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Anger
Fenix
Veteran
I,ve understood that bad actions, words and thoughts produce bad karma and suffering. But isint it ok that I hate this one guy and imagine bad stuff to him if I never act on them or let them influence my actions? I mean I just hate him so much, hes such an a**hole
and my ex girlfrined, everybody hates them naturally anyways?
thanks for any answer, good or stupid.
and my ex girlfrined, everybody hates them naturally anyways?
thanks for any answer, good or stupid.
0
Comments
Does it feel good to see your ex-girlfriend?
what i understand so far is that we create our emotional state and as such we can change them. it arise from our contact , then feeling follow by craving- aversion and finally grasping and becoming.
Hating someone causes negative Karma for you as you have a negative state of mind when hating someone. This can plan a negative seed within yourself which will grow if you continue to feed it with negative hateful thoughts you manifest within.
For every moment you spend hating this person, you are only harming yourself because you are creating causes and conditions for your own future suffering.
This person acts out because they suffer, all they want to be is happy like you or I.
You should meditate on these feeling noting them without comment and send loving, kind energy to this person when you picture them in your head.
You will learn to see this person and yourself as one, loving this person and not seeing them as an enemy or problem in your life.
I hope this gives you some insight into your situation.
Namaste.
My first thought was that I could follow him to his car, park, and kick his ass. (He was smaller than me.)
Then I realized that he is me, and I am him and how my anger in the moment was just a projection. I realized he is Buddha. I could not longer be mad. It was a very powerful experience.
Haha that brought a smile to my face! Very good it may have only been around 7 month since i started studying / practicing the Dharma but i truly believe I'm learning day by day. My affliction for learning as much as I can must be working.
Kids these days. So full of love. :P
A problem with giving up anger, is that to do that, one has to deny that it exists. Telling yourself it does not exist like saying "I don't hate him" is denial as well.
The rut is not being able to accept your own feelings. What a great opportunity to sit with it. What a great opportunity to be able to understand yourself. Rather than expending all of your energy trying to get rid of how you feel, can you accept it? Can you explore it and learn from it?
Pema Chodron describes three poisons (or Klesha, the messy stuff) as medicine. She says "whatever you do, don't try to make these unwanted feelings go away". She further describes three objects that are always "triggering our passion, aggression and ignorance." Craving, aversion and indifference. This hatred (aversion) you feel has a story to tell.
Instructions can be found here:
http://www.buddhanet.net/metta.htm
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
I am new 2 this forum and yours is one of the first I read
I used 2 be VERY angry and I know it's no picnic!
Since meditating I am FSAR less angry.
Have you tried any meditation?
Here is one I found -
How does it feel to be angry; pleasant or unpleasant?
How does the other feel; pleasant or unpleasant?
Would the situation have changed if I had been more calm and patient?
Was the situation completely outside my responsibility?
What was the reason of the others' behaviour? Is it caused by attachment, anger, ignorance, frustration?
What exactly made me angry; a stupid mistake, stubborn or selfish behaviour?
Do I never make such a mistake? Do I always treat people perfectly?
Can I expect others to be perfect all the time, when I also do not manage that?
Try to become angry at the real reason: attachment, selfishness, inconsiderateness etc.
Try to become angry at my own selfishness, anger, attachment etc.
Can I forgive the other for their human imperfection.
Take a few minutes to review the meditation session so far, and try to reach a one line simple conclusion.
Now concentrate very strongly on the conclusion without thinking about it, just focus on your feelings.
Comes from this page -
http://www.viewonbuddhism.org/Meditations/anger_aversion_meditation.html
Hope this helps
then I suggest..:
"give in to your ang-gah, and your hatred will give you powah"
-dark lord of the sith..
confront this guy and tell him you have a problem with him, tell him you would like to fight him immediately.
I suggest immediately going for the take down, mount him and ground and pound.
If it even goes that far, this guy might pussy off if he is indeed a ***, and then you will feel great having beaten him easily without fighting him and thus establishing your dominance.
If you win the fight, same thing.
If you lose the fight, you can try again any time.
this is the POWAH....OF THE DARK SIDE :crazy:
that is, if you aren't skilled enough to be a , light side of the force jedi..
what does a light side jedi like me do? ......think about it.....that's right JEDI MIND TRICKS vs the weak minded...think about it hmm
I'm sorry TF, but I don't think this is skillful advice. I know we were all kids before and school yard scraps are a part of that for some of us, but I don't think this is wise.
Holding on to hatred is like holding a hot coal, it only burns the person holding it. If you hate someone, I doubt they think about it as much as you do. That is assuming that they think about it at all.
