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Is too much 'Detachment' a bad thing?
I recently saw Up in the Air, and it is a good movie about a guy who tries to go through life without having possessions or people burden him or weigh him down. However, SPOILER ALERT- he gradually feels a kind of loneliness as a result of not letting much in his life. They made a good point when he was convincing someone to go through with a marriage---As a character was thinking about the senselessness of marriage, he had him think about how all of the best times and moments in his life have been with other people.
But do you think that having any attachments is always a bad thing?
But do you think that having any attachments is always a bad thing?
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I personally understand the idea as just going with the flow. Like going down a river. Attachment and clinging would be like getting stuck on or grabbing onto a rock or a stick not moving, while being left behind the flow of the river.
So no, I don't think any form of detachment is a bad thing, so long as you understand what it means to be detached. You still have to live life.
For example, I don't like having much stuff, therefore I don't own a bed, or any furniture, and rent a small room which does the job of protecting me from the weather.
Benefits:
- The rent for this room is very low, I only need to work 2 days a week to pay all the bills. This gives me much more free time (5 days weekend, 2 days working)
- I don't like staying in 1 place too long, the room I only rent for 6 months, after those six months, I can decide where ever I want to live, stay for another 6 months in the same room, move to another city, rent a room for some months in another country, explore life there.. All my stuff together I'm able to fit in 1 backpack, so it's really easy for me to move from place to place.
Negative sides:
- I used to have a lot of stuff, and it takes some courage to sell and give away your furniture, car, personal belongings like dvd's, books, tv, radio. After getting rid of all of it, you might feel empty. I felt empty too, but after a while you get used to having little stuff and start to see the benefits.
- Another downside is the lack of comfort. I sit on the floor now all the time, I don't have a desk, no couch, not even a table..
As to detach yourself from family and friends.. Personally I don't want to do that, but of course that is a choice everybody has to make for themselves.
But detaching yourself from possessions, it does give you the opportunity to support yourself with working only 2 days a week, you can explore more of the world, since you don't need to pay a mortgage every month, and it can give you much peace of mind, since there won't be any worrying anymore about getting enough money to pay the bills.
As to the OP, please note that 'detachment' has a different ring to 'non-attachment' IMO - the first seems cold & empty, whereas true non-attachment is meant to fill you with joy.
I definitely don't think having a loving relationship with another human being is futile or senseless. I do think however that having a relationship for the sake of having a relationship, either because that's what society tells us we should do, or because we (in our own minds) "must" have a relationship, is good. A relationship should happen spontaneously between people who feel a deep connection toward one another. Not a clinging, grasping kind of relationship, but a deep spiritual connection if you will. I think it's entirely possible to have that kind of relationship without a lot of clinging. I've seen it before, and I hope I see it for myself someday.
Mtns
In detachment, a deep and penetrating understanding of the impermanence of all things leads you to give up clinging to phenomena, be it a steak, a lover, a pizza or your own life. You have a fully ripened connection to things, let them in and through fully, without grasping at them or pushing them away. Simple recognition and full relating.
In avoidance, you attempt to keep all things away from you because of that clinging to objects. If you can't have the object forever, you must never let into your heart because they are temporary. Why fall in love when you'll fall out of love. Why wash clothes when they will get dirty. Never order steak because you'll cry when it is gone. This is not really detachment, this is avoidance, and actually an expression of clinging, not detachment.
I think in Up in the Air, the qualities of both of these ideas are being juxtaposed to help people see this.
What do you think?
With warmth,
Matt
"things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn't possess,
acts but doesn't expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it." i think this sums up the idea of detachment very well