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Turning Down Money
I made a pretty big financial decision decision yesterday, one which I made confidently, but don't quite know what to make of it.
Some necessary background...I'm entering my third year of college next semester. I have all tuition paid for through the military. I had a housing allowance until recently, but that has been cut from the military's budget. So it''s my own responsibility to find housing next semester and pay for it.
Enter my parents. Evidently, when my grandfather died several decades ago, he left us a sizable inheritance. My dad invested in such a way that it would not be taxed so long as it was eventually used for either housing or educational purposes for either myself or my sister.
As soon as my parents learned that I had to find my own place to pay for next semester, they said not to worry since the inheritance from my grandfather would easily cover the cost of living and utilities for a year. It sounded too good to be true, and I thought nothing of it.
But I slowly started to change my mind. My friend who I will be living with next year will have just enough money to rent the apartment next semester. He's working all summer long to pay for it. When I reflected on this for a while, I suddenly felt ashamed to accept the money from my parents. After all, I too have a full time job, and thanks to careful budgeting and a few lucky stock investments, I have plenty of money from my own savings to pay my own way. I potentially have plenty left over to help out my friend as well.
So I told my parents yesterday that I was forsaking the inheritance from my grandfather. They were surprised to say the least and protested, but I told them to just give it to my sister instead. My father gratefully paid for my laser eye surgery that I recently underwent. I felt embarrassed enough accepting that and wanted to pay for part of it, but I was refused. To accept anything further is just unacceptable to me.
It's a matter of pride for me. I'm not against accepting money, but I like to feel like I earned it. I'm pretty independent-minded. It feels shameful to accept money that is mine only by accident of birth. It feels...aristocratic I guess.
So maybe it was a dumb decision. My plans to buy a cool, old car and fix it up have certainly been postponed by several years, but I feel better knowing that I'm paying for my own way. Am I just being too idealistic?
Some necessary background...I'm entering my third year of college next semester. I have all tuition paid for through the military. I had a housing allowance until recently, but that has been cut from the military's budget. So it''s my own responsibility to find housing next semester and pay for it.
Enter my parents. Evidently, when my grandfather died several decades ago, he left us a sizable inheritance. My dad invested in such a way that it would not be taxed so long as it was eventually used for either housing or educational purposes for either myself or my sister.
As soon as my parents learned that I had to find my own place to pay for next semester, they said not to worry since the inheritance from my grandfather would easily cover the cost of living and utilities for a year. It sounded too good to be true, and I thought nothing of it.
But I slowly started to change my mind. My friend who I will be living with next year will have just enough money to rent the apartment next semester. He's working all summer long to pay for it. When I reflected on this for a while, I suddenly felt ashamed to accept the money from my parents. After all, I too have a full time job, and thanks to careful budgeting and a few lucky stock investments, I have plenty of money from my own savings to pay my own way. I potentially have plenty left over to help out my friend as well.
So I told my parents yesterday that I was forsaking the inheritance from my grandfather. They were surprised to say the least and protested, but I told them to just give it to my sister instead. My father gratefully paid for my laser eye surgery that I recently underwent. I felt embarrassed enough accepting that and wanted to pay for part of it, but I was refused. To accept anything further is just unacceptable to me.
It's a matter of pride for me. I'm not against accepting money, but I like to feel like I earned it. I'm pretty independent-minded. It feels shameful to accept money that is mine only by accident of birth. It feels...aristocratic I guess.
So maybe it was a dumb decision. My plans to buy a cool, old car and fix it up have certainly been postponed by several years, but I feel better knowing that I'm paying for my own way. Am I just being too idealistic?
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Comments
but your post highlight some traits in you that might deserve your attention.
pride is the goal of ego. Label for that identity, that ego.
Only use for this is to limit yourself.
To become free, see what conditioning made you react in this fashion.
Observe it, see it for what it is.
There's nothing shameful in using the advantages given to you; just don't forget them or take them for granted.
I'm able to subsidize the running of this site because relatives helped me pay for my college education, leaving me debt-free. Getting that money doesn't mean you needn't work hard all summer to earn more; it means you have an opportunity to use it for something else. Use that opportunity wisely.
So? Why's that bad? It's my guilty conscience no matter how you slice it. Call it pride or ego or whatever you want.
I acknowledge that I'm limiting myself to a degree. But I feel better having done so.
My whole decision is grounded in the desire to be free. Free of obligation, free of guilt, and free of owing anyone anything or feeling that way.
.
I see what you are saying. But if I accepted the money, I would feel obligated to pay it back in the long run. And seeing as I don't actually need it, there would be no reason to take it in the first place.
My sister is approaching college age. Better for her to take it. She'll need it more than I do. And to be honest, she will have far less reservations about taking it.
The idea is that we can free ourselves from conditioning so we can actually take decisions based on our wisdom, not be forced to do something and be slave of our conditioning.
this is Buddhism.
nothing wrong with your decision, it is very likely that you would have took the same decision even if you were an enlighten being.
When you turn away from your grandfather, your actions seem full of scorn. Its fine to think of yourself as self-sufficient, but it is unnecessary. However, thinking of yourself as ashamed for the resources available to you is like not using your brain to its full extent because you think it gives you more than you deserve. When I hear your money story, it feels like your family is with you, loving and supporting you in a tangible way, and in pride you turn it down, where compassion might say "oh, wow... thank you" and simply move on. If your mother bought you a nice watch for your birthday, would you toss it back at her because you have the resources to buy your own?
I feel you could have a mature discussion with your family about where you are financially... which might serve better. Then, all of you together can decide the best place to invest your Grandfather's offering. It might be with your sister, but if you open your heart to your parents and look together, then you will be helping support your family ties instead of rebuking them.
With warmth,
Matt
I could not put it towards the goodness of mankind even if I had accepted it. Given how it was invested, it can only be used for education-related expenses; either tuition or housing.
There's no scorn. And it's nothing against my grandfather. But when all my friends are barely capable of living on their own, I don't want to feel like some grandee living off an inheritance. Maybe if the money could be simply saved or I could invest it myself, I would have considered it, but that's just the way things are.
I talked to my dad last night. He said that he would have probably done the same thing at my age. He never liked the idea of having a benefactor or someone to pay for his way.
Like I said, I told them to give it all to my sister. She is not as fortunate as me to have a full time job or significant savings like I do. I only have two more years of schooling, and she wants to go law school. She clearly needs it more than I.
Palzang