I mostly think this is your joking around TF, but I wanted to post that just in case. If you typed this in joking please disregard.
there's two ways to approach these types of issues, the dark side and the light side.
It's either you do it properly light side style. Or you go dark side on the guy, which is a type of good "bad" experience. I've given into hatred before I became a light side buddhist/jedi...and it taught me a lot.
Who knows how to be good then a person who knows bad? hmmm?
but by no means is the dark side the more skillful of the two..
in reality Mr.Fenix there are always dumb ****s and little *****es, annoying *****s etc.
You should show this guy compassion, if he is bothering someone without realizing it, he is a sad case..and if he does it on purpose, he's a ****** so.... give him a break...poor guy might have a mental condition. Or he is desperate to validate himself and/or be recognized...etc..
I used to have some assholes in highschool, that would bother me.. they use to be the most facetious guys, some of them jocks style, but then about 3 years later I found out they were beat badly by their fathers, had family issues, and problems, and now they have basically been stuck in highschool mode that they clinged to, not advanced in life.. even now a decade later.
think about in a decade, you'd want to look back and say "I actually helped that guy somehow, or I tried my best to help him out", no matter how much he may or may not be the dominating character between the relationship of the two of you...
I tend to view and treat people as I do wild animals. I love animals, and accept them as they are. We don't fault a skunk for spraying when it feels threatened, do we? The skunk is just behaving according to its primal impulses. People are no different. They will often behave contrary to our expectations or desires, and that causes us to feel angry, or threatened. The problem isn't them, it's us. If we simply accept them as they are, we will not feel threatened. We can look at them with compassion, while remaining mindful that they may be unpredictable, or even dangerous. You can't change them, you can only choose how to interact with them, or avoid them altogether.
People who act with disregard to the well-being of others are not necessarily "bad." They often suffer even more profoundly than us, and are worthy of compassion. That doesn't mean you give them a big warm fuzzy hug. This is all about you, your perceptions, and your own suffering. Hatred is something you do only to yourself. Hating others is hating yourself. Let it go.
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." ~ Buddha
(Note: I put the word "hatred" in quotes in the second line.)
I know this is a Buddhist board and all that and I may be going out on a limb but, TF, I think what you are suggesting sure beats the paralysis of hatred this guy professes. I believe that you've cautioned him not to do any real harm, but just to engage personally.
Of course, I may be wrong, but my recollection of growing up is that people have to go through some rituals or whatever.
Obviously, Fenix, you enjoy carrying this hatred around. It breaks the boredom up a bit. But perhaps a little release might be in order, too. Carrying negative emotions around ad infinitum is not healthy and can cause psychological problems in the long run.
You can just sit or meditate to do this.
Reason and intelligence overcome your negative emotions.
Analyse. That's all you do.
Think during meditation or when walking or anytime: Why is anger (or any other negative emotion) an afflictive/destructive emotion?
I come up with things like:
-It destroys my peace of my mind
-It prevents me from achieving lasting happiness
-prevents others from achieving lasting happiness
- you hurt the ones you love
-you lose friends
-you make enemies with those who could be friends
- if you take out anger on people they will probably make your life worse after. The anger spreads to them
-makes a situation worse
-brings you more suffering
(I make a little exaggeration for the following so my mind does not welcome this negative emotion)
-It (can) spread(s) across the whole world therefore increasing war and suffering so it's partly your fault (then I imagine a gun shot or a man killing a woman covered in blood and her screams. I think during the medtiation that this is partly my fault. It goes overboard, I know, but it works for me.
-as it spreads across the whole world, it'll come back to you and people will treat you angrily etc, bring you more suffering
- as it makes a situation worse, it destroys your peace of mind for sleep (and as the dalai lama says) and as you don't have enough sleep your health suffers.
you suffer a hell of a lot more by having anger.
I have tears in my eyes when I do this in meditation, it makes me think that anger (or any other negative emotion I'm doing during the meditation) is horrible and will make my life and the lives of others living hell and I think "I don't want that" practically crying of the horror of it.
After analysing the negative emotion (such as the anger example above) analyse its opposite for example: calm.
Analyse why this is a beneficient emotion. Doing this will strengthen the positive emotion you analyse and therefore make you happier.
Analysing the negative emotion will slowly change your mind and how it thinks and make your mind not welcome the negative emotion.
Therefore you will be happier!!
Then after overcoming one negative emotions or dealing with it as much as you can, move one to the next negative emotion and its remedy (or positive emotion opposite of that negative emotion)
Therefore you will overcome all negative emotions and have strong positvie emotions and will achieve (or you will be much, much, much closer to achieving) lasting happiness.
