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well... if the relationship ended well and with proper understanding... it is ok. if not... things are not so good. BTW I'm Sorry about your mom and dad.
It was Ok when they first broke up when they got divorced by dad found out all about the money my mum had spent behind his back and how much debt we were in :-/
It was Ok when they first broke up when they got divorced by dad found out all about the money my mum had spent behind his back and how much debt we were in :-/
Nickidoodle Jellybean
that is certainly bad.... I hope everything is alright now.
I couldn't help but feel the same when writing the bitterness thing... But in The Art of Happiness it says that relationships should still be built on a friendship because then if you go through a rough patch and the passion is lost there's still the frame of friendship. Put it like a flower, love is like a cut flower, the flower dies and there's nothing else to back it up the whole plant will die, friendship is like a full plant with roots, if the flower dies but the roots are still there there's a chance the flower can grow back...
Well there's a chance right? LOL
It may seem hopeless but I somehow doubt myself, but people aren't made to be together forever. They should just keep the breakups civil.
Nickidoodle Jellybean
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
ok. I give up. But I really thing people should behave like grown ups and not swear at each other every time they meet. It really has a bad effect on the child when parents fight.
Ive never been in the situation, but i think i would just be too jealous to be in a polygamous relationship.
yeah, it's a nobrainer...I want my wife to be just mine and share all the love with me only... if someone else gets in between our relationship I'd be angry and jealous like hell.
Well it's a fact, many meaningless relationships are build on looks- sex. Sex, sex, sex. It's all some people care about.
My parents arguing does have an effect on me. Occasionly it overwhelms me and I get upset but I try to look on the bright side of life. When I'm 18 my mum will learn how her mistakes when I read the court letters and tell my parents what I think of them once and for all.
from my point of view... People are attracted to each other because of looks and there is.... I won't deny there is the sexual thing. the next step is deep and loving understanding of each other..... Love. if a relation is built on love, understanding and respect for each other, I don't think it would break down.
My parents arguing does have an effect on me. Occasionly it overwhelms me and I get upset but I try to look on the bright side of life. When I'm 18 my mum will learn how her mistakes when I read the court letters and tell my parents what I think of them once and for all.
Nickidoodle Jellybean
best of luck with that.. and I'm quite surprised to learn that you have not yet turned 18... i though you'd be 22-23.
yeah, but every relationship breaks down eventually There's an old couple across from my nan who have been together since they were 12 But given all eternity, a relationship would eventually break up, IMHO.
Personally, I can eat just one or two simple meals and give all my share of money and love to them. But my limited income and their simultaneous different expectation of love just does not allow me to provide happiness and joys to as many of them. In the negative side of it, if they are not enlightened and not in harmony and loving, then I am helping them to plant alot of bad karma in course of kind intention. Actually, I am not an enlightened beings that can transform many bodies to accomodate the different needs. In fact, it is also a karma for them to be living together in this short lifespan, usually more harm than good, unless they explore Buddhism teachings and to achieve complete harmony in this polygamous relationship
same here... I said that in other thread also... I think he is a very high level Buddhist.. I have not yet reached the level... I don't think I will reach that level... and even if I do I won't talk like that.
I personally feel like it treats the women like commodities to be had and not loved, and dehumanizes them all for the petty sexual gratification of a man
I personally feel like it treats the women like commodities to be had and not loved, and dehumanizes them all for the petty sexual gratification of a man
true.... and relationships are bound to break if you treat woman as commodities.
or as Bond would say - disposable objects of pleasure.
No, it's not what people ARE doing now. It's what they think they are trying to do, but in a way that is self-serving and personally satisfying.
i like you and your posts....
As for me, one woman in my life is more then enough lol. If I were to have multiple partners, it would be for lust only, the direct sattisfaction of my sexual desires, and that's not really buddhist stuff right....
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zombiegirlbeating the drum of the lifelessin a dry wastelandVeteran
Well it's a fact, many meaningless relationships are build on looks- sex. Sex, sex, sex. It's all some people care about.
My parents arguing does have an effect on me. Occasionly it overwhelms me and I get upset but I try to look on the bright side of life. When I'm 18 my mum will learn how her mistakes when I read the court letters and tell my parents what I think of them once and for all.
