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How do become comfortable being alone?
I have always been In a long term committed relationship.
I am newly single and I am finding it very hard to remain positive about the situation. I'm not a big fan of dating/ bars.
I know I find comfort in having that one person to confide in, share my life with,and love with all that I have in me.
how does one become that comfortable just being alone?:-/
I am newly single and I am finding it very hard to remain positive about the situation. I'm not a big fan of dating/ bars.
I know I find comfort in having that one person to confide in, share my life with,and love with all that I have in me.
how does one become that comfortable just being alone?:-/
0
Comments
If you get into a relationship in the near future, that's fine, don't worry about it if you do or you don't. But if you remain single then you have this rare opportunity to get to know yourself. Use this time you have as a wonderful opportunity to bond with yourself and spend time by yourself.
Instead of confiding in someone else, start listening to yourself. Instead of loving others, learn to love yourself. I have noticed in my own experience that there is a direct correlation between how accepting I am of myself and how much I don't "need" other people. When I am really happy with myself, perceived faults and all, then if other people are around, fine, if I am alone, even better!
Do you meditate? If not, maybe now is an excellent time to start. I highly recommend Metta (loving-kindness) meditation if you are not practicing it already. Here are some resources about Metta meditation by Bhante Sujato (who has practiced Metta meditation for many years):
Breathing and Metta Meditation
Metta Meditation
The Practice of Metta
With Metta,
Guy
This sounds to me like grief over the old relationship. When we find ourselves alone after the death of a relationship, we often go into these kinds of thoughts. "Where could I find another" and "I enjoyed sharing with this person" "I don't think there is another" and so forth.
I suggest sitting in front of a mirror, just looking at yourself (an actual mirror or through contemplation.) It might be tough at first because you'll have to see the single 'flower_child' just as you really are, but soon you'll begin to see who you are more directly than you ever could in a relationship. The more you know yourself, the better you'll be at attracting the person, and attracting the right type of person.
If you have extra trouble knowing who you are outside of a relationship, then you might look into co-dependence. Sometimes people have difficulty relating to themselves outside a relationship, as they look toward the union to define their qualities. I don't hear direct evidence of this in your words, but its something to keep in mind if you find yourself struggling to know what your likes and dislikes are.
With warmth,
Matt
That question is strongly related to "How does one become comfortable with themselves?"
Yes ... Pema Chodron as a reference for learning these skills. Definitely.
So when you are aware that you are uncomfortable with yourself, stay with the feeling ... don't distract yourself, don't rush on by, don't suppress. It is OKAY to feel uncomfortable, to feel unfilled yearnings. This is all part of being alive.
And when you are aware that you are alone, stop your thoughts and feel the stillness and the sense of BEing. Remind yourself of what a marvel it is just to BE, to exist, to have consciousness.
In a lighter vein, you are your own best company. You will always listen and never interrupt. You will always laugh at your own jokes. You will never scream at yourself for leaving your socks in the middle of the bedroom floor. Enjoy yourself.
Try to take some times to be with a friend who is supportive but even in that relationship use the missing closeness you feel as a chance to contact discomfort. You will desensitize which is a poor way to express that (from psychology) I feel. It is more like deconditioning. You see that you can just not have that closeness and the world goes on turning. It and you still have basic sanity and goodness.
Another huge resource for me is www.dailystrength.com, a website where you can join online "support groups," the one for codependency is very active, and there are some very wise folks over there.
Good luck to you, and please feel free to pm me anytime with any of your concerns.
You're already with that person. There is one person who will never leave you and will indeed be there till "death do us part". That person is you. Be your best friend; get rid of guilty feelings and doubts about yourself and you'll be happy.
I've had a long, very close relationship that ended a few months ago, but I can't say that I was happier then compared to now or the other way around. It's just different. Different happyness, different suffering. I can say I handled it quite well and actually learned a lot.
I figured out, if you love yourself, it means a lot more when you say "I love you" to somebody else. And needing somebody to be happy means you actually need them to cover up problems you have with yourself. When I was in a relation I never lost sight of that, so the breakup was not that hard to be honest.
I know you can do this too. As I said: Become your best friend is the key.
I hope this helps you.
Good luck, you'lll be fine.
Now, almost 13 years later I have come to a point in my life where I realize what is missing and why these relationships had failed to make me "happy"... I had not learned that I am the source of my happiness... expecting others to be that source only creates unfair expectations that are almost impossible for anyone to live up to... This leads to unhappiness that seems to have no end...
My advice for you is to take this opportunity, learn to love yourself and rely on yourself as your source of happiness so that you can enter relationships without the need to apply the expectation that another will make you happy...
I found this thread, its short but you might find something useful in it:
http://newbuddhist.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4501
(Being Single)
Take care my friend...