Well, it works for me! It's working for me!
But things like mindfullness of your actions and many other things help that the Buddha taught. But this exercise is specifically for overcoming negative emotions and for strengthening postive emotions. If you practice dharma in day to day life as well as doing this, I guess you'd be achieving lasting happiness.
Hope this helps!
That said, I don't think they ever really hated each other, and they weren't very good fighters (at the time) so nobody got hurt. Fighting always has an element of danger and chaos. Anything can happen, and if two people really go at it, people do get seriously hurt. Usually, nothing positive comes of it, and it often just continues an escalating cycle of hate and violence.
The earlier somebody can learn how to dispel hatred, the better they're quality of life will be, and the more time they'll have to explore even greater truths. Just imagine the human potential!
~ AD
I also have learnt from the teachings of the Dalai Lama - esp his thoughts about what to do when you have an "enemy".
He advises inner disarmament & I have found this very useful! You can't stop people from pushing your buttons but you can choose what 2 do about it. Like all things, it takes time & effort & practice ...
Hope this helps
Namaste
http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&source=hp&q=dalai+enemy+anger&meta=
Cheers
http://www.lamayeshe.com/index.php?sect=article&id=50&chid=59
Namaste
I wish I hadn't responded earlier in the way I did, as I hadn't thought that maybe a minor was writing. That is perhaps the case though. However, as you have already responded, I went back and reconstituted what I had written to the best of my ability. I now retract it.
Let me start anew.
Fenix, you are mistaken if you presume that harboring resentment towards others is OK so long as you do not act on it. Believe me, you do act on it every minute in some way. You're a time-bomb waiting to go off. From where does all this loathing arise? I think it's loathing, not anger, the way you describe it.
I don't see how all these "you shoulds" being offered in this thread will be absorbed by you. You are carrying an irrational, fixated intolerance or something around with you. In fact, I suggest that the particular loathing you harbor cannot be let go by a mere attitudinal change. No, I believe you will have to work this one out in the flesh. TheFound doesn't beat around the bush, but I think you can find a better way.
May I suggest you come to terms with this in a gentlemanly way, neither giving real insult nor continuing to ignore your need to express something of a negative nature to the guy.
Just pick a time and place (when you're in the right mood) and go up to the guy, introduce yourself and tell him in a condescending way that you used to think all guys that look and act like him weren't worth dirt, but that very recently you've thought a lot about it and discovered that he wasn't probably such a very, very miserable fellow afterall. Then you explain to him how you came to this conclusion, namely because it is possible that someday in the remote future he might actually do a good deed to another being.
You then shake his hand and inform him that if there is anything you can ever do to help him, please to let you know.
Something along those lines. I think you either need to move away or meet the object of your loathing head-on.
Now, I know this might seem silly to you right now, but it would accomplish a lot of things to get you out of your present unpleasant situation:
1) You engage with a concrete person your psyche has walled off from you in an irrationally passive/aggressive way
2) This engaging may resolve the current obsession you have
3) This role allows yoiu to step out of your usual self a bit more
4) You get to "insult" the guy and thereby achieve a satisfaction you crave
5) The guy may think you're a jerk, but at least he'll see you as the dominator
6) It's fun to play roles on the stage of life and not fun to be paralyzed with inaction and resentment
7) You allow yourself to turn a tiresome page
According to infinity, we have all murdered, tortured and raped...
Countless people..of course we would!!!
with the odds of having the urge every single lifetime, for KALPAS!!
one at least would hit.
I know I have in THIS life, I've "virtually" murdered, raped and tortured a million or ...shit what was the number, something in the millions of murders I've done playing video games and such..PERSONALLY..
I had calculated in one post how in video games and in effigy ...about a few trillion people are murdered horribly in a decade or so of video gaming.
The thing is, I've had hate, I've hated someone so much that I've killed that person in every single way.. I've killed his family, you know I really ...HURT him back a million times more horribly than he could EVER hurt me...
and you know what? I'm disgusted by it. It set me back maybe a million years on my quest to become awake..
what pisses me off is you guys on this forum pretend like you haven't been or experienced what it's like to be PURE EVIL. Just take your basic desires and multiply them by 10. or 100
angry at a guy >> torture the guy >> KILL THE GUY >>
see a woman you desire? >> rape the woman
>> torture the woman>> kill the woman (or man)
see a child, >> torture the child >> rape the child>> Kill the child..
these are horrible atrocities, you gotta know. fuckin ..
like me ..watch a guy get beheaded by terrorists... then see how you feel about a fuckin school bully..
