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Antidote for Aversion?
One of the concepts that I appreciate about Buddhism is the concepts of "antidotes" for certain negative states of mind.
For example, I have heard the Dalai Lama explain that an antidote for anxiety is sincerity. I have taken this teaching to heart and have found it has made a big difference for me and really helped me become less anxious.
When thinking about the 3 poisons - Aversion is the one I struggle with the most. There are a couple of responsibilities I have in particular that I am required to spend a lot of my time doing - I often thoroughly dislike having to do these particular activities. They are capable of ruining my day no matter how hard I try to stay positive.
I am wondering if anyone knows of any specific "antidotes" for dealing with aversion in a situation like this? All comments welcome.
For example, I have heard the Dalai Lama explain that an antidote for anxiety is sincerity. I have taken this teaching to heart and have found it has made a big difference for me and really helped me become less anxious.
When thinking about the 3 poisons - Aversion is the one I struggle with the most. There are a couple of responsibilities I have in particular that I am required to spend a lot of my time doing - I often thoroughly dislike having to do these particular activities. They are capable of ruining my day no matter how hard I try to stay positive.
I am wondering if anyone knows of any specific "antidotes" for dealing with aversion in a situation like this? All comments welcome.
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Comments
Here's a good tutorial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csyCrcpDs58
Have fun!
In my tradition we don't exorcise demons, we invite them for tea.
You are the one making yourself feel miserable when doing these activities, not they.
The lion's roar
Google Pema Chodren
In school students respond only with yelling and hitting. Polite treatment invites a rude response, yelling at them results in a somewhat calm child doing what they were "asked". This place breaks my heart and sullies my mind. (I know I sully my own mind) Any attempts at kindness are met with utter ignorance, or anger. Most of the dusty eyes seem to be here. My job as a teacher seems totally pointless. I know it isn't but I feel that way, deeply. Do I stay and fight the good fight (notice I left out public school conditions and politics!!!) ? Do I leave and find a more stable environment to promote my own health?
The bottom line is that the behaviors and attitudes, style of dress, speech, garbage, and anger all make me sad and angry. How can I better manage? I feel like I know what to do, but instead of the deep end of the pool, I was thrown into a mid atlantic squall! I can barely keep my head above water. I have gotten better, I used to be so very angry here. Now I am more apathetic and disappointed.
Tips? Tricks? Advice? Techniques?
Anything would be appreciated. Thanks.
However, with respect to aversion towards situations I found the cultivation of joy also a very good practice. But it's more of a prevention than a counter; with a bit of joy in your heart, it's harder to fall into the trap of aversion, but when you fall, joy alone is not going to get you out.
But metta and joy are close brothers anyway, so I suggest you start with just metta. @Jason gave some good things to check out.
So what I try to do sometimes is faking joy.
I just, half-seriously, say very positive and cheerful things, and people think I’m being sarcastic. Maybe I am, I don’t know.
But I just keep at it. And gradually I actually feel a lot better.
Why? I stopped thinking the thoughts which produce the aversion and play my little psychological game instead.
Just my 2 cents.
The four immeasurables are:
Loving-kindness (Pāli: metta, Sanskrit: maitri) towards all: the hope that a person will be well; "the wish that all sentient beings, without any exception, be happy."
Compassion (Pāli and Sanskrit: karuṇā): the hope that a person's sufferings will diminish; "the wish for all sentient beings to be free from suffering."
Empathetic joy (Pāli and Sanskrit: mudita): joy in the accomplishments of a person—oneself or another; sympathetic joy; "the wholesome attitude of rejoicing in the happiness and virtues of all sentient beings."
Equanimity (Pāli: upekkhā, Sanskrit: upekṣā): learning to accept loss and gain, praise and blame, and success and failure, all with detachment, equally, for oneself and for others. Equanimity is "not to distinguish between friend, enemy or stranger, but regard every sentient being as equal. It is a clear-minded tranquil state of mind—not being overpowered by delusions, mental dullness or agitation."
These are wonderful attitudes to have. 1st is having goodwill towards all, bearing no grudges or prejudices. 2ndly having compassion towards the suffering of others. 3rdly rejoicing (sadhu x3) in others' happiness and virtue. Finally, having a detached attitude towards things.
