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Response of loved ones.
Upon finding out, my mum suggested, with sharpness in her tone 'buying a tamborine and an orange sheet'. (to which I replied 'om,')
I've had many similar reactions. I try to remain calm and let them express how they feel without a fight. I don't want to be smug and I don't want to selfishly ignore or overlook the worries or thoughts of loved ones, even when they are a little ignorant.
...so how has anybody reading this dealt with negativity and aversion? For so far I have dumbly nodded and taken it, or turned it into a joke.
I've had many similar reactions. I try to remain calm and let them express how they feel without a fight. I don't want to be smug and I don't want to selfishly ignore or overlook the worries or thoughts of loved ones, even when they are a little ignorant.
...so how has anybody reading this dealt with negativity and aversion? For so far I have dumbly nodded and taken it, or turned it into a joke.
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Comments
It's not what you believe [or think], but what you do. (that matters)
Namaste
Wondering how to respond makes sense, it can be difficult to see a path of compassion and insight when you are experiencing a feeling of mocking or misunderstood intent.
It does sound like love being sent your way, in one form or another. With those close to you, consider silently taking their hand and just be with them. They aren't really "a little ignorant"... that's your label. They're acting unskillfully with their emotions in the moment, perhaps... but don't begin to consider them solidly anything... that won't help either of you.
You've had many reactions such as this? Do you waltz around in your new robes to affirm your beliefs to others?
Being a skillful Buddhist is not about being smug, or ignoring, but doing what is best in the moment. In a case of negativity, I would (and have) said "I would rather you spoke to me respectfully" or something along that line. Its fine to assert the kind of communication you'd like to have, it might naturally calm the "instigator." Just nodding or playing it off as a joke does little to help either of you. You might develop a little equanimity in the process, but if you can lovingly assert your side of things, it could help both of you strengthen your compassion toward others.
With warmth,
Matt
I contacted an old friend on facebook who I know has been in a similar place in their life, who grew up in a Buddhist family, to ask for advice. I didn't think much of it at the time, simply said "Buddha wasn't wrong." knowing she'd know what I meant. A little thread started between a few friends and I was asked directly if I was 'converting', to which I said no, just learning from and embracing. I got a call from my mum and a few others after anyhow. I live with my brother, who walked in on me attempting and seemed upset by this.
aMatt
What a wonderful analogy! I can honestly say I have not been waltzing in my robes, (not just because I have none). I think that one will stay with me. Thank you!
Hehe I tell my mum I love her all the time, because I do.
Attempting?
I meant meditating. Slip up there.
Have you asked them what they think Buddhism is about?
*facepalm*...
Everyone knows I'm a Buddhist because it would be impossible to keep secret.
Just be who you are and practice to the best of your ability and people will come to understand you through your actions and how you carry yourself.
In this case, I would not talk about being a Buddhist or practicing Buddhism at all, unless asked. And even when asked, give short, strictly-to-the-point answers, using plain English words only. That's what I actually do.
Really, practically speaking, it doesn't matter at all whether I believe in rebirth, karma, non-self etc or meditate, or am vegan...That matters no more than what soccer team I support or which band I'm a fan of. What practically matters is how I relate to myself and to the world. If my spiritual path affects positevely that relationship to myself and the world, people will notice that and will respond with some amount of appreciation, if not respect. Declaring myself a Buddhist does nothing in itself but surprise or confuse people.
If the message from others is "you're full of crap", that is a very valuable indication to me. They're essentially telling me that my "spirituality" is so far a matter of fantasies and is limited to my imagination; it hasn't made any real difference in my personality. Derision from others is a message that I should practice better or harder. For if I truly achieve a milestone along the Buddhist path, there is no way others will not sense that. Buddha is all and all is Buddha (did I say that right?) so if I get closer to the Buddha, I get closer to the others and others will be moved by that at the most fundamental level.
I think that talking about Buddhism and practicing Buddhism is much like knowing the theory of Karate versus being an experienced Karate fighter on a battle field. In the latter case I can say whatever nonsense and that won't matter one bit as long as I kick and dodge right. In the former case I'll be beaten regardless of what I say...because the game is not about what I say.
As far as the "buying an orange sheet" comment goes, I'd help the other laugh at me by making a comical statement along the same lines, such as "Yeah, and I'll shave my head and walk around town barefoot with a bowl for alms". And follow Patbb's "I love you" comment suggestion. Laughing at oneself is one of the best medicines out there.
Maybe it's a different saying/expression that you're going for.....maybe if you explain what you 'mean' by it?
Namaste
Your face must be getting sore by now, what with all the striking that's been happening to it.
cnairne,
Hmmm, from your other postings about your surroundings... I take it your family is a more fundamentally religious? Like Catholic? Lutheran? It sounds like you've been seeing some intolerance, which might be bred of their fears for you. It might continue to make them uncomfortable if you flaunt your learning about Buddhism, so I'd take some of the expert advice you've been offered around here... stay silent unless asked.
If asked, be simple, work to stay balanced, and don't let their fears pull you in... above all stay respectful. Humor really depends on the audience, sometimes humor can lead to more fears, as though you are being "inappropriately blasé with your soul" or some such thing.
With warmth,
Matt
Well, like I said I wasn't sure about the phrasing
However, the notion that every being has inherent and universal goodness in them that is concealed/unrealized does sound very Buddhist to me. Doesn't that agree with the Mahayana doctrine of Buddha-nature?
So what I meant was that if I get closer to that goodness within myself, I'll inevitably understand others better and be more compassionate to them. That is so because I'll also see the same goodness in them. So others will somehow respond positively.
Here's a quote from a Lama I found on wikipedia (see the Buddha nature article):
There was a quote by dalai lama saying something like: "This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples or complicated philosophy... Our own hearts and minds are our temples, the philosophy is kindness."
About your mom, or any condescending people, just brush them off, and continue loving. They are giving you negativity, you don't have to accept, let it roll off your back. Deal with the assertively if they are getting to be a true problem, but still with love and compassion (you can kill someone with compassion imo, if that person is becoming an enormous burden to the planet)