Anyhow, you do like to hyper-express yourself. I find it unfortunate that others find some of the language that you use unsettling. I, for one, find it kinda like Freud's talking cure. You communicate truth to me. I'm not saying that you should be a schoolteacher quite yet in your tender years, mind you.
I believe that you should read Thoreau and Melville and Erich Fromm and keep the Buddhist readings down to a few suttras a day awhile. You'll be fine...
You're no psychopath! My swami used to say that we all are susceptible to the worst kinds of thoughts, but the that the true art of living is to silence the ones that would lead us away from the fold where we belong.
You belong in the sun with a smile on your face and a musical instrument at your hands.
Metta!
Interesting that you should pose this question as I am re-reading 'Awakening the Buddha Within'. This is the section I read after seeing your question -
The next time you feel so angry that you could scream, ask yourself:Who is making me angry? Perhaps the anger is subtly directed at yourself. When our expectations are not met, we tend to blame others and become angry. But is our discontent really their fault? Shantideva said that anger is the greatest evil because it is so destructiveand can cause so much harm. The trained mind of a Bodhisattva, like a peaceful lake, is able to transcend anger. Even if people throw sparks into it, it doesn't explode because it is like water and not volatile.
The untrained mind, on the other hand, can be likened to a big pool of gasoline. Every spark makes it explode. In life, there will always be sparks. But does there have to be an explosion? That's your responsibility. No-one can make us angry if we have no seeds of anger left inside.
Hope this helps - i highly recommend the book. It's an easy read and goes into each facet of Buddhism that you could ever want 2 know ...
Namaste
"Awakening the Buddha-Eight steps to enlightenment"
Haven't really started reading it yet. Still reading a Dalai Lama book. "The many ways to Nirvana". Oh and by the way, I'm going to see the Dalai Lama speak this week! (Sorry this is off topic).
Yes, I have bad thoughts, I am training my mind, I'm now able to control Anger and other negative emotions more. I never used to be able to control any of them. But, I can unfortunately still get angry, but I try my best not to, I try to practice mindfulness.
I used 2 be as angry as a human being could POSSIBLY be but meditation has removed all traces of it. I say this not 2 boast but to point to the fact that transformation can happen even in the most "hopeless" of cases.
Namaste
Here is one simple practice he recommends -
http://www.circlesoflight.com/articles/dalai-practice.shtml
Namaste
Hopefully, it will get even smaller and extinguish soon.
Yay! I finished school for the year! 7 weeks of Christmas holidays!
Well you are WAY ahead of me at a similar age! I didn't get interested in spirituality & Buddhism until I was about 40!
Keep up the good work.
Here's some more Dalai lama -
http://www.lifepositive.com/Spirit/world-religions/buddhism/dalai-interview.asp
Namaste
Yes, the best teachings are simple. Like 'love thy neighbour'
The Dalai lama also speaks of 'unbiased compassion'. In other words treating everyone the same despite maybe labeling them as "friend', "enemy" & "stranger".
Namaste
Just browsing aimlessly around cyberspace and found the following site -
http://www.internetbumperstickers.com/affirmations.html
There are other categories including humour.
Cheers
http://www.soulfulliving.com/cherishyourself.htm
Cheers
I couldn't get my mind out of the loop of going back through everything that was said and done during the breakup and during the relationship in general. I'd be standing there at work and my mind would be firmly in the past and in such agony with the anger that it was extremely difficult not to blow up at the slightest things, like a big pool of gasoline (thanks Shantideva and Geoff-Allen for that metaphor). When I was alone I did blow up. A lot. This went on for years. It was awful. My own private little hell realm. I was causing myself to suffer so much yet I didn't know how to stop myself. I had no clue.
Finally I started studying Buddhism and a big change in attitude and understanding happened right away but the behavioral stuff will take much longer. I have a permanent back injury with nerve damage that causes chronic pain and sometimes when the pain level is high I find it very difficult to hold on to any kind of equanimity.
But I'm working on it just like you guys and I've had some fairly good success. I'm not expecting overnight results with the anger because after all, it took a lifetime to develop. But the anger isn't nearly as debilitating as it once was and my mind doesn't get all confused like it used to.
I must say though that reading about Geoff-Allen's progress gives me a lot of hope and encouragement and gives me even more incentive to work harder and meditate more.
Thanks to everyone on this thread. It's a great discussion of anger. And good progress to all! May we all find peace.
