Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Guilt!
I know that when I don't meditate, I feel guilty and terrible and feel I am wasting away my life. I know that this guilt is in itself is a very big hindrance on my spiritual path. The problem is I don't know how to let go of this guilt! The more guilty I feel, the less I want to practice, and the less I practice, the guiltier I feel. The conundrum is silly, yet I find myself in it again. How to let go of this guilt?
0
Comments
I think just that you became aware of this is a good sign and you should just rest with this awareness naturally and hopefully an accurate heart response will come up. When it does you will know it because you feel more settled and content.
Being true to yourself and working on your flaws is very noble. I wish I had some better instructions on how to procede.
It can't be because your too busy because if you can't find at least thirty minutes for yourself each day then you should seriously re-evaluate your life. Most people who say they are really that busy can usually find a lot of time if they decide not to surf the net or watch television. Too much internet can rot your mind and I personally believe that the only good thing on television are documentaries and the news doesn't count in that.
Anyway, the equation is: More meditation = Less guilt
It's that simple.
You must come from a catholic background
I wonder if your guilt has more to do with other aspects of your life than meditation. Why do you feel you should meditate everyday? Meditation is a source of relief for me, I do it to gain understanding. When I am confronted with an emotion like guilt or jealousy (whathave you) I analyze that emotion and try and determine what my body is trying to communicate to me.
So try just sitting. Tell yourself that you are not meditating you are just sitting. See if it is a bit more relaxing and breaks up the strong ideas.
My former sangha used to say the same joke when I'd pull this, They would say things like, 'stop being such a catholic!'
(and actually I was raised atheist, but with guilt trips in place of discipline.)
Well Thank you for your thoughtful replies. I appreciate having an outlet where I can share these struggles and get some compassionate response.
I will try to observe the guilt and accept it 'on the spot' and might also try 'sitting' instead of meditating.
"Why do you feel you should meditate everyday?"
when i recently took refuge with my new teacher, he said that I have to practice. He said otherwise I am like a starving person at a feast and leaving hungry. He said it is not enough "just to know."
and i agree with him. Somehow, even though I didnt tell him, he knew I wasnt meditating. I feel like I made this commitment to him, to myself and to the world that I was going to pursue this goal with all my effort.
and then I doubt myself. I doubt my ability. then i doubt the validity of the practice. then I doubt that realization even exists.
I feel like i should meditate everyday because otherwise i am lying to myself. also i am an alcoholic and i stopped having the urge to drink when i starting meditating. i also quit smoking after years at this time. but now when i strongly doubt myself like this i want to drink and smoke myself into oblivion and bury my head in the sand. ive also managed quite well to cram every waking moment of my life with compulsive neurotic activity so i dont have to deal with this.
There definitely are some other things in my life that have me down. I just had a big career rejection. sadly, i thought that i could rely on my faith to help me through this but instead i feel my inability making it worse.
i just ordered the book, "There is nothing wrong with you" by cheri huber. perhaps this will help.
anyway, thanks again.
Your teacher is right that one should meditate everyday. I view my meditation practice in a samilar light to my need for sleep, food, and water. I have learned that if I don't drink enough water, I get injured, if I don't sleep, I am easily distracted and irritated, if I am not well fed, I am weak. When I do not meditate, I am not clearing my mind of all the junk I absorb all day long and I notice the difference just like when I don't eat. I do not make expectations with my practice rather I allow the free flow of the cleansing energy to take place.
Rejection can be difficult if we see it as a threat to our ego. Use the rejection as a learning tool to help you improve. Look at what you have done, you have a disease that plagues many and yet you have learned to control it. Keep strong friend. You have more support than you may think.
Yes Quiet_witness, agreed. If possible, a daily meditation practice is helpful. Sort of like your example, even over the holidays, I noticed a bit of a difference with the disruption to my usual practice routine. Yes, we take time for all sorts of other things each day, but not for our minds?
Even just 5 or 10 minutes daily meditation is a good start....
_/\_
.