Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Household chores as practice
nakazcid
Somewhere in Dixie, y'all Veteran
I hate household chores specifically, and manual labor in general. Obviously, this makes the chores all that much odious, and generates some bad karma when I have to do these things.
I've succeeded to a small extent incorporating practice in to my career. My job is low status in my industry, but I get to help people on a daily basis, admittedly in a way that is limited and not life-changing. Instead of approaching it with the motivation of "I need to help these people to make a paycheck", I try to approach it with some genuine compassion. This has made work more enjoyable and purposeful, instead of simply worshipping the almighty buck.
Is there something similar I can do with these chores? I seem to recall something about Thich Nhat Hanh washing dishes...
I've succeeded to a small extent incorporating practice in to my career. My job is low status in my industry, but I get to help people on a daily basis, admittedly in a way that is limited and not life-changing. Instead of approaching it with the motivation of "I need to help these people to make a paycheck", I try to approach it with some genuine compassion. This has made work more enjoyable and purposeful, instead of simply worshipping the almighty buck.
Is there something similar I can do with these chores? I seem to recall something about Thich Nhat Hanh washing dishes...
0
Comments
when u sleep u sleep
when u wash dishes u wash dishes...
I look at chores as a constant reminder that nothing is permanent (altough you clean everyday, stuff still get's dirty), that life is suffering (I really don't like doing chores) and it gives me sometimes the chance to meditate....
I hate chores, too! It took me a long time to resolve the internal argument that I was doing chores to make others think I was clean, I didn't really care if my surroundings were clean or organized, etc. But I realized this was part of my self-hatred. I do thrive when my surroundings are clean and organized. I decided that I wanted to start keeping up with chores to reflect the love that I have for myself.
To do this easily, I just make a promise to do three chores daily when I get home. On days that I'm feeling lazy, I make the chores easy. On a good day, I'll vaccum one room, dust one room, and cook a full meal (I count cooking as a chore). On a lazy day, I'll load the dishwasher, wash a load of clothes (but won't fold), and wash the kitchen counters really quickly.
This really helps it become more manageable, and more of a permanent habit.
It speaks about how we have the activity that we do that can evoke feeling, then there is all of the mental garbage we experience that is associated to that activity. If you quiet the mental garbage, then the experience won't be as distressing.
Two Arrows SN36:6
Sorry, had to say that.
At least with chores, you can get the job done at a moderate speed, whereas with suttras... Why don't you just get to the point quickly?
I, too, hate chores, but when you do them for others, out of love, they become joyous occasions for expressing that love.
I love washing the dishes, as i don't have to think of anything while doing it.
Either way maybe it will help you to just keep in mind that it is your fault that you hate chores.
You did this to yourself.
The fact that some people in the world do enjoy chores mean that it is possible for you, and that you can change your mind and un-condition yourself.
This might be specific to me and irrelevant to others, but: I've actually been putting effort into letting go of the mindset that I do a given chore out of love for someone else (i.e. my wife). Even though my intention is that this is an act of love, with no strings attached, what can sometimes happen is that I feel resentful or at least sad if I see that my actions are not appreciated. Of course if something is truly done out of love then no "reward" should be expected in return, but this is the reality of my emotional limitations it seems, because even keeping this in mind is sometimes not enough.
Therefore, for myself at least, I have found it very useful to let go of doing chores (and related mundane sufferings) for anyone other than myself. And, yes, being mindful during such activities is extremely useful, for even if the experience is still unpleasant, I know that I am growing by being able to bear it mindfully. This makes it more bearable, and eventually even a non-issue, as it becomes part of the normal routine and the counter-productive should-I-shouldn't-I chatter disappears.
Some of this I already understand on an intellectual level, though putting it into practice isn't trivial for me. It involves what I call "negative self-talk". When I start washing the dishes, I think "I hate washing dishes. It makes my back hurt and is so boring! I could be watching TV or surfing the Internet. Woe is me!" I understand this, and try to quell this "mental garbage", and it helps - when I can remain mindful of it.
