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Emptiness
Hey Folks!
So I'm contemplating taking up Buddhism. And I was hoping some of you could put me on the right direction. Here is my story:
On the surface, it would seem that I have it all. I come from a supportive and financially successful family, am graduating college with honors and, am moving to NYC with a prestigious job. In addition, I'm outgoing, considered the life of the party, people as a whole like me, and tend to think I'm exciting, spontaneous, and funny.
But I'm just empty inside, and unhappy. Up until this point, I've just assumed that life is going to suck till I have a well established career and am married. Do you guys know where I am coming from? I'm not happy today, but for some reason I think I'm going to be happy tomorrow.
In addition, even though many people like me, and I have a lot of friends, I just can't seem to form one-on-one intimate relationships - and I think, mostly, I'm getting in my own way. I'm scared to let people in, and similarly, I'm scared to let people know that I'm vulnerable, lonely, and unhappy.
I'm bored, lonely, and unhappy. How can Buddhism help, and where do I start?
So I'm contemplating taking up Buddhism. And I was hoping some of you could put me on the right direction. Here is my story:
On the surface, it would seem that I have it all. I come from a supportive and financially successful family, am graduating college with honors and, am moving to NYC with a prestigious job. In addition, I'm outgoing, considered the life of the party, people as a whole like me, and tend to think I'm exciting, spontaneous, and funny.
But I'm just empty inside, and unhappy. Up until this point, I've just assumed that life is going to suck till I have a well established career and am married. Do you guys know where I am coming from? I'm not happy today, but for some reason I think I'm going to be happy tomorrow.
In addition, even though many people like me, and I have a lot of friends, I just can't seem to form one-on-one intimate relationships - and I think, mostly, I'm getting in my own way. I'm scared to let people in, and similarly, I'm scared to let people know that I'm vulnerable, lonely, and unhappy.
I'm bored, lonely, and unhappy. How can Buddhism help, and where do I start?
0
Comments
When you say you are empty, you don't know the half of it. There is nothing permanent about us, or about the universe, except for the fact that everything changes (hence the impermanence). When we realize that we are just a stream of changes, one after another after another, until death... we can begin to take our "self" out of the equation. This self that we believe is some permanent thing that needs to have sex, get rich, have many possessions and live forever.
No one lives forever. When we find out why the thought of death really distresses us, we can release ourselves from our selves. That is what Buddhism holds for us. It gives us the knowledge, and the tools, to set up the conditions for our own release from our delusions about what life really is, and what we really are.
Believe it or not, finding out this truth which changes everything we think we know, does lead to a kind of bliss that is a greater happiness than anything you might experience on a temporary basis such as wealth, fame, etc.; the Arahants, who have reached Nirvana/Nibbana, are the happiest people in the world.
For the Buddha, relationship was about mutual long term goals. Unless these can be defined, often, relationship is merely an emotional indulgence. This is why so many human beings - not only yourself - struggle with relationship.
You have a good family, as you say. This example is what relationship is. Family, responsibility, sharing, giving, supporting & caring for one another, etc. You have your family as a model of what actual relationship is (rather than the 'soul mate' type advertised in modern culture).
But regarding Buddhism and happiness, inner happiness is what it Buddhism encourages. This comes from finding some inner calmness and mental groundness.
I was once unhappy with what life & society offered me. I left society and travelled. In my travels, I walked into a Buddhist monastery and decided to learn meditation.
From meditation, we can learn to make our mind calm, grounded, clear, happy & gain a certain wisdom that is very fulfilling.
In the north east of the USA, there are many Buddhist meditation centres. Buddhism can offer you meditation. Meditation is a way to experience & understand your mind intimately. Most of all, it is a way to use your mind to bring genuine happiness & peace.
Consider doing some Buddhist meditation courses or classes.
May you be well
DD
Hi HT,
Investigate offline Buddhist centres, find one you like and then start going to classes and learning to meditate.
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
.
"Jam yesterday, jam tomorrow, but never jam today"....Lewis carroll.
That ever elusive "if I could just have *this*, *that*, and *the other*, I would be happy, contented, fulfilled...
Know this, for sure, for absolutely, completely certainly undeniably sure:
It's - not - going - to - happen.
All compounded phenomena are impermanent, so it follows that whatever you can get hold of, cling to and grasp materially, will never ever bring you long-term, fulfilling, satisfactory happiness.....
Oh, yes, we know where you're coming from all right. Where do you think we've all come from...? We weren't born wise, you know. We just look that way....
Trust me. Far too often, it's desperately over-rated.
Remember that in order to find true inner serenity and contentment, your fulfilment can never be dependent on finding this one significant other.
First of all, it puts all the responsibility for your being happy on their shoulders.
getouttahere! How unfair is that - ?!
Secondly, it's unsustainable..because people are forever in a state of change, so after a while, expectations are not met, disappointment sets in, and we realise that the things we want this person to be for us, are exactly what they want us to be, for them....
Well done!
This is exactly what we all do.
Even us seasoned and extremely wise people.
It's called Samsara, and we still insist on tripping ourselves up.
Aaaall the time....!
Well, I hope you feel a whole lot happier knowing that actually, you are not alone.
You're not even in the minority.
Actually, you're pretty well running with the herd, here.....
Think on this:
(As well as listening to all the other guys here.... glean what bits of beneficial counsel you feel resonate....)
Your emotions are not who you are.
You are not bored, lonely, or unhappy.
You feel boredom.
You feel loneliness.
you feel unhappiness.
But they do not define you.
So, start peeling away these layers and coats you wear, to find what lies beneath.
I'm sure you'll end up liking what you find....
Do you really believe this is true? Is there any reason why this period of your life couldn't be a rewarding adventure?
Meditation can help because it gives us a little space between ourselves and the thoughts that occur in our minds. This is useful because thoughts can produce emotions.
Say I have the thought, "I'm not going to be happy until I lose 10 pounds". What happens the next day, when I look at myself in the mirror? Am I not more likely to feel frustrated and tense? Wouldn't it be better to reframe my goal in a positive light, such as, "I'm going to enjoy the process of becoming healthy and fit"? In this way, I can still reach my goal, but have fun on the way to achieving it.
Sounds so easy, doesn't it? Yet, I've found it the most challenging thing to do.
The solution to your problem is not like a golden egg you can just grab and have. It's like panning for gold, which takes time and effort, and you get a little tiny bit of gold dust each day.
Fortunately, this means that with time, you can have an awesome and rewarding egg-sized amount of gold.
The gold panning is studying and practicing a certain way of life. Here:
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/ptf/dhamma/index.html
One of the things the buddha told people was to remember to take it easy. As you progress, you will often think to yourself, "shit, i have so much more work ahead of me, I'm so bad at this, i'm not working hard enough," etc. Don't worry. It is very important to not worry about the gold, and just focus on panning. One of my favorite analogies from when I was very new to buddhism was something like, when you're tuning a harp's strings, if you string them too loose, the harp will not sound, and if you string them to tight, it will not sound. You have to go with a happy medium. The middle way!
To begin the journey to figure this out might be the first thing on his to-do list.
And this path is the one the Buddha teach us.
I believe that whatever attitude you have when you approach the path will likely to be wrong anyway.
In the sence that you are very unlikely to understand the path and buddhism fully when you are not iniciated or a beginner.
I believe that most people hit a road block on their journee, or "spinning their wheels for a while" like you said. So it doesn't matter why.
What matter more is that they did begin to walk on the path and made great discoveries and progress before hitting their road block.
what do you think?
Have a great night!