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Desires
Fenix
Veteran
Should we all deny ourselfs all the stuff we want like candy? Desires cause suffering, but you get agitated if you dont have the things you want and thus are more prone to be mean to others
Should I just stick to not giving in to my wants even tough it makes me angry?
Should I just stick to not giving in to my wants even tough it makes me angry?
0
Comments
any tips on howto?
Is that not a perfect example of how cravings lead to dukkha? In fact, that is the whole point.
You make it sound like the Buddha taught to "deny all your cravings." In reality, he taught to deal with and eliminate the craving itself, which is in your mind.
If you're being mean to others over not getting candy, then I would work on that before anything else.
No. The five precepts don't advise us against eating candy. But if you feel for a beer or whisky ... that's another story.
Some people give up eating certain types of foods ... like milk and eggs for instance. Dairy cows and hens suffer their entire lives and in the end they too are killed for their meat. Avoiding milk and eggs and eating meat seems to be more humane. I am mentioning this just to show how different people see things. Then again... some think that the contents of the mind is more important than the contents of the stomach. One should try not to violiate the precepts... but at the same time not to be too petty in avoiding things like candy.
Maybe you are being too trivial in the things you are denying yourself and bringing suffering upon yourself. The only example you gave so far is "candy!" If you are talking about a sports car that is beyond your means for example.... that's craving BIG time!
With Kind Regards.
If candy has anything to do with any of this suffering, it makes sense to work with this problem. To equate craving in this instance with candy would be a leap. I agree with oOMundus that the fact that you dwell on your cravings creates the problem. Candy has nothing to do with it.
Although I do my best, I still have the occasional sweet-tooth attack. The thing is, candy is not very good for us. I am convinced, through my own experience and observation, that sugar is addictive. When I abstain from sugary foods for a while, my craving for them weakens. If I give in, pretty soon I find myself pocketing candy from my neighbor's candy dish (with his permission, of course). The next thing I know I'm seeing an extra pound or two on the scale, and my "skinny" jeans won't button. Oof. In the end, short term pleasure results in long term pain.
We humans make things much harder for ourselves by indulging our senses with pleasure. It's not that pleasure is "bad", on its own, it's just that in this modern age, we are saturated with it. We are literally brainwashed into believing the products we use, and the services we receive, should determine our level of satisfaction. We've become obsessed with taste, image, feeling and satisfaction. We feel that if something doesn't satisfy our inner craving, we're not consuming the right product. The end result is we just feel miserable most of the time.
Eating a piece of candy and deriving enjoyment is not a problem. That is awareness. Craving a piece of candy because we feel an emptiness that demands to be filled is a big problem. It's called "comfort food." I'm not saying it is "bad" (judgments are irrelevant), only that it stands before us, as Buddhists, as a barrier to liberation.
If I find myself pigging out on something I know is bad for me, I might as well have shot up with heroin. Craving is craving. Maybe a few hundred empty calories aren't as harmful as an illicit drug binge, but the cycle of craving/suffering is exactly the same.
I think the key is simply to pay attention. The "why" is more important than the "what." When I become aware that I am craving something, I ask myself "why." Without fail, if I examine my craving earnestly, I discover the object of my craving is not the source of my craving. For example, if I happen to be craving something chocolate, I might find I am really craving relief from feelings of loneliness, boredom, or restlessness. There isn't enough chocolate in the world to quench such emotions. Only by diving into my feelings directly will I have any chance of growing past them.
It comes down to a choice between doing the hard thing and finding lasting peace, or doing the easy thing and feeding the cycle of suffering. When looked at this way, suddenly the hard thing looks much more appealing, doesn't it? Temptation, like a shadow, can never stand up to the light of conscious awareness.
~ AD
But to classify candy as the cause of putting on weight is to consider an object as good or bad. It is neither. It just is. What we do with it by our own volition, is where the problems originate. Candy never causes problems. The choices we make do.
As long as you view the source of your problems as external to yourself, you will struggle. Thinking a person has to lick candy(poor pun), meat, sugar, alcohol, sex, drugs, comfort food or any other thing that tempts a person is proof they are struggling with the addiction. These things exist in our world. As long as they are a foe, they represent a threat. When they can be considered with acceptance, they just are. The foe is something you really do have control of. Your own thinking.
that's like pouring water on a oil fire or something like that; not the way to handle it..
'Understanding' desires.... is the proper way to deal with them..and brings about a natural kind of fix... to them and their suffering...
So to understand your desires,
I'd say you have to study yourself....= Buddhism? = bye bye suffering.
No, desire does not cause suffering. Does the desire to achieve enlightenment cause suffering? Does the desire to follow an ethical life cause suffering? Does the desire for balance cause suffering? No.
What causes suffering is our grasping attachment to our desires and our aversion to the negative feelings we experience when those desires are not met. When I'm imagining biting into a fresh, crisp Macintosh apple the experience I'm having is pleasurable. If the desire to eating this apple becomes a craving, the experience is not so pleasurable anymore. And if that craving cannot be met, the experience can definitely feel like suffering.
Yes, we get can feel agitated when our desires are not met and the more this desire is like a grasping craving the more agitation we experience. But it's possible to simply abide in the healthy feeling of wanting to bite into a crisp apple without actually doing so. For example, when we understand that the mental experience of eating the apple is almost the same as the physical experience of eating the apple we can be just as mentally sated as we are when we have physically finished eating the apple.
Humans can behave in childish ways when our cravings are not met. A solution to that would be to look at our craving and find out why and how our desire turned into a craving in the first place.
However, before we start doing the internal work on our cravings we need to have some basic control over our emotions and behaviors. If you lash out at others because you feel frustrated at not having your desires or cravings met you need to do some basic fundamental growing up. Like triage in an emergency room, deal with the most urgent problem first; the anger you're experiencing and your inability not to take that anger and frustration out on others.
When you say understand yourself, are you talking about questioning your beliefs? I have found when a person stops with illusions by questioning the things they tell themselves, habits can actually dissipate without having to fight with them.
Take for example a person who believes being the loudest, scariest voice in the room equates to being the most important person in the room. When they begin challenging this belief and find it is in error, it no longer makes sense to yell and scream. It stops with not much struggle at all once they begin to understand.
Dear Fenix
Are there any Buddhist centres near you, perhaps you might try some practice with a teacher, or a group.
There are many good Buddhist teachings, but some are prone to misunderstanding without proper guidance.
Best wishes,
Abu