As others have mentioned, I also try to look at the chores as an act of compassion. When I was living alone, this was hard to do, but now that I have a companion living with me it's easier. And, yes, there is a danger of feeling unappreciated, but I find that regarding chores in this way is more help than hindrance.
However, this passage puzzles me:
What is this quality of resistance (and resistance-obsession) that the sutta speaks of? And why is he delighting in sensual pleasure when he has been struck by an arrow?
EDIT: Just read the alternate translation, where it speaks of resentment. This is a little easier to understand, but I remain puzzled.
physical pain and pleasure are the same.
btw about chores, here's an idea:
Instead of feeling resentment toward the chore, try feeling resentment toward whatever other activity you are conditionned to prefer doing.
ex: instead of thinking, "haaaaa... I don't want to do this stupid borig chore, i'll just watch tv to relax and do the chore later"
instead, try:"haaaaa... I don't want to watch that stupid tv for two hours. I'll do the chore to relax and i'll watch the tv later."
and try to believe it.
once you did this for chores, or whatever else in your life, then you will have a proof that you do have a choice and you don't have to be a slave of your conditioning.
Interesting approach, patbb! I'll have to give it a try.
I read in the book that sparked this that if you look at washing dishes as a task then it will feel like forever but if you embrace it and manage to enjoy the art\beauty of washing each dish, not only will it become an enjoyable experience but it will be over in no time at all and give you the satisfaction of a job well done. that's not exactly what it said but it's how I interpreted the same idea.
so dishes, laundry, cooking.... and then eating what you cooked... bring it on baby.
Now instead of nagging the kids to do the lawn (which they know they should) I enjoy the opportunity to be out there enjoy the great weather the smell of freshly cut grass, the exercise and get the work done. Why should THEY have all the fun
It's how I learned to embrace the act of cooking and so by the time I sit down to eat I've already been enjoying the experience so i no longer overeat in fact this is how I lost 64lbs in the past 8 months!
and if you do, try to be good to yourself.
If you put an effort to do something that you don't usually do, like cleaning, then compliment yourself for it.
No matter if you did everything you would have wanted to do or not.
If you put in the effort, and end up spending 30 minutes doing the chores, that is a great achievement!
"Good job me!, you did awesome!
You faced your resentment, you did great!
Tomorrow will be even easier!
A week or two of this and you will have overcome your conditioning!!
Awesome job me!"
seriously!
I use to do this. I use to smoke, and dwell on how terrible it felt when i tried to quit.
I would go half a day without smoking, then give up and go for a smoke.
And then felt terrible because i thought i failed.
So next time i would try to quit, all i could remember was that terrible feeling of failing.
The day i figured out that I should be kind and positive to myself, i could then quit within a week without any problem.
I would go half a day without smoking, and keep telling myself "good job! half a day is awesome! you're doing great! Tomorrow will be even easier, i'm proud of you my self!"
treat your "self" as good as you would treat anyone else, that mean be nice to it, positive reinforcement, compliments etc... It will change your life
That sounds awesome! I'm overweight myself, and I really hate cooking. Are you saying the two are related? Interesting concept, though I can't immediately see how being overweight and a dislike of cooking are connected.
patbb: Being kind to myself is something I've had great difficulty with in the past, though I'm much gentler with myself now. Still, sometimes it's hard to resist that voice that says "You stupid so-and-so. You failed again!"
Unneccessary housechore could be minimised depending on yr household and desire.
Hi Nakazcid, I'm home now so I had a chance to find the book, It's called: Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long Term Fulfillment by George Leonard.
Now I the thing is I found it to be a very quick read nothing too deep yet it made me think and realize anything we do we can end up enjoying and being the best that we can if we only embrace the concept. Based on this book, I started applying it throughout my life and this is where I came up (probably stole it from the book without realizing it
As mentioned it's not too deep but yet it's simplicity rang true to me. I applied if first to my practice of Classical Guitar, then to chores, then cooking and now pretty much everything I do. The key is that The JOURNEY whatever that is is what is important.
So for instance cooking... we spend so much time anticipating the meal that by the time we eat we have been tasting all along, hated the process of cooking (so an easy way out is to buy the crap sold to us as food) and then when we eat we often eat standing or in a rush wolfing it down without even letting our taste buds or our brains register that we have eaten for 2 or 3.
