in the intention towards the other. It's the only bit we have control over.
My perspective is no strings sex is ok if it is actually free from hurt.
That said, it is like eating a meal.
Even if harmless, it does not contribute towards spiritual development.
Kind regards
DD
I'm in absolute agreement with DD on this.
Additionally,seeking sexual pleasure with strangers is a pretty pointless activity in general, which can result in STD's as well as potentially dodgey situations. A friend of mine foolishly got very drunk, went to a hotel with a stranger, and ended up in a very scary situation.
.
It is not pointless. It gives you a high and makes you feel alive. Consider this, who is happier, Hugh Heffner, or the horny guy who never gets laid?
Who is happier, the frustrated lonely sexless man who can't fulfill his desires and fantasies for beautiful women, or this playboy who is in the game? http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Collage.htm
I rest my case.
Of course, fulfilling sexual desires can make you addicted and a prisoner to them.
But that doesn't mean deprivation is better.
STD's are overhyped. Most STD's are curable. I know guys in Pattaya and Angeles City, Philippines, who have bagged hundreds or thousands of girls, and all the STD's they got were UTI or Gonorrhea which were treatable with antibiotics. The AIDS scare is very exaggerated and there is like a 1 in 800 chance of getting it from an infected person even if you have sex with them.
(For lay members): Aware that sexual relations motivated by craving cannot dissipate the feeling of loneliness but will create more suffering, frustration, and isolation, we are determined not to engage in sexual relations without mutual understanding, love, and a long-term commitment. In sexual relations, we must be aware of future suffering that may be caused. We know that to preserve the happiness of ourselves and others, we must respect the rights and commitments of ourselves and others. We will do everything in our power to protect children from sexual abuse and to protect couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct. We will treat our bodies with respect and preserve our vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the realization of our bodhisattva ideal. We will be fully aware of the responsibility of bringing new lives into the world, and will meditate on the world into which we are bringing new beings.
(For monastic members): Aware that the aspiration of a monk or a nun can only be realized when he or she wholly leaves behind the bonds of worldly love, we are committed to practicing chastity and to helping others protect themselves. We are aware that loneliness and suffering cannot be alleviated by the coming together of two bodies in a sexual relationship, but by the practice of true understanding and compassion. We know that a sexual relationship will destroy our life as a monk or a nun, will prevent us from realizing our ideal of serving living beings, and will harm others. We are determined not to suppress or mistreat our body or to look upon our body as only an instrument, but to learn to handle our body with respect. We are determined to preserve vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the realization of our bodhisattva ideal.
http://www.mindfulnessbell.org/14trainings.htm
Its scientifically proven to reduce sexual desire over time.
Look it up on google or somethin
it depends on what you choose to focus on. sexual desire can motivate a person to unskillful actions akusala; pornography, paedophillia, etc
when i avoid sexy images, sexual desire is minimised.
i dont believe sex drive is beyond our control.
are you sure you are at the right forum?
Sexual misconduct is not sex. Its misconduct about sex. Being dishonest (with oneself or with another) about sex is misconduct, but I can't see where such issues connect with Dharma in terms of the "pure sex."
Sure, attachment to sexual desires, like attachment to any desire, is going to have dharmic consequences, but it all smacks a bit of the masculiniastion of doctrine to say the Buddha was against sex in any specific sense.
The world over, when you let men dictate the doctrine, when it comes to sex, its pretty clear a whole lot of "man baggage" gets injected into the belief system.
Mat
no it isnt.
the common interpretation that you would find on google about "tantric sex" is a made-up new age fad that in no way resembles the practices of tantric Buddhism.
what you were describing was the new fad. The purpose of Tantra is completely different than any sort of sexual desire reducing methodology.
Its related to something different entirely.
Maybe they were approaching tantra from a different direction? Eg from behind?
Im not afraid of it, we just cant know. He may well have been a woman:) Or 5 people:)
Dharma is all that's important to me:) Its all we can know for sure;)
This depends. Ask which one is going to put out first.
Sexual shit like this...is animal shit,
I'm trying to get away from my inner animal shit.
that's what my.......
Buddhism is for!!!
My inner animal :skeptical
want's to devour, feast upon, and sink it's teeth and other things..
into EVERY possible desire and addiction, until it gets sick. It's never satisfied .... and it knows that now, with experience...
so the only thing it knows how to do now, is go overboard, and reset.
it's almost....cyclic...
desire.....cycle? this sparks some kind of thought, i dunno....?
How much time can you really spend doing it anyway without disruption?
Carry on...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQe2EK5T3VQ