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Buddha quote

FenixFenix Veteran
edited August 2010 in Buddhism Basics
"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind."

Buddha

Who are these insencere and evil friends, how do we regonise them, cause I think I have a whole bunch!

Comments

  • PalzangPalzang Veteran
    edited December 2009
    Sounds like you already have. Evil friends are those who seek to distract you (and themselves) by giving in to the false attractions of samsara. Misery loves company, they say, and false friends fit into that category. While such friends are the cause for arousing bodhicitta (compassion), they should be avoided because they can distract you from your path, or pull you off it altogether (I've seen it happen more than I care to think about).

    Palzang
  • Subjectivity9Subjectivity9
    edited December 2009
    I believe we could see this quote more metaphorically, as I believe the Buddha spoke on multiple levels in order to help those of us who were actually living on these multiple levels in our personal understanding.

    For instance, when you stop seeing everything as out there in the world (blaming) and bring it home into your own personal responsibility, you might easily begin to see evil friends as being your own personal thoughts and habits that you have grown familiar with (given a pass) and hold close to you heart (like a self image).

    These internal friends can mess you up bad. : ^ (

    Time to clean house,
    S9
  • PalzangPalzang Veteran
    edited December 2009
    Well, the reason we need to avoid "evil" friends is exactly because we don't want them to draw out our own "evil" friends that would become obstacles on the path.

    Palzang
  • Subjectivity9Subjectivity9
    edited December 2009
    Palzang,

    Yes, my wise friend.

    Emotions act like a tuning fork.

    People's vibrations don't stop at their skin.

    This is why a crowd (mob) can be so dangerous.

    Respectfully,
    S9
  • FenixFenix Veteran
    edited August 2010
    Ok I have this "friend". She is a she. She likes me, I dont like her, romantically. She calls me often and comes over sometimes to. we sometimes fight and she all ways complains about me being boring and stuff. Should I just abandon her clean off?

    She is the only person I see ever or talk to. Otherwise I just like to do my own stuff
  • TreeLuvr87TreeLuvr87 Veteran
    edited August 2010
    I believe that the more we practice, the more naturally positive people and things hang out in our lives and the more naturally unskillfull and negative things are avoided. Keep in mind that most people in your life are always operating with their own agendas, trying to control things in their lives to affect outcomes in their favor. Just be mindful while you're with the friend, be honest with yourself and with her, and the answer will be easy to figure out.
  • FenixFenix Veteran
    edited August 2010
    She makes my life so diffucult, arrgh. I always end up the bad guy. I feel always like a total jerk. I feel like shes sucking the life out of me. always why am I so mean and why dont I try harder and Im this and that.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited August 2010
    Fenix wrote: »
    I let her make my life so diffucult, arrgh. my perception is that I always end up the bad guy. I permit myself to feel always like a total jerk. I Am permitting her to suck the life out of me. always why am I so mean and why dont I try harder and Im this and that.

    You teach people how to treat you.
    If she continues to treat you this way - it's because you tacitly let her.

    Tolerance and acceptance of behaviour comes from you, but you have to transmit your levels of tolerance and acceptance, through your words and deeds, and compassionately.
    If she likes you (but you don't like her) romantically -do you think that by continuing to see her, you are encouraging her and giving her hope?
    ....and that her behaviour towards you is frustration because, try as she might, she cannot get from you what she so desperately wants?

    Could her hostility be because actually, (consciously or otherwise) you're stringing her along?
  • FenixFenix Veteran
    edited August 2010
    federica wrote: »
    You teach people how to treat you.
    If she continues to treat you this way - it's because you tacitly let her.

    Tolerance and acceptance of behaviour comes from you, but you have to transmit your levels of tolerance and acceptance, through your words and deeds, and compassionately.
    If she likes you (but you don't like her) romantically -do you think that by continuing to see her, you are encouraging her and giving her hope?
    ....and that her behaviour towards you is frustration because, try as she might, she cannot get from you what she so desperately wants?

    Could her hostility be because actually, (consciously or otherwise) you're stringing her along?

    Im so tired. I wish I would just shrivel up and die
  • PalzangPalzang Veteran
    edited August 2010
    Fenix, I understand that you are frustrated and just plain sick of it all, so please try to read my comments in the spirit in which they are intended, that of being helpful and hopeful, not blaming.

    Our reality, as we experience it, is really nothing more than a reflection of our own mind. It is like holding up a mirror and seeing ourselves in it. If you are experiencing a bad relationship, one in which you seem to be stuck and can't get out of, it is important to remember that you are experiencing it because of causes you, and nobody else, have created. That's not meant, as I said, to be blaming, just a statement of what's really going on here. Until you understand the problem, you can't really find the solution, right?

    So, it is important to examine how you create those conditions that make you miserable. You might start by understanding a very basic truth, that all beings strive to be happy. The problem is that none of us really know how to accomplish that and our attempts to achieve happiness inevitably end up causing us more suffering. That is what samsara is all about. So you have to do some really intense "soul" searching and work out all that so that you can stop doing it.

    I would submit that the best way to do that is to use the technology taught by Lord Buddha. He taught that what is really important is not to worship (imaginary) gods or blame the world for our woes, but rather to change oneself and learn how to create the causes for happiness. That is what he spent his life teaching. Buddhism is all about change. It's not about being a bliss-ninny or finding magic pills that will make you happy. They don't exist. Rather it's about rolling up your sleeves and digging deep into yourself, uncovering and exposing all those ugly poisons and desires that rule our life without us even being aware of them. It's hard work, I won't lie, but it's worth it. Just realizing that you are completely in charge of your life can be extremely empowering.

    Start by simply meditating. Learn to observe your mind and how it reacts to situations. Create a little space in your mind so you don't automatically click into your habitual reactions every time something comes up. That would be a very excellent way to start.

    Find a teacher.

    Hope that helps!

    Palzang
  • Love-N-PeaceLove-N-Peace Veteran
    edited August 2010
    Fenix wrote: »
    Ok I have this "friend". She is a she. She likes me, I dont like her, romantically. She calls me often and comes over sometimes to. we sometimes fight and she all ways complains about me being boring and stuff. Should I just abandon her clean off?

    She is the only person I see ever or talk to. Otherwise I just like to do my own stuff

    One of my best friends is a girl and I don't like her in a romantic way, but I'm worried she might like me. I just hope it doesn't get to the point you're at, :-/ But we're fine at the minute :o Hope things work out for you, listen to Palzang, he knows what he's talking about, I think ;)
  • sambodhisambodhi
    edited August 2010
    These are friends that will not respect you and your values, and they will try to influence you and pressure you.
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