But with this approach I can happily embrace the simple task of making a fresh loaf of bread or pasta, a salad or what not, I take my time, I don't taste what I'm cooking every two seconds. I play guitar or meditation music in the background and next thing you know I have had a great time for 1 or 3 hours. Then when I eat, I already have experienced and let my brain register the smells an textures as I cooked, I sit down make a pretty dish, make sure the food is nice and hot or cold as it should be, and gently and patiently embrace the act of eating.
I guarantee you that by the time I'm done savoring, tasting, eating and ENJOYING the food, others would have wolfed down 2 or 3 times as much and are still hungry because they missed the experience.
So yes my friend the act of cooking for me is very much related to the act of eating. And with this frame of mind I'm no longer a diabetic, I eat delicious food that I can taste, smell and enjoy and have lost 64lbs to date. It's not a diet but a change of outlook on life.
Think of it this way, would you have sex without courting your sweet heart with foreplay and loving words? Isn't the journey to the end what makes the final goal the best?
So to me, whether it's a pretty lawn, a great meal or a night with my loved one it's the journey to the final result where I find the joy.
I hope you read this book, and that maybe it helps you the way it helped me to see things in a different way.
Namaste
Ivan
I hate washing dishes too and it also makes MY back hurt like hell, so I don't know if there's enough mindfulness I could muster to get past the pain, but I'll try to apply the other suggestions when I do any sort of chore next time.
I think you're getting a lot of what is necessary to overcome the pattern. Don't try to turn the chores into a compassionate act, though. Don't try to cover the unpleasant with pleasant smelling paint. Rather, use your focus to see into the truth of what is in front of you. Then the compassion and peace will occur naturally. You cannot effort compassion... you must effort into the causes that prevent compassion from being there.
The chores are not the unpleasant part. The unpleasant part is all the mental bullshit that flows while you're doing it. My suggestion is to stop saying chores. Rather, when you approach the dishes, say "I am going to meditate now" and focus on the sensations of hot and cool, the breath, the noises of the dishes. There is a whole symphony of sensation right in front of you that you miss out on because you decided TV is better.
That is the teaching I see in the 'pleasure of pain'. Having a sensation can be magic, if it is met with mindfulness... no matter what the sensation happens to be. It does take effort, but it is right effort, and it leads to liberation.
With warmth,
Matt
If I may make a small suggestion. why don't you try to sit on a tall stool so you can be comfortable, put rest your elbows on the sink edges, put on some of your favorite music and contemplate on how wonderful the soapy water can feel as each dish gets all wet, shiny and clean?
The trick is to do a paradigm shift, to see a task in a new light and find a way to "enjoy the journey"
Namaste
ivan
Matt I love the way you put it. It's much along the same lines as what I've learned not to avoid the process but to simply embrace it and find a way to meditate\contemplate and focus on what it is that you are doing.
Plus for me, it sure helps not to cut my hands when when I'm cutting the veggies when I cook
I'd have to go shopping for a high stool first. The music would be easy but somehow I have the feeling I wouldn't be RUNNING to the shop so I can get that stool. lol. Laziness at its best here.
Well how about just changing the way you stand... can't get any simpler than that.
On the weekends I cook for 2-4 hours and when my back starts acting up I simply rest my self on my elbows on the sink or counter which let's me do the task at hand but provides a lot of relief for my aching back.
regardless the key still is how you approach the task, if it remains a task then it will say as such but if you embrace the journey well aren't journeys supposed to be fun?
I tried this tonight when I washed the dishes. The load was light tonight, but I had some issues on my mind going into it. I was only partially successful suppressing the monkey chatter, but I tried to savor the sensations of dish washing. For me it was mostly visual - watching the patterns of soap in the sink, tracing the path of the suds as they slid off the dishes, the strange structure that grew in the dishrack. It wasn't a revelation or a life-changing feeling, but I did come out of it with a better attitude than when I went into it.
I'll continue to do this with the dishes, and see if I can apply it to other chores. Thanks to all who posted...
Then the forum's purpose has been thoroughly fulfilled. Good job!