Nickidoodle Jellybean
be careful with this. my parents are also divorced, and yes yes, i had a real hard time with it and held a certain amount of resentment because it for a long time... but even now, i am slightly ashamed of things said. i was rather, stuck in the middle of it...which is not right for a child, but that doesn't make it right. remember that you are stuck with your parents for your entire life. you can run away from them and never talk to them if you like, but there will always still be a bond. i resented my father for years and cut him out of my life, but i still worried about him constantly. i think when you are younger, what is most obvious to you is how the world affects you, especially parents. i used to resent my mother and think of how hard she made my life, but now that i am older this thought brings tears to my eyes because i am aware how much she truly sacrificed for me. i just never saw it. she worked two jobs just to pay the mortgage and all i could see is that i was upset she wasn't around more. she had a boyfriend she spent time with and all i could see was that she chose him over me. i never saw her as a person with wants and needs, this is the luxury of childhood. life is hard and you don't really understand that until you have to make it on your own. we all do what we think is best and sometimes we're wrong. have compassion for your parents, i'm sure life didn't turn out exactly as as they had hoped either.
it is said that you can only hate that which you love. i think this explains most divorces. the potential for pure hatred and anger is quite disturbing. but as i grow older, i have also grown to understand this. the reality is that you cannot believe anyone when they say "forever". what they really mean is "if things continue as is forever", haha. and i think we all know that they cannot.
but back to the original topic of polygamy. in the examples i have known in my life, they always just bring up more questions than answers. in my experience, they have always been either A. just about sex (meaning, menage-a-trois) or B. one sided (as in, only one partner gets to step outside of marriage because they are usually bisexual and claim their needs cannot be fulfilled). all i really know is that there is no way i could ever do it myself, haha. much too jealous (and so is my partner, for that matter). but i don't knock it for those who do want it. i don't have the time nor the energy to care what other consensual of-age people do behind their bedroom doors.
from my point of view... People are attracted to each other because of looks and there is.... I won't deny there is the sexual thing. the next step is deep and loving understanding of each other..... Love. if a relation is built on love, understanding and respect for each other, I don't think it would break down.
it's easy to fall in love....to stay in love is a lot trickier....
Zombiegirl, thanks, but I just don't see how my mum sacrifices for me. We're moving out of my conveniant village because she doesn't like it, she cooks her boyfriend's tea but not mine, she spends lots of money on beauticians, our mortgages are only getting Final Demand letters, she earns enough money, she never listens to anything I have to say be it serious or casual and in the middle of my sentences she just starts talking to her boyfriend like I don't exist, she cheated my dad out of £60000 ect. ect.
Davey, what about same-sex polygamous relationships? Their not treating a gender as unequal...
Traditional polygamy practiced by various societies is several women for one man. The problem with that is math: you end up with a whole bunch of "womanless" men who feel frustrated and tense. I suspect some wars in the past were actually driven by there being young men with no prospects of getting a wife in their own land...one alternative is to take "enemy's" women. Now that can't be a good thing, can it?
Zombiegirl, thanks, but I just don't see how my mum sacrifices for me. We're moving out of my conveniant village because she doesn't like it, she cooks her boyfriend's tea but not mine, she spends lots of money on beauticians, our mortgages are only getting Final Demand letters, she earns enough money, she never listens to anything I have to say be it serious or casual and in the middle of my sentences she just starts talking to her boyfriend like I don't exist, she cheated my dad out of £60000 ect. ect.
Nickidoodle Jellybean
that is so hard. .. you still live with your mother?!?!
Zombiegirl, thanks, but I just don't see how my mum sacrifices for me. We're moving out of my conveniant village because she doesn't like it, she cooks her boyfriend's tea but not mine, she spends lots of money on beauticians, our mortgages are only getting Final Demand letters, she earns enough money, she never listens to anything I have to say be it serious or casual and in the middle of my sentences she just starts talking to her boyfriend like I don't exist, she cheated my dad out of £60000 ect. ect.
can you live with your dad or are you forced to live with your mom? is this why you talked about court statements against your mother, so that you can live with your dad?
i think some people teach us how to be better people... and some people simply teach us what not to do.
a great test of your practice would be to try and develop compassion for her anyhow.
can you live with your dad or are you forced to live with your mom? is this why you talked about court statements against your mother, so that you can live with your dad?
i think some people teach us how to be better people... and some people simply teach us what not to do.
a great test of your practice would be to try and develop compassion for her anyhow.
yes. it is true. some people teach us how to be better and some teach us what not to do.
try to develop compassion!? I think that is going to be hard.
Oh, I've developed compassion and I don't want to live with my dad because 1. he doesn't have a house, 2. his girlfriend (where he lives on the weekend) lives where I'd have to change schools and 3. I wouldn't get to see my nan or cousins much. But thanks for the help, I'm OK
Comments
All the best
Nickidoodle Jellybean
Nickidoodle Jellybean
that is certainly bad.... I hope everything is alright now.
Nickidoodle Jellybean
Ahh youthful naivete lol.
Well there's a chance right? LOL
It may seem hopeless but I somehow doubt myself, but people aren't made to be together forever. They should just keep the breakups civil.
