Choices with no win/win sitaution?

kc39850p

Hi, I've been trying to analyze everything I do no matter how small, but I've come a a situation that I'm sure will come up again, and am feeling mixed about it.

I've moved, and my new neighbors lawn is connected to my own, and being elderly I offered to do theirs too, but they have a man come and do it. The thing is, it's not this mans career, it's a side job this local guy does to save money. The problem is though that I now know this guy and he's doing it to get extra money and has 2 kids and only an average job. Also, they paid him for the month, but when I offered they said after the month is up then it would be fine if I wanted to do them.

So, on the one hand, I'm not getting payed or anything, just was going to do it for both of us really, they wouldn't have to do it themselves, and I'd be doing for others, thus making me feel like I earned my meals (I oft ask myself if I deserve to eat and since I live in what is essentially a ghost town during the week, I often do little for others, and find myself feeling like I haven't earned the food I'm eating).

So, should I do them to help the people living there, or not bring it up again and let the other guy get paid for it? it seems like either way I financially help someone and hurt the other.

I guess what I'm asking is, how do others handle situations where there is not possible win-win?

patbb

Well it seems as if your neighbors can afford it (they are paying someone instead of doing it themselves), so saving them money doesn't seem to be a big part of this equation.

The option where you do not get the job:
- you do not take something away from someone who need it. = so they win
- you will feel good knowing you did something generous for someone else. = you win
- you can use the time you would have spent cutting the grass to help somebody else = another you win + these other people you help win!

so this seem to be a win-win-win-win situation

Glow

Personally, unless you've had a talk with the other guy and made sure he'd be okay with you potentially taking from him a source of income, I'd let him keep on doing it.

SherabDorje

Glow wrote: »

Personally, unless you've had a talk with the other guy and made sure he'd be okay with you potentially taking from him a source of income, I'd let him keep on doing it.

Seconded.

NamelessRiver

I guess what I'm asking is, how do others handle situations where there is not possible win-win?

You roll with the punches.

I've been trying to analyze everything I do no matter how small

In my opinion, this is the problem; not the lawn situation.

Cristina

Yeah I agree with NamelessRiver. Relax and don't worry about it so much. It's wonderful to want to do the right thing, but that right intention does not need to mean trying too hard and driving yourself nuts! It's okay to make mistakes. Just remember to be kind, gentle, and to not do harm. This includes yourself--very important and sometimes easy to forget. Asking yourself if you "deserve" to eat seems cruel and unnecessary. Would you ask the same of someone else? Be healthy, be happy, be at peace.

kc39850p

I should clarify I'm not stressed out over my analyzing, it's just something I'm doing to become more self aware of the things I do and my reasons for doing them. I'm only annoyed because I already offered and feel like I made a mistake by doing it without thinking about this first.

Also, the neighbors don't have a lot of money, just elderly and would probably do it themselves if they were younger.

Otherwise, everything patbb and those who agreed are true. It's still a matter of money for both though and neither is rolling in money or anything. Also, though it's sad to admit, that time of mine would not be better used helping someone else, I live in what is pretty much a ghost town during the week, and I literally have nothing to do for anyone, I wish I did but going up to a neighbor and asking if they need anything done, though would be okay with me, seems kind of awkward.