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loneliness
So I feel like many of my friends are not as self-aware as I am -I don't know if this is fair to say- if I am able to judge that- but I guess I mean that they are more interested in material items and gaining societal status than I am. I have not yet found friends who have similar viewpoints as me.
I try to practice my compassion when my friends continue to gossip or shop for expensive items that they believe will bring them happiness- however I find myself becoming lonely. I feel so blessed that I have reached a way of thinking that has allowed me to become satisfied with who I am and my viewpoint on the world, but I also feel that it makes me lonely since I haven't found others who think this way (besides this forum).
This could all be good- I haven't been attached to any particular friendship- I really have just been working on myself. But I was wondering if anyone has any advice or has had a similar experience in having to balance non-attachment/differences from others yet using compassion with loneliness?
Thank you very much!
I try to practice my compassion when my friends continue to gossip or shop for expensive items that they believe will bring them happiness- however I find myself becoming lonely. I feel so blessed that I have reached a way of thinking that has allowed me to become satisfied with who I am and my viewpoint on the world, but I also feel that it makes me lonely since I haven't found others who think this way (besides this forum).
This could all be good- I haven't been attached to any particular friendship- I really have just been working on myself. But I was wondering if anyone has any advice or has had a similar experience in having to balance non-attachment/differences from others yet using compassion with loneliness?
Thank you very much!
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Comments
There are two different angles to this problem, and I must admit I ran into the same issue. The first is that being lonely is ok, its natural to feel a bit of solitude when you are in a much different place than the people around you. Its like being in a crowd of people who don't speak in a language that is compatible, and they are watching a game you aren't interested in. At least it was for me.
So just notice that loneliness. Well, hello there! Its just another feeling, kind of like boredom or drowsiness in meditation. Notice and keep observing. Eventually, the feeling passes and you can be much more compassionate in the moment with others. What you do is dissolve the part of "you" that is viewing itself as separate from them, and you can appreciate where they are at more fully. Does that make sense?
The other side of it is that having friends who share a similar view to your own could be wonderful to cultivate.
As you're cultivating more mindfulness, you're bound to be bound to old hangouts, old friends and old patterns. Be courageous enough to outgrow them... your roots will thank you.
With warmth,
Matt
Very true.
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I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes it does feel lonely out here, especially if you live somewhere that you're the only Buddhist for miles in any direction (or so it seems). But even other Buddhists don't always get along well with each other. We're all just people after all. I'm sure I do things that would drive other dharma practitioners nuts
Peace
Mtns
It can be tempting for people who are well-read or interested in philosophy to begin to feel isolated or above their peers. I felt that sort of tug when I began devouring books back in high school, but I thankfully kept myself pretty well grounded and down-to-earth. Hard labor and 6-day work weeks helped with that, since all my witticisms and historical knowledge went out the window when a wall needed to be painted.
I know the lonlieness feeling though. I've struggled with it before despite many friends. Especially after breaking up with my ex. I tend to be pretty different from most of my good friends. I avoid the drinking, the drugs, consumerism, and the fast life in general. Nothing really morally against it, but I've always been too cheap to bother with such things.
I say the more friends the merrier personally. Just enjoy your friends for the good company that they are, and forget the fact that you have differences in attitudes towards life and living. It works pretty well for me.
Cheers, Thomas
thoroughly enjoyed on many an occasion, is back again in your
town. The news of his arrival has spread far and wide, and eager
crowds are now making for the large hall where he is due to perform
today. You too buy a ticket and manage to enter the hall. There is
already a scramble for seats, but you are not keen on securing one,
for you have entered with a different purpose in mind. You have had
a bright idea to outwit the magician -- to play a trick on him
yourself. So you cut your way through the thronging crowds and
stealthily creep into some concealed corner of the stage.
The magician enters the stage through the dark curtains, clad in
his pitchy black suit. Black boxes containing his secret stock-in-
trade are also now on the stage. The performance starts and from
your point of vantage you watch. And as you watch with sharp eyes
every movement of the magician, you now begin to discover, one
after the other, the secrets behind those 'breath taking' miracles of
your favourite magician. The hidden holes and false bottoms in his
magic boxes, the counterfeits and secret pockets, the hidden strings
and buttons that are pulled and pressed under the cover of the frantic
waving of his magic-wand. Very soon you see through his bag of
wily tricks so well, that you are able to discover his next 'surprise'
well in advance. Since you can now anticipate his 'surprises' they no
longer surprise you. His 'tricks' no longer deceive you. His 'magic'
has lost its magic for you. It no longer kindles your imagination as it
used to do in the past. The magician's 'hocus-pocus' and
'abracadabra' and his magic-wand now suggest nothing to you -- for
you know them now for what they are, that is : 'meaningless'. The
whole affair has now turned out to be an empty-show, one vast hoax
---- a treachery.
In utter disgust, you turn away from it to take a peep at the
audience below. And what a sight ! A sea of craned necks - eyes
that gaze in blind admiration; mouths that gape in dumb
appreciation; the 'Ah!'s and 'Oh!'s and whistles of speechless
amazement.
Truly, a strange admixture of tragedy and comedy which you
could have enjoyed instead of the magic-show, if not for the fact that
you yourself were in that same sorry plight on many a previous
occasion. Moved by compassion for this frenzied crowd, you almost
frown on the magician as he chuckles with a sinister grin at every
applause from his admirers. "How is it," you wonder, "that I have
been deceived so long by this crook of a magician ?" You are fed up
with all this and swear to yourself - "Never will I waste my time and
money on such empty shows, Nev-ver."
The show ends. Crowds are now making for the exit. You too slip
out of your hiding place unseen, and mingle with them. Once
outside, you spot a friend of yours whom you know as a keen admirer
of this magician. Not wishing to embarrass him with news of your
unusual experience, you try to avoid him, but you are too late. Soon
you find yourself listening to a vivid commentary on the magic
performance. Your friend is now reliving those moments of the
'bliss-of-ignorance' which he had just been enjoying. But before
long he discovers that you are mild and reserved today, and wonders
how you could be so, after such a marvellous show.
"Why? You were in the same hall all this time, weren't you?”
"Yes, I was."
"Then, were you sleeping?"
"Oh! No."
"You weren't watching closely, I suppose."
"No, no, I was watching it alright, may be I was watching
too closely."
"You say you were watching, but you don't seem to have seen
the show."
"No, I saw it. In fact I saw it so well that I missed the show!”
Thanks a lot