Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Socializing
Fenix
Veteran
No one will talk to me, why? Everyone thinks Im just really boring. When I call someone or talk on internet, people just act like they hate me. 
The only thing I try to do is be nice, man. Why is this so :S Everyone I know all party and drink and shit, but I dont. Should I start drinking also and stuff (Probably not).
The more I seem to try to be friends the more people percieve me as lame. Then if I dont do anything then I hear that, "why arent yyou doing anything?", "You havent been anywhere?". I wish some people would like me and I had friends.
I realize that complaining on the internet is not a very helpful action towards getting friends, but what can I do : (
The only thing I try to do is be nice, man. Why is this so :S Everyone I know all party and drink and shit, but I dont. Should I start drinking also and stuff (Probably not).The more I seem to try to be friends the more people percieve me as lame. Then if I dont do anything then I hear that, "why arent yyou doing anything?", "You havent been anywhere?". I wish some people would like me and I had friends.
I realize that complaining on the internet is not a very helpful action towards getting friends, but what can I do : (
0
Comments
Do you lke people? Do you find socilized situations are pleasant to you?
I have to confess I like more nerdy thigns than socializing ... ;D
Kind regards
Gary
I find it's much better (and easier) to just develop your own interests and be yourself. The more comfortable you are within your own skin, the happier you are with yourself as a person, the more others will be attracted to you. Trying to force that attraction will usually guarantee failure.
It requires you to have a heart for such things, of course
If so, it can be frustrating sometimes. Introverts like conversation, but they tend to think more before they speak, and therefore respond more slowly. For an extrovert, happily babbling away, the introvert can appear reserved and dull.
Extroverts often enjoy the pace and energy of the conversation more than the subject matter, and readily change the subject right when the introvert was ready to respond!
Extroverts enjoy background noise and visual stimulus when they are conversing, while introverts find it distracting. If you're conversing with someone and their eyes start to scan the environment, they might need more stimulus. You can try changing the pace, volume or pitch of your voice.
You are interesting and people want to talk to you. Don't worry about it.
I'll talk to you.
Or, maybe try and join a Buddhist group or something.
Either way, don't let it get you down, you seem like a very cool person, and besides, you can talk to us
read fyodor dostoyevsky
ride a bike!!!
practice drawing
This is very true, good observation.
I am definitely more introverted than extroverted and I experience what you described all the time. There will be a group of people having a lively conversation about topic A and I will start thinking about topic A, then the conversation moves to topic B right when I have something to contribute to topic A. This is one reason why I like internet forums since you can actually think a bit more about your responses and even edit them.
Yes, you can consider us your "co-sufferers".
For me, meditation and buddhist study has helped me tremendously in getting out of my head, which is the main source of that feeling of disconnection and loneliness. After meditating I feel like a real person again, living in my body and able to connect with people in a caring and kind way.
Lots of people here have talked about going out and joining a group of some kind - that's a great idea. It may be uncomfortable or intimidating to make that first step, but pushing yourself is what makes you grow. You'll be so glad when it works out!
Last, when it comes to the actual socializing, my only advice is to be aware and conscious of the interaction and to sort of modulate your behavior accordingly. If they look bored, maybe change the subject. If they don't laugh at your jokes, cool back and try a different approach.
I hope this helps, nobody should have to suffer the pain of real isolation. Best of luck to you!! And please don't start drinking just to get out, it won't help at all in the long run.
If you are showing compassion and love towards these people, yet they are still horrid towards you and unfriendly, then maybe you are better of without them in your life! If they are causing you anger and suffering, then your mind will suffer, and Buddha said...
"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger"
So If theres people are causing you the slightest bit fo anger and pain, cut of the branch that is infecting the tree.
Hope this helped...and if not...I'm sorry.
With love
Richard
But if you have no one in your life, besides maybe a couple of not-so-nice-always types, then it will be almost impossible to rid oneself of them. Everyone needs someone to be with, and humans will (like many other animals) accept quite a lot of punishment, and if they have the option of being a) alone or b) mocked the "mocked" part will win.
Therefore the best solution would be to get new acquaintances first, and then eventually get rid of the not-so-nice ones. While mocking hurts, isolation kills
This is a great theory. I, too, am an introvert. Everybody thinks I'm "nice", but nobody wants to be friends. I don't think anything is necessarily wrong with me; I just relate to people in a different manner that many people don't jive with. I'm doing an archaeology field school this summer and hoping I can make some friends there, since we obviously have at least one interest in common. I guess that goes along with the "join a club" theory. Online forums are also a great way to meet people, even if you never meet somebody face-to-face. I write much better than I speak, and I think that helps.
Sometimes, it's all in our own heads. I remember when I was in high school and college and was very shy. (I had what probably would be termed "social anxiety disorder" these days.) I was hugely self-conscious, and in social situations always wondered what others were thinking of me. Getting over this meant realizing that much of my distress was in my own head. I interpreted any blank stare, nervous laugh, sigh, snarky comment, etc. as a sign that people thought I was boring, stupid, unlikable, etc. The truth was, no one really was bothered all that much about me. Those blank stare were often just the other person being tired or nervous. The snarky comments were often just an attempt to engage me in conversation. I was being hypersensitive and was completely self-absorbed. I hear the word for "shyness" in a certain Chinese dialect is the same word they use for "selfish." In Japan, there is a word "jiko-shushin" which means having the self at the center of the heart (self-centered).
I say this not as an admonishment (e.g., "Stop being so selfish!"), but rather a reminder that when we're shy, we're focused so much on ourselves that we forget to notice that other people make social gaffes too, not everyone enjoys the same activities, not everyone gets along with everyone else no matter how nice they are (friendship needs more than social niceties to thrive, after all), etc.