ego & compliments

ashighasifeel

I'm looking for a bit of perspective. I've had 'trouble' with compliments in the past and it seems to be re-occuring again in a more challenging form- compliments on my thoughts/words. I had read before that if someone compliments you then you should show gratitude but think "that isn't true" in your mind to control your ego. Also I had the habbit of pawning off what I did on other people to avoid the compliment. Now I have been getting into some judgement on the way I am thinking particularly when I'm talking about philosophy and I feel people are giving me positive feedback on something that I'm not. My ego loves it but this is not a positive feeling for me deeper down. Obviously my ego likes it for some reason (could be I'm looking for this response?). Do I beat it into submission (haha) or do I just laugh at it? Any insight would be appreciated and please speak freely if needed as taking offense seems to be helpful in understanding my ego a bit better.

Olarte

I have a very strong memory from college when I was being trained as a peer counselor and they pointed out the best thing to do when complimented just simply way thank you, and accept it for what it is... negating a compliment only send a negative vibe to the person that is trying to acknowledge you and give you some positive feedback.

Why is it that we are so ready to accept criticism but not complements?

By the same token I love the smile on someone's face when I compliment them (without overdoing it of course) or am simply cordial and nice... in this day and age people are not too used to it and are pleasantly surprised.

Just accept the complement gracefully and move on... you don't need to over think it, use it to judge your own abilities etc.. someone meant to be nice to you... it's a gift take it for what it is and nothing more.

By the way, I like the way you write

Yes that's a compliment and it's meant to make you smile and feel good and nothing more see that wasn't so hard to take was it?

Best of luck,
Ivan

Jeffrey

It sounds like you are thinking a lot. Thats all that is happening. A lot of thinking.

patbb

Olarte wrote: »

I have a very strong memory from college when I was being trained as a peer counselor and they pointed out the best thing to do when complimented just simply way thank you, and accept it for what it is... negating a compliment only send a negative vibe to the person that is trying to acknowledge you and give you some positive feedback.

Why is it that we are so ready to accept criticism but not complements?

By the same token I love the smile on someone's face when I compliment them (without overdoing it of course) or am simply cordial and nice... in this day and age people are not too used to it and are pleasantly surprised.

Just accept the complement gracefully and move on... you don't need to over think it, use it to judge your own abilities etc.. someone meant to be nice to you... it's a gift take it for what it is and nothing more.

By the way, I like the way you write

Yes that's a compliment and it's meant to make you smile and feel good and nothing more see that wasn't so hard to take was it?

Best of luck,
Ivan

very well said.

thank you!

MatSalted

ashighasifeel wrote: »

I've had 'trouble' with compliments in the past

This post is awesome. you have done really well to come up with it, I sense that not only are you clear of mind and pure of heart you are also great with sick animals.

Thanks you thank you thank you. Posts like that make the internet worth downloading:)

Also I had the habbit of pawning off what I did on other people to avoid the compliment.

You cant pawn of this post, we know it is you. and let me use this chance again to thank you for this awesome contribution to everything.

Do I just laugh at it?

I think you have your answer;)

pearl

It's okay to have a special talent and for people to acknowledge it. You can have confidence in your talents and still be humble.

Mountains

I have had trouble accepting compliments too. When I became a nurse, I discovered what I should be doing in life. And I do it very well, I think. Others must too, because I get compliments all the time from patients and families. I tend to be very hard on myself, and I know that objectively, I could always do a better job than I do. I always second guess myself at the end of the day, looking at all the things I wish I'd done, or done better. But in the end, I've come to realize that it's okay not to be perfect (no, really, it is!), I try to accept the compliments I get with humility and gratitude. It's still hard, but it's something to work on. I'll admit that it does make me feel better about myself sometimes though

Peace

Mtns

Stephen

I get compliments every now and again, but it doesn't go to my head like it would have last year. Instead it quickly dawns on me that I didn't do anything that can be attributed to "me". It was the things I have learned, the help others have given me, the effort toward walking the path that was spawned by my particular set of life-difficulties, etc.; basically, I've merely reciprocated and given back to others. It's all conditionality; there is no self there, no ego, to feed.

I do take some comfort in compliments because they're feedback that the things I'm saying actually do help people, but it's nothing like how I used to feel.

Mountains

Stephen - prezactly! You said it better than I could.

Mtns

DhammaDhatu

Ego is not a real ego. It is just a mental function to facilitate social function.

Accepting a compliment is very virtuous, skilful & graceful (as long as your mind does not really believe it).

Dazzle

It's best to accept both compliments and insults graciously - and then let go of them again.




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ashighasifeel

thanks everybody, this is very helpful. i suppose part of the feeling i don't like results from first taking it personally then having resistance to it instead of taking it for what it is. who is it that's reacting? :crazy: thanks for sharing.