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How much pratice is right?

cta1979cta1979
edited April 2010 in Buddhism Basics
Hi

I am currently full of questions, and I know its wrong as you should search from within for your answers... but my question is this as I need help with this one!

I take my practice seriously, it needs to be part of my daily routine and I am very limited for time... I spend from 6am-8am getting myself and the children ready for work and school, work from 8am-6pm, cook, clean and spend time with the family from 6-8 and then I study for an hour and meditate for an hour between 8-10. If I dont make my practice part of my every day activity, I dont make it a priority and I loose my flow, and before i know it its not part of my routine at all! And I am slouched in front of the TV for the evening... not good.

My partner, who does not share the same views as me feels that I am turning into a religious 'maniac' by spending two hours a day practicing. He feels I dont make enough time for him, and this makes me very sad. At the same time I know this path is the right path for me and I fear its his attachment to me thats the issue. He will not admit to this, so I am at a loss on what to do. :-(

Any ideas?
:-)

Comments

  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited April 2010
    For what it's worth, I meditate two hours a day, and no one would call me a religious maniac.

    "Kill your parents, kill your teacher, kill the Buddha." The same goes for your family.

    What's your husband doing, 6am-8am? How long have you been pursuing this practice regime? Do you have a teacher/sangha? What do they think?
  • cta1979cta1979
    edited April 2010
    My partner is with us from 6-8, cooking together, eating and spending time as a family.
  • cta1979cta1979
    edited April 2010
    And no teacher, I dont know how to find one!
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited April 2010
    This is jealousy and resentment.

    My ex-husband told me he'd begun to think he'd either married, or I should have been, a Buddhist nun.
    I showed him a Buddhist book one day, and he dismissively said, after reading two paragraphs, "Well, any fool could have written that!"

    "Well", I replied, "the thing is, you didn't...."

    Basically, any time spent on you, is less time devoted to him.
    You could be taking up crocheting, or knitting, or egg carving, or miniature portrait painting, for all that it matters to him.
    The pastime is immaterial, up to a point. the fact is, you're 'slipping away from him'.
    You're practising Buddhism and it's changing you.
    For the better, no doubt, but not according to him.
    The fact that he's probably not a religious person at all, doubles his contempt.
    I'm telling you now (although I must emphasise that this is NOT what ultimately separated my husband and me) this will, if it continues like this, drive you apart.

    Now, as fivebells said, perhaps he could share in some chores with you, in order to help distribute the load of household duties, and therefore share quality time with you - or you will have to curtail what little time you have, to accommodate his wishes.

    Every moment of the day, is a moment in which to put your practice - into practice.
    Although it's wonderful (not to say ideal) you don't necessarily need to separate yourself away from everything for 2 whole hours at a time.... even 5 minutes of good-quality meditation, is a whole heap better than two whole hours of guilt-ridden meditation.

    Compromise might be the key here.
    But know this: he will never be on the same page as you, and may never want to be....
    And emotional attachments will all have to be abandoned at one point or another.
    Even your attachment to your practice.....

    be well.
    With metta.
    Fede
  • FoibleFullFoibleFull Canada Veteran
    edited April 2010
    I don't hear you saying that your partner helps with the children or the housework.

    If this is so, and if he sincerely wants you to spend more time with him, it seems he could help free up some of your time by helping with the kids and/or housework.

    That's what my partner did when I went back to university and he wanted more time with me.
  • tony67tony67
    edited April 2010
    Federica I know what you mean, my wife is a psychologist doing good work with some very damaged young people. Many of the things she does is pure Buddhism, different name same practice. But she won't have anything to do with Buddhism, she finds the idea of no-self to be "offensive"
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    edited April 2010
    cta1979 wrote: »
    My partner is with us from 6-8, cooking together, eating and spending time as a family.
    It's possible my question wasn't clear. I was asking about 6-8 in the morning, when you're helping the children prepare for school, and preparing for work yourself. What's he doing then?
    cta1979 wrote: »
    And no teacher, I dont know how to find one!
    Which Bedford do you live in? If you're looking for a teacher (given the extent of your commitment, I would highly recommend it,) this place looks promising, going just on their website.
  • pearlpearl
    edited April 2010
    I think every person deserves at least a hour a day of peaceful solitude.

    It sounds like your partner just wants more time with you. Do you have a time where just

    the two of you can be alone and relax?
  • patbbpatbb Veteran
    edited April 2010
    I mean to suggest this with the utmost respect.

    Is more intimate moments together possible? (more sex)

    Perhaps he is genuinely worry you will turn to a nun and not love/desire him anymore.
    Perhaps he's just afraid to lose you. (men are good at disguising these kind of things).
    Obviously i don't know how you are showing affection to each other, how frequently but perhaps if you show him how much you care and love him with the little things in life, like an extra kiss here and there, and extra compliment, perhaps it would help to reassure him a little.

    If you could give him the idea that your meditation and your practice will make you love him more, no matter if it's true or not (white lie), then it might reassure him.


    just an idea.

    good luck!
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited April 2010
    I recommend just listening and expressing without too much deciding what to do ie what is right and what is wrong. The idea is to understand eachothers needs and views before taking it to a power struggle to see who gets what.

    Time spent with a loved one can be good for dharma practice too. Don't forget that. I would think you need to meditate at least once a day for at least 15-30 minutes or 3x for shorter if that fits better. On top of that I recommend reflecting daily why you practice the dharma? Is it to feel good? Or what? Try to make ALL the day in harmony with that vision including being with the hubby and sharing love. Also try to read something from the dharma every day which probably takes another 15 minutes. If possible try to talk to someone about the dharma occasionally perhaps a friend or perhaps this forum.

    That leaves probably a good amount of time to spend with the husband/work/children. Remember that its not exactly true that you have ceased dharma when you are spending time with him, because it is the application of what you have learned. Really. Key word is keep it a light touch.

    Then perhaps have occasional days when you are 'on retreat' and you perhaps spend the entire morning or even the entire day meditating, reading, working mindfully.
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