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Problems
NomaDBuddha
Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
Yeah, it will seem that I need help again. I'm getting a little paranoid these days, in the way that I see problems everywhere I go.
First of all, yesterday started all this story. School was practically over, I went there just to write my good and bad(my grades are above average) grades in my ...report,or how do you call it (in Romania is not a report like in USA or England, there are some lil' notesblock where are written your grades, and the media between these grades ...well it's hard to explain). Then, after school , I had to go with some class mates to buy a present for a friend, and some of the classmates who were supposed to be there and buy the present weren't there. The thing is, that we, Romanians, don't like to spend money by ourselves, and me and my class-mates , gathered money from the whole group. Now, because some of the guys were missing, I just got a little angry (there was no hatred) and started to call one of those who didn't come. The poor guy didn't know how to react,to come with me and put some money to buy that present or to stay at home, but finally he agreed to come, and called another guy who was also missing. We finally managed to buy the present and so on.
After we bought the present I reminded them of an agreement: I said that I will give 15 RON ( Romanian currency) , even if I had 20 RON. After I bought the present , I reminded that they, my friends, should give me back 5 RON. That friend wanted to give them to me, but I refused. In my plans those 5 RON were needed to pay my commute(it's actually 3 RON, but just to save some money).
After we left the mall( the place where we bought the present) we split, and my friends went home, and I went on foot to my grandma's house(which is in Bucharest), roughly three kilometers away from that mall.
On the road, I saw poor people, peasants who were selling vegetables at the corner of the street ( it's a common thing that you can see in the marginal neighbourhoods of Bucharest), and , at the corner of a shop, I passed by a beggar, who was a woman burnt all over her face and forearms. In that moment, I had the intention to give her some money, but I remembered that I barely had money for my commute( I always keep spare money in case of an emergency), and I remembered that beggars, even crippled ones, are employees in a dirty business. That business is based on sending people in the street to beg, and , at the end of the day, some gypsies driving brand new 4X4 vehicles would come to collect the money gathered by the beggars.
My reaction was to pass by that woman without giving her money (most beggars who are not in "the business" tend to buy cigarettes and alcohol instead of bread and salami).
Another problem is that I feel more secure, and...I can do things perfectly when I think I am someone else. I tend to visualise myself as another person. When I do that, I just do great at anything people, or situations demand me to do.
Anyone willing to help ?
(P.S.: I'm really sorry if you don't understand something, but right now, it's 23:21 in Romania, and I had a busy day, and I'm more than half asleep. So just tell me what you don't understand and I'll try to shorten or to exlain in detail).
First of all, yesterday started all this story. School was practically over, I went there just to write my good and bad(my grades are above average) grades in my ...report,or how do you call it (in Romania is not a report like in USA or England, there are some lil' notesblock where are written your grades, and the media between these grades ...well it's hard to explain). Then, after school , I had to go with some class mates to buy a present for a friend, and some of the classmates who were supposed to be there and buy the present weren't there. The thing is, that we, Romanians, don't like to spend money by ourselves, and me and my class-mates , gathered money from the whole group. Now, because some of the guys were missing, I just got a little angry (there was no hatred) and started to call one of those who didn't come. The poor guy didn't know how to react,to come with me and put some money to buy that present or to stay at home, but finally he agreed to come, and called another guy who was also missing. We finally managed to buy the present and so on.
After we bought the present I reminded them of an agreement: I said that I will give 15 RON ( Romanian currency) , even if I had 20 RON. After I bought the present , I reminded that they, my friends, should give me back 5 RON. That friend wanted to give them to me, but I refused. In my plans those 5 RON were needed to pay my commute(it's actually 3 RON, but just to save some money).
After we left the mall( the place where we bought the present) we split, and my friends went home, and I went on foot to my grandma's house(which is in Bucharest), roughly three kilometers away from that mall.
On the road, I saw poor people, peasants who were selling vegetables at the corner of the street ( it's a common thing that you can see in the marginal neighbourhoods of Bucharest), and , at the corner of a shop, I passed by a beggar, who was a woman burnt all over her face and forearms. In that moment, I had the intention to give her some money, but I remembered that I barely had money for my commute( I always keep spare money in case of an emergency), and I remembered that beggars, even crippled ones, are employees in a dirty business. That business is based on sending people in the street to beg, and , at the end of the day, some gypsies driving brand new 4X4 vehicles would come to collect the money gathered by the beggars.
My reaction was to pass by that woman without giving her money (most beggars who are not in "the business" tend to buy cigarettes and alcohol instead of bread and salami).
