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Is Happiness only real when shared?
I dont know if anyone has seen Into the Wild, but its a good movie based on a book based on the true story about a guy who tries to escape from society. However, he gradually realizes that what has really affected him on his trip were the relationships that he formed throughout it.
do you think that we need to interact with others and share experiences in order to be happy?
do you think that we need to interact with others and share experiences in order to be happy?
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Have you ever have a moment of intense happiness when you were alone? Where everything seem to be perfect, when the air smell beautiful, where the colors are vibrants, where you have a big smile on your face and everything feels right?
If we believe we need others to be happy, then we do. Not to discount the joy one gets when helping a stranger, or giving up what you want for yourself so another can thrive (ah, motherhood!). These are real things to live for.
"Perform Random Acts of Kindness"
I think most people pulse between needing others, and also needing to be alone.
When you are with others, often you find yourself adjusting to that person in many ways, so you cannot be completely yourself. This can get tiring, and you may need to go off by yourself and relax.
Than again:
When you are alone for any length of time, you often come to realize that you haven’t developed the skills you need to keep yourself occupied, and content.
So I think most people bounce between the two of these, back and forth, back and forth, as a dance between attraction and aversion. : ^ (
Running towards pleasure and away from pain are simply two sides of one coin, and it is certainly uncomfortable, if not actual suffering when we add a basketful of negative thoughts to the mixture.
My guess is that you cannot be happy until you CAN learn to be alone, and than share this more secure and whole self that you have developd (or is it, have found?), with others.
Maybe this is the Middle Way, or avoiding the two extremes.
Warm Regard,
S9
And I think the meaning of connection to another being goes beyond just producing something we need. For example there is the phrase "man cannot live by bread alone"... I think it also true "man cannot live by oxytocin alone"
I think if you want to study our body chemistry, in order to see what is going on with us, (mentally/physically), than I think you would have to admit that the stress chemicals are as abundant in us (when dealing with others) as the feel good chemicals.
The best that we can hope for in that area, is to find some kind of a balance, or homeostasis. This is an ongoing adjustment that is never settled once and for all. In fact, a lack of stasis, and a constant adjustment is necessary to both our physical and mental health, without it we would grow steadily, more weak.
Also:
I believe that the phrase, "man cannot live by bread alone," is a call to look deeper than our finite existence, and be nourished in a whole other way. Don’t you think we tap into this realm in meditation? Meditation is not just a form of relaxation. Sleep could supply that. We are tapping into our own wholeness, and learning to grow in that direction.
: ^ )
I think if we were to vote on which is more important to our happiness, sharing with others or solitude, we would get a skewed result because the people here on this forum are not the same in degree as those of sitting in a cave somewhere, all alone, and seeking a more internal meaning.
Warm Regards,
S9
yeah, I like this way of looking at it. Thank you! : )
I believe a good deal of what we call our happiness, and not some more Ultimate, or Metaphysical Happiness, often comes packaged in either our viewpoints, or mental attitudes. In this way, the more limited happiness of finitude is like the fruit of our more subjective well being.
I have been married to someone I love dearly and have shared my life with, perhaps even too closely, for many, many decades now. In the very beginning of this relationship, I was riddled with fear, thinking thought like “I couldn’t live without this my very best friend and lover.” I think I also had some trouble believing that I was good enough to merit such good fortune as to be chosen by such a person.
Consequent to this viewpoint, I was on an emotional roller coaster ride mixed with a big dose of hypervigilence. Not pretty. : ^ (
The only way that I could extricate myself from this terrible duality of love, and the fear of loss, was to dive deeply into myself, find what was beyond suffering within me, (that island of peace within us) and also to nurture the idea of my self reliance and confidence to deal with whatever might come about in this unpredictable life. You don’t have to like it; you only have to deal with it.
It is nice to find closeness in another, but it is probably best not to lean too heavily on any one relationship.
Someone once said, “We are born alone, we will die alone, and the biggest part of the time in our life is spent alone. “ Best like a good little book title said, to “Be your own best friend.” (Or at least on very friendly terms with the one person, yourself, which you cannot run fast enough, or far enough, to get away from short of death.) ; ^ )
Even the Enlightened One’s learn to live a wise and skillful life, which accepts the more limited self.
Warm Regards,
S9
I would say that the character in "Into the Wild" was not open-minded enough to understand the possibility of being truly happy when alone.