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Clarity Loss
Hi All,
I've been practicing meditation and "studying" Buddhism for about six months now and I find that when I really contemplate the concepts of Buddhism, I truly feel the "truth" and "wisdom" behind it. Meditation has also done wonders for my perspective and insight, my mood and anxiety, etc. When I meditate I instinctually see the truth in the Buddha's teachings.
Here's the struggle I have. When I am not contemplating the four noble truths or the eightfold path, when I am not reading about it and when I am not meditating I seem to fall back into my old habits and thought patterns. I seem to start disbelieving Buddhism and living as though everything I have learned is gone. I doubt and I doubt heavily. This is when I'm going through daily life, i.e work, family, etc. Then when I take the time to sit and become aware, I feel the peace and beauty that come with meditation and contemplation of our existence in relation to the Buddhas teachings.
I guess what I'm saying is that I am finding it really difficult to bring that into my day to day living. I can say that it has improved a little but not nearly as much as my meditation or understanding of the teachings has. I feel like I'm doing something wrong because I don't have the confidence/faith/belief whatever you want to call it when I don't consciously look for it.
What is most difficult is that the clarity and mindfulness I have during meditation/contemplation is so wonderful that when it leaves due to daily life I feel so frustrated, angry and depressed. It's like what I'd imagine coming down off of a drug induced euphoria would feel like.
Has anyone gone through this and/or can anyone maybe help a little?
I've been practicing meditation and "studying" Buddhism for about six months now and I find that when I really contemplate the concepts of Buddhism, I truly feel the "truth" and "wisdom" behind it. Meditation has also done wonders for my perspective and insight, my mood and anxiety, etc. When I meditate I instinctually see the truth in the Buddha's teachings.
Here's the struggle I have. When I am not contemplating the four noble truths or the eightfold path, when I am not reading about it and when I am not meditating I seem to fall back into my old habits and thought patterns. I seem to start disbelieving Buddhism and living as though everything I have learned is gone. I doubt and I doubt heavily. This is when I'm going through daily life, i.e work, family, etc. Then when I take the time to sit and become aware, I feel the peace and beauty that come with meditation and contemplation of our existence in relation to the Buddhas teachings.
I guess what I'm saying is that I am finding it really difficult to bring that into my day to day living. I can say that it has improved a little but not nearly as much as my meditation or understanding of the teachings has. I feel like I'm doing something wrong because I don't have the confidence/faith/belief whatever you want to call it when I don't consciously look for it.
What is most difficult is that the clarity and mindfulness I have during meditation/contemplation is so wonderful that when it leaves due to daily life I feel so frustrated, angry and depressed. It's like what I'd imagine coming down off of a drug induced euphoria would feel like.
Has anyone gone through this and/or can anyone maybe help a little?
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Comments
I see this as an amazing progress. Good job!!
Monkey mind will not abandon it's security blankets without a fight.
Just see it for what it is "pointless mind chatter" and try to snap out of it and be mindful with whatever you are currently doing.
Every moments of your life is a meditation session
hope this help
My advice is to just try and keep a consistent meditation practice and try not to get discouraged by reminding yourself that you're still new to the practice. With some more experience, you might start to notice things that'll help you integrate your practice into you daily life more easily, and hopeful the highs and lows will even out.
I know exactly what you mean. It's hard to go from reading something that sounds great on a book about Buddhism, to actually LIVING it. As a newcomer to Buddhism, I have found that I go through the same things as you.
I try to be patient and keep on learning and doing my best to apply the teachings to daily life. It can be done, but it's not easy.
Jgarsman,
Yes, this happens a lot for people. First, thats why they call it a practice... it does take practice.
Ultimately, we do wish to bring the mindfulness we experience on the cushion with us when we leave. That you fall away is completely normal.
There are a few things you can do to help improve more quickly than meditation alone. The first is to get a little notebook, and decide what you want to work on, like "anger." Then as you go about your day, just make a note of the times when you get angry. Just mark the time and a little reminder of what triggered it. Then, when you're outside the situation, maybe later that night when you have some time to sit, pull out the book and just look over the daily notes. Don't try to do anything with them, just notice.
What this can do is help you bring mindfulness of your emotions, which will bring you much, much closer to wielding your feelings skillfully. As you begin to link your cushion time to the anger, you might notice you have a tremendous strength of mind after even just a week of this!
Then you can move on to saying something like "whoa, I'm feeling anger again, that is so weird! I wonder what the pain is or the fear that the anger is hiding" or whatever. But first you have to build up the mind-muscle
Good luck,
Matt
easier.
nuh uh