Another problem is that I feel more secure, and...I can do things perfectly when I think I am someone else. I tend to visualise myself as another person. When I do that, I just do great at anything people, or situations demand me to do.
Anyone willing to help ?
(P.S.: I'm really sorry if you don't understand something, but right now, it's 23:21 in Romania, and I had a busy day, and I'm more than half asleep. So just tell me what you don't understand and I'll try to shorten or to exlain in detail).
0
Comments
Namaste
Buy some bread and salami and give that to them instead then? That's what my family's always done... although I personally don't mind giving a few bucks to someone in need. If they choose to spend it on cigarettes, who am I to judge... they live a hard life and I'd probably want a cigarette too.
But not the beggars are my problem. The problem is, that I found myself with one leg on one side, and the other leg on the other side of a raveen, or canyon, if you get what I'm saying. The problem is, that I think I behaved badly, and seeing that beggar made me wonder how many unknown flaws will come up in my visual area.
Beggars don't really accept bread and salami from your hand. I've seen a beggar which refused fresh bread, barely taken out of the oven, and some slices of salami, and wanted some money. Not to mention that most of them will throw slur and insults back at you if you give them less than 1 RON.
The entire situation is sad, but we can only do so much, and we can not blame ourselves for the poor choices of others. If they won't accept what help we are willing/able to provide, then they have such consequences to deal with.
Namaste
In that case, tough shit for them.
Or, what Javelin said. :P
But the thing is, that the beggar woman opened my eyes in time, to realize some of my inner and unknown flaws I have...
in this case, perhaps try to find someone else to be generous with.
Like someone who is just out of his luck, or a young person who ran away from an abusive home...
Maybe it is too hard to find tho..
It may be a bit harder to find but sometimes we can just tell who really need help just by looking at them...
You pause by them, and ask them the question:
"If I bring you some food and drink, would you accept it?"
(1) If they say no, and ask for money, just say, "I see ok. Thank you." and leave.
(2) If they say yes, buy them what you are in a position to afford.
(3) If they swear and cuss at you, repeat point one.
You cannot decide for them, what they do with your gift. But you can be selective about the wisdom or folly of giving.
Nice. :rolleyes:
And second, I've written above about my "self/ego" problem that bothers me...and I don't know what to do about it.
metta
"Another problem is that I feel more secure, and...I can do things perfectly when I think I am someone else. I tend to visualise myself as another person. When I do that, I just do great at anything people, or situations demand me to do."
Is what I have copied above what you are referring to? If so, I myself don't see a problem with visualizing yourself as a person who does those generous things you are referring to. You seem to understand that it is in fact a visualization, and don't seem to have a problem with mental confusion about your identity. So why not? If visualizing yourself as a generous person helps you act with skillful generosity, and you know that it's an identity to be aspired to and that eventually you can take those positive attributes into your own identity, then I see no problem.
No...that's a separate thing...the alternation.
I was reffering to the fact that I usually tend to be and mentally consider that I am another person. While I do that, everything around me seems so simple and some problems seem too easy to solve.
The problem is, that I, still mentally, tend to "take the shape" of that person. This thing became a problem when I asked myself "Why am I doing this?". Meditating and analysing myself, I came up with the conclusion that, in different situations, I tend to perform better when I think I'm that person than when I am myself.
Still, unless this mental "taking the shape" of that "better performing" person is somehow a manifestation of a mental illness and therefore distressing to you or something that could get out of control and cause harm to you-
what's wrong with living "as if" you are that other person? Live within the attributes of that other person, and perform better, and gradually "take on" the attributes of the other person until they become "your own".
That is, unless this is some kind of extreme psychological disorder that would cause harm. In Tantric Buddhism, with the proper training and initiations and so forth, the practitioner is instructed to imagine themselves as Tara or Medicine Buddha or Avalokiteshvara, in order to take on their attributes. If you know who you are in the everyday world, and can still perform the everyday duties of the person you were born as, such as properly respecting your mother and going to school or going to your job and so forth, what's wrong with experiencing life "as though" you were that person that performs better?
Totally. It's very upsetting to hear people say things like "why should I just give them money for alcohol?" - Will they buy cigarettes or booze? Maybe. But what if they don't? What if they bought a sandwich instead? That chance is worth taking.
Listen here. It's not worth taking a chance, especially in a country where begging is like a job. I know that even if some beggars are really honest beggars, some one else may take profit from them. But in most cases beggars will go to spend their money on booze and cigarettes and this is a thing that pisses me off. I don't even want to see, hear, or even think that my money , given to any beggar , will be spent on booze.