Nickidoodle Jellybean
This is possibly the wisest thing you could ever keep in your mind, or in your heart, Nickidoodle.
Ain't that the truth.
Am I wrong. OK. at least they behave like grown ups ??? not swearing at each other each time they lay their eyes on each other.
Again, ever met my parents?
As Valtiel would say, 'Ahh youthful naivete lol'.
no seriously I need an answer to this - and of course relations are built on friendship, what else are they built on... Looks?
yeah, it's a nobrainer...I want my wife to be just mine and share all the love with me only... if someone else gets in between our relationship I'd be angry and jealous like hell.
My parents arguing does have an effect on me. Occasionly it overwhelms me and I get upset but I try to look on the bright side of life. When I'm 18 my mum will learn how her mistakes when I read the court letters and tell my parents what I think of them once and for all.
Nickidoodle Jellybean
best of luck with that.. and I'm quite surprised to learn that you have not yet turned 18... i though you'd be 22-23.
Nickidoodle Jellybean
Nickidoodle Jellybean
same here... I said that in other thread also... I think he is a very high level Buddhist.. I have not yet reached the level... I don't think I will reach that level... and even if I do I won't talk like that.
I can never read you, if you know what I mean lol. I can never tell if your being funny or serious or what...but...:)
true.... and relationships are bound to break if you treat woman as commodities.
or as Bond would say - disposable objects of pleasure.
i like you and your posts....
As for me, one woman in my life is more then enough lol. If I were to have multiple partners, it would be for lust only, the direct sattisfaction of my sexual desires, and that's not really buddhist stuff right....
be careful with this. my parents are also divorced, and yes yes, i had a real hard time with it and held a certain amount of resentment because it for a long time... but even now, i am slightly ashamed of things said. i was rather, stuck in the middle of it...which is not right for a child, but that doesn't make it right. remember that you are stuck with your parents for your entire life. you can run away from them and never talk to them if you like, but there will always still be a bond. i resented my father for years and cut him out of my life, but i still worried about him constantly. i think when you are younger, what is most obvious to you is how the world affects you, especially parents. i used to resent my mother and think of how hard she made my life, but now that i am older this thought brings tears to my eyes because i am aware how much she truly sacrificed for me. i just never saw it. she worked two jobs just to pay the mortgage and all i could see is that i was upset she wasn't around more. she had a boyfriend she spent time with and all i could see was that she chose him over me. i never saw her as a person with wants and needs, this is the luxury of childhood. life is hard and you don't really understand that until you have to make it on your own. we all do what we think is best and sometimes we're wrong. have compassion for your parents, i'm sure life didn't turn out exactly as as they had hoped either.
it is said that you can only hate that which you love. i think this explains most divorces. the potential for pure hatred and anger is quite disturbing. but as i grow older, i have also grown to understand this. the reality is that you cannot believe anyone when they say "forever". what they really mean is "if things continue as is forever", haha. and i think we all know that they cannot.
but back to the original topic of polygamy. in the examples i have known in my life, they always just bring up more questions than answers. in my experience, they have always been either A. just about sex (meaning, menage-a-trois) or B. one sided (as in, only one partner gets to step outside of marriage because they are usually bisexual and claim their needs cannot be fulfilled). all i really know is that there is no way i could ever do it myself, haha. much too jealous (and so is my partner, for that matter). but i don't knock it for those who do want it. i don't have the time nor the energy to care what other consensual of-age people do behind their bedroom doors.
it's easy to fall in love....to stay in love is a lot trickier....
yes... staying in love is a lot trickier... I requires a lot of effort and understanding on part of both the partners.
Zombiegirl, thanks, but I just don't see how my mum sacrifices for me. We're moving out of my conveniant village because she doesn't like it, she cooks her boyfriend's tea but not mine, she spends lots of money on beauticians, our mortgages are only getting Final Demand letters, she earns enough money, she never listens to anything I have to say be it serious or casual and in the middle of my sentences she just starts talking to her boyfriend like I don't exist, she cheated my dad out of £60000 ect. ect.
Davey, what about same-sex polygamous relationships? Their not treating a gender as unequal...
Nickidoodle Jellybean
Nickidoodle Jellybean
that is so hard. .. you still live with your mother?!?!
can you live with your dad or are you forced to live with your mom? is this why you talked about court statements against your mother, so that you can live with your dad?
i think some people teach us how to be better people... and some people simply teach us what not to do.
a great test of your practice would be to try and develop compassion for her anyhow.
not that it is any of my business but why don't you live with dad??
yes. it is true. some people teach us how to be better and some teach us what not to do.
try to develop compassion!? I think that is going to be hard.
Nickidoodle Jellybean