Letting go is like giving in and dissolving, it requires grace, inner dexterity and balance. It also seems to be a little scary, but in a good way.
Anger causes stress which causes sadness - too much of this and life becomes hell. I found that these things are in the body, that is the feeling of anger or stress or even sadness is in the body. That's why yoga, massage, or taking a few deep breaths relieves stress, because yoga and massage and breathing work with the body.
It sounds like the OP has a burning seething kind of anger which doesn't dissipate easily, in contrast to the kind of anger that flares up fast and goes just as quickly. I think this kind of anger can be more tricky to work with, because its like its hungry or something, when you pay attention to it, it has the potential to take the energy of that attention and bring on an increase of anger or even a feeling of panic. That's why I think it should be worked with very gently, giving yourself permission to be gentle with yourself can be an amazing attitude, a perspective that allows positive feelings to come back in.
So I guess I would recommend being gentle with yourself. Then breathe and let it out, let it dissolve, let it go, and be present with your body, gently be present with your body.
In regards to flare ups of anger I think they are a habitual thing, a reaction. In my own case there was a simple method of stopping the flare ups, which wasn't to repress them by force. What I did was become aware of it - first I only became aware after the angry episode was over, but as I thought and remembered my anger I got to know it better and could see it just after it happened. So say it was with a person and they offended me and I got angry and yelled, well right after I yelled something I noticed it. This gave me a choice, i could then continue with the anger or stop it. Stopping it at this point was still hard to do and often I wasn't able to, but at least there was a choice there. Continuing to think about my anger, to remember it and notice the problems it caused, I started having times when I would become aware of my anger as it happened. Not the usual awareness but a new kind of awareness where it was not the guy who was deeply upset and felt justified in yelling, but the other guy who had been contemplating anger, why it was bad and didn't think it was good. So I could start to see this angry person with his anger and not be attached to it, and now I had another choice, I could give up the anger in that moment, that is stop the mouth saying the words, take a deep breath look at the anger and let it go (or try to let it go). This was still a difficult choice - I still felt attached to the anger but I could also see that I had a choice and the ability to let it go, let it dissolve.
As I continued to watch, contemplate, remember the anger and its consequences I got to a point where I was so familiar with the patterns, the circumstances that create anger and the feelings that build up to anger that I could recognize it before it fully formed. It was still a habit at this point, still difficult to make those decisions to end it, but I had a choice and kept trying, kept making the intention to end it, kept seeing the results of letting the anger out. Eventually it was like quitting smoking, continually making the decision not to take the action until it ceased to be a habit, until there was no impulse to be angry at the usual triggers.
Unlike smoking it pops up from time to time, but I still retain the ability to make the choice.
Hopefully that makes sense and is helpful to someone.
Here is a little something from the book I am reading -
Metta Prayer
May all beings be happy
May all beings be healed and whole
May all have whatever they want and need
May all be protected from harm, and free from fear
May all beings enjoy inner peace and ease
May all be awakened, liberated and free
May there be peace in this world,
and throughout the entire universe. The Buddha himself said that if you repeatedly practice this meditation and recitation - with a forgiving, loving heart, while relinquishing judgement, anger and prejudice - great benefits will definitely ensue: You will sleep easily, wake easily, and have pleasant dreams; people will love you; celestial beings will love you and protect you; weapons, poisons, fire and other external dangers will not harm you; your face will be radiant and your mind concentrated and serene; and you will die unconfused and be reborn in happy realms.
Namaste
There's a problem with that website. According to a WOT (Web Of Trust) Reputation Scorecard it's rating fairly high on malicious content/virus distribution, spam, and even hateful, violent or illegal content. When I navigated to it I got the WOT warning which semi blacks out the site and puts the safety info on top of the site page so it can't be missed.
Here's the link to the Scorecard:
WOT Scorecard.
You might want to have a look into it.
Thanks 4 the warning. I have only had the site a little while. Loads fine on my PC everytime I check it. It is just a site which gives anyone free space 2 post anything their little heart desires
I can assure you I have no malicious intent!
Try this alternative site -
http://www.fortunecity.com/roswell/callanish/39/best4.htm
Namaste
I'd be surprised - I have had it nearly ten years and nobody has had a trouble accessing the site.
Peace~Love~Happiness
I got my threads mixed up!
The fortune city link is supposed 2 be for the "Some of my favourite websites" page.
Oh well ... nobody's perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am perfect!
Thanks Lincoln for the edit. It's news 2 me that the sitepalace site is so 'dodgy'.
http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=1756
It's a searchable site which is pretty neat
Peace~Love~Happiness