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Blame.
Hello,I am new here and not at all a Buddhist,but i have no time for faffing around (current mood).Anyway what i want to ask,put out there,is it my fault for feeling betrayed by people who used to be friends because they betrayed my trust ?
:poke:
:poke:
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If you can look at them as people making choices based off numerous emotions and thoughts, then you can see that even if the descision was based off greed or lust or anger or whatever it was, that emotion is an emotion you have as well. Imperfection and bad choices are a common challenge for all of us, and theirs has nothing to do with you.
With warmth,
Matt
In Buddhism, trustworthiness is a virtue. The Buddha said 'trust is the best of relationships'.
It is natural to feel betrayed when other betrays our trust.
But then Buddha also taught in life we can experience true friends & false friends.
He also said all beings are born with 'not-knowing', so sometimes people do harmful or unkind things.
To understand this can help us to be wiser, more judicious & more accepting.
With kindness
Ah, Ok, nevermind then.
Good luck,
Matt
yes. to put it simply it is your fault.
Basically you are responsile for your emotions.
No one has ever made you feel bad, and no one ever will.
You make yourself feel bad, you allways did and you will allways do.
you do so by blindly reacting to life events.
hope this is real world enough
the show on MTV? Because thats what it sounds like.
if it is me, I assure you I had no mean intentions, only trying to help.
Now see, this kind of thing could be the very thing that is holding you away from your own happiness. Did you post your initial post just to vent? Are you actually trying to learn how to be a more stable person? :poke:
Step up or step out.
Matt
:uphand:
Grow up.
Him or me.
Speak up .
can you please mention the name of the person you are replying to (or use the quote button) in order for other people to be able to understand the discussion?
especially when there is more than one person participating in a thread, it's impossible to follow.
again, who's the mean hippy?
Welcome to the forum Liam!
It would be in your favor to look further into Buddhism or a similar practice of 'looking inward'. From reading this thread it seems you have a lot of attachment of your image, and seem to take offense from innocent replies. Although they may seem 'attacking', you may feel hurt and have impulses to call people clowns and stupid hippies to defend your ego (even reading this sentence, many people are hurt by telling them they have an ego). This kind of thinking disrupts your perception of reality.
To answer your initial question, there is pain and there is suffering. Betrayal can be seen as something that's simply 'bad' in it's own nature. It's simply not a good thing. So you have two choices. You can either suffer from it and let it get you down, or you can accept it for what it is, live in the moment, and know that it had passed, and enjoy yourself. Why should their actions make you suffer?
Metta
Robin
hahaha :uphand:
Sorry for the confusion.
well let me assure you once again that my intentions were not to be mean or to offend you in any way.
Since you stated that I was trying to oblige to your mood and be direct.
My response was simply stating a simplified version of the truth, nothing personal against you.
(basically all suffering are cause by the ego, not actually the real "you", but "you" as a beginner would understand it.)
A river does not flow upstream.
Relax.
happening whenever you turn around. I think there is nothing wrong with feelings, even "bad" ones. It is when we act in such a way that causes our self or others more suffering that we enter a cycle of regret, which sometimes can be very difficult to get straightened out.....
i'm not quite sure what you are trying to say tho...
btw did you get a satisfactory answer to your original question?
Apologies for being a cranky buffoon.
I know what you mean. I often use that very word "Gollum" to describe the behavior of some of my "friends". I think practicing Buddhism helps you "not have to do anything about it". I have intense feelings and vindictive thoughts ( sometimes ), but then again i have good feelings and happy thoughts ( sometimes ). With practicing Buddhist meditation that stills your mind and emotions, it gives you time to breathe, to take a break, and when we have that kind of space, you want to keep it, widen it, not let "things" into it that mess it up. So when something comes into this space you are very aware of it. If we cling onto that "something" it usually makes it grow out of proportion, and it becomes hard to let it go..... Sorry about your friends acting so "gollumly"!
You know it sometimes a good thing to let them know how you are feeling. It might shake them up and out of the behavior they have become accustomed to.
I'm sorry to hear about your friends. Are you still affiliating yourself with these people?
For a more exaggerated situation, I used to have a friend that seemed to victimize herself and always have strong emotional responses to things. She would hang out with junkies and then tell people she thinks she might get AIDS. Any efforts of telling her that she shouldn't be hanging out with that crowd, she would say that 'we don't understand' and that she needs to help them by hanging out doing drugs. She was the most dramatic person I had in my life, so myself and many of my friends just stopped talking to her, as that's not what we 'signed up for' as friends. She then started claiming she 'needs' us and said she's lonely and moaned about nobody liking her (A direct karmic consequence of her actions). Luckily she's under psychological care.
I'm not saying you're victimizing yourself, but see what someone's mind can do to them? Whether it's radical behavior or not, the mind can make someone deluded by these types of situations. To quote the Dhammapada:
"He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me,'' in those who harbour such thoughts hatred is not appeased. He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me,'' in those who do not harbour such thoughts hatred is appeased."
My advice would be to cut ties with these people (if you haven't already), and live on. Friends that do things like that certainly aren't friends. It's best to let go of the attachment of their presence. It can be really difficult, but try not to let the emotions / ego get the best of you by focusing on what you're doing in the present.
Hope that helps!
Have seen them around a couple of times on my morning walks and i am just wondering if there is a method to dealing with them.
I dont know them anymore,they are totally flying out of their tits.