Equanimity is not passive resignation but rather to act without being swept away by emotions. One remains cool and detached, considering whether an action is beneficial or not for both oneself and others. http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an10/an10.208.than.html
The other thing (I hope not to be offensive here) but an attitude adjustment? I took care of terminally ill lady for a nearly 8 months, when I first started working for her they had estimated she only had about 2 months to live. Every day I came in and took care of her, made sure she got a bath, took her meds, tidied her house, opened up the blinds and let the sunshine in. I always (except when she was bleeding or something serious) has a smile and a pleasantness about me (her words). Just before her daughters came moved her to live near them in another state, she had me set down with her. She told me that all the other women that came in to take care of her never had the pleasant cheerful way about them, she understood it was of course because they all knew she was dieing, so that saddened them and she understood it. So she asked me how I come I didn't, I always kept up the appearance that everything was okay.
It took me a few minutes to find the words of how I was able to do it. I explained to her, it was because I didn't see my being there was to just cook, clean and take care of her while she sat on the sofa or bed in another room and died. Rather I saw what I did as trying to make her life as pleasant and happy as best as I could for the rest of the time she had here. Furthermore, I pointed out to her that I get broadside crossing a street or something and get killed going home. And so, even though some doctor said he thought she only had a few more months to live, it was obvious to me he didn't know what he was talking about because here it was nearly 6 months after the that time and she was actually doing better than she did when I first started coming to take care of her.
The way you see things and the attitude that goes with it, can not only dramatically affect how you feel, but it can dramatically affect your life and those around you as well. If you have been unable to develop a better view of something then by all means ask to be let in to see it through another person's eyes, maybe it will help you find an "attitude adjustment".
Hope this is helpful,
I really like the idea of detachment, but how do I remain detached and compassionate at the same time? I can accept that many of these people have poor home lives, lesser development, less education, and ultimately poor communication skills - which can lead to a culture of anger. Consider a child who cannot communicate their needs, eventually they scream and/or hit....much like the masses I see.
I can accept that there is suffering. I can accept that here is the greatest suffering that I can imagine as it is self inflicted and based on ignorance. A war zone by contrast may involve people giving their best to correct the situation despite myriad hard ships and traumas. Here, we have people knowing the outcome and still choosing their actions with absolutely no one forcing it on them.
I can and certainly will continue to work towards acceptance and wisdom. I have trouble with metta.....I have tried, though it doesn't come easily. How can I accept the way this is ..... and still be an agent of change by profession? As a teacher, I must selflessly give all that I have, fighting countless battles I know I will lose, clinging only to hope that I can make a difference anywhere at any level. Clinging to hope may be my suffering, but how dare I stop? Should I simply teach the way I know is best -- detached from the outcome?
I teach a kid that gangs are a devastating life choice. I know that they will end up making this choice. I know they will suffer and I will fail. I hope that this doesn't happen but suffering DOES happen. So I can accept that this outcome WILL happen. But then, what is the motivation to continue without the hope of success?
Is the end result, a simple acceptance of suffering?
Am I to aid as much as I can, knowing I will fail, and in accepting my likely failure, let it go and move on to the next? This actually may be my answer. The outcome is irrelevant, either I succeed or I fail, it is the trying that counts as BOTH outcomes will happen.
hmm
“There was a Zen Master who was very pure, very illumined. Near the place where he lived there happened to be a food store. The owner of the food store had a beautiful unmarried daughter. One day she was found with child. Her parents flew into a rage. They wanted to know the father, but she would not give them the name. After repeated scolding and harassment, she gave up and told them it was the Zen Master. The parents believed her. When the child was born they ran to the Zen Master, scolding him with foul tongue, and they left the infant with him. The Zen Master said, “Is that so.” This was his only comment.
He accepted the child. He started nourishing and taking care of the child. By this time his reputation had come to an end, and he was an object of mockery. Days ran into weeks, weeks into months and months into years. But there is something called conscience in our human life, and the young girl was tortured by her conscience. One day she finally disclosed to her parents the name of the child’s real father, a man who worked in a fish market. The parents again flew into a rage. At the same time, sorrow and humiliation tortured the household. They came running to the spiritual Master, begged his pardon, narrated the whole story and then took the child back.”
His only comment: “Is that so.”
What Can We Learn From This Story?
Equanimity. True inner peace comes when we can respond to success and failure, praise and criticism in the same detached way. The Zen Master did not allow the unexpected event to disturb his inner peace and inner happiness. It shows that real happiness does not depend on the opinions of others.
Acceptance. Whatever life throws at us, we need to accept the external influences we have no control over. The only thing we are responsible for is our own inner attitude.
Character. True character depends on how we respond to difficult challenges.
Judging Others. We should avoid making jumping to conclusions on people’s character.
Conscience. We can never be happy when we ignore our conscience.
Maybe try giving the kids everything you can, and find peace in that. Try to find love for them in your heart and let go.
You may also need to consider a change in work environment. Some places are not healthy for certain people...
Good luck Libra.
M