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I need some guidance please..
I am struggling slightly lately, I really do believe in buddhism. I am still at the very beginning of my long journey. I am enjoying it very much so far. I just have a few questions.
- Why do people view buddhists as pretentious? I seem to be running into this view. I also find that people find my views as weird or outlandish.
-I am struggling with the urge to tell people who are rude to me to treat me better. I know I shouldn't, but I work in a Spar shop and i get a lot of rude customers who treat me as an idiot or are simply rude. I am studying for a Masters Degree in Mechanical Engineering, and just because I work in a shop regularly people think It is all I do; because of my very limited role in their lives they treat me like I couldn't tie my own shoes. I encounter this quite a lot in my life and I don't seem to receive any respect no matter what I do. I am aware that it sounds quite vain but Im not expecting them to look up to me, It just seems that no matter how much "right speech" or how many "right actions" I perform in my life I see very little in response to it. So my question is (in a non-rambling way :P ) Should I simply let go of this feeling?
I feel I know the answer..
The third question is..
Does anyone know how easy it is to get one of these books.. is it simply a case of ringing them up?
http://www.bdkamerica.org/default.aspx?MPID=53
- Why do people view buddhists as pretentious? I seem to be running into this view. I also find that people find my views as weird or outlandish.
-I am struggling with the urge to tell people who are rude to me to treat me better. I know I shouldn't, but I work in a Spar shop and i get a lot of rude customers who treat me as an idiot or are simply rude. I am studying for a Masters Degree in Mechanical Engineering, and just because I work in a shop regularly people think It is all I do; because of my very limited role in their lives they treat me like I couldn't tie my own shoes. I encounter this quite a lot in my life and I don't seem to receive any respect no matter what I do. I am aware that it sounds quite vain but Im not expecting them to look up to me, It just seems that no matter how much "right speech" or how many "right actions" I perform in my life I see very little in response to it. So my question is (in a non-rambling way :P ) Should I simply let go of this feeling?
I feel I know the answer..
The third question is..
Does anyone know how easy it is to get one of these books.. is it simply a case of ringing them up?
http://www.bdkamerica.org/default.aspx?MPID=53
0
Comments
"right livelihood"
It contains refraining from selling alcohol and intoxicants.. Im really stuck with this. I work in a shop that obviously sells alcohol and cigarettes. Although I very, very rarely drink. I have no problem with selling alcohol, Its a person's choice to drink or not. I have made my choice and I personally know 1 customer who I did refuse to sell alcohol to because he had not long been out of rehab. Hes now a regular and has been clean for 2 years.
I stay within the law and unless i feel there is a real need to intervene I will sell alcohol. Is this a problem for me? It doesn't bring me any unhappiness, in fact if im honest I enjoy my part time job. I meet (some) very nice people, even if the other staff think they smell or are weird looking. It also pays my bills, which keeps me and my long term girlfriend in our little house
1) What are you seeking when you tell people your views on Buddhism?
2) If you do not receive respect, give it to yourself.
3) I have no clue, did not click the link.
I dunno. Can you be readily identified as a Buddhist? If people would not know about your affiliation, then the problem would probably not arise in the first place.
Yes, most definitely. When I was a student I often worked in factories to supplement my income. In a factory, you are not just treated as if you are stupid, but you actually feel stupid, because you do machine-like repetitive work. Don't let it bother you.
Regarding the right livelihood question: change job if you can. Looks like this one isn't so great after all.
Cheers, Thomas
Pretentious? Gosh, I don't know. Maybe they've met some pretentious Buddhists. Or it could have something to do with the fact that we quietly refuse to play by their rules. It's frustrating to encounter someone who doesn't value the same things you do and is therefore more free and peaceful. As far as weird and outlandish...haha, maybe the robes, the statues, the incense, the idea of reincarnation. Who knows.
As for your other question, remember that you are not forbidden to stand up for yourself. But yes, the first step and best thing to do is really to let go. So what if those people think you are stupid? You know that you're not. And your statement about not getting a response to your right speech and right actions shows that you're missing the point. You aren't doing it to get something in return. That's just more of the same. The idea is something new, something genuinely kind hearted and gentle. Look at each person that comes into the shop and treats you rudely as if they have and will suffer a great deal in life. Because they have and will, especially if they are treating you rudely. Never lose sight of someone's basic humanity and worth.
That said, like I started with, you can certainly stick up for yourself. It's a part of self respect and kindness towards self. Don't let people walk all over you, but don't create conflict when it's not going to make anything better. If it's just a matter of letting rude comments from complete strangers roll off your back, that's probably an area to simply make peace with. But use your judgment. And remember, just try your best and don't worry so much about the results as long as you have the right intention.
Two of the three questions were already answered well, but when it comes to pretentious buddhists, I wonder if people are right.
I've noticed that many times as people pick up the teachings, they go around and try to convert people, telling them how they are acting wrongly, how they don't see the true nature of reality. Heck, in other threads on our board we have people who have all their tail feathers furled spend their words telling others how blind they are. Then you also have philosopher-debaters who think that Buddhism is about using the suttas to win debates, and claim to be buddhists because they've read some of the texts.
I think that if one matures in their practice, they cut the crap and become more skillful in how they relate to others. If someone says to you, "Buddhists are pretentious" perhaps you can accept that some are. I myself would say "Hehe, yeah, some certainly seem pretentious... there are a lot of wise and compassionate ones too, though"
With warmth,
Matt
This is of course a very bad attitude towards other humans, but often that's what one experiences working in a store.
Remembering that it is not you personally they want to hurt can make you very resilient. I can not remember one time I've felt bad ofter discussing with a customer - one time a very angry lady even hugged me and said sorry when she eventually cooled down!
If they get really abusive, then you tell them to calm down and remind them that you speak respectfully to them, and you expect them to do the same to you. If that doesn't work, well you're in your right to escort them t o the exit or call the local guards to remove them. If you have a co-worker (or even your manager) near it's also a good idea to get them to come and support you.
Buddhism doesn't mean to put up with any abusive tendencies (not harming any living being means yourself as well as others)
I find that this way of working would be like teaching others to swim when you can barely tread water... I'm still at the very start of my journey as I said before and I think that people who find out I am a new buddhist, be it through seeing what Im reading or simply asking me think that is very strange for a 20 year old male to start studying something that they don't understand.
I used to work in McDonalds to pay for my degree. I got treated just the same as you. Possibly worse, I couldn't say for sure. Sadly, there a many judgmental people out there who like to make themselves feel better, to massage their egos and put someone down. The sad thing is that I still get this in my new line of work (design), in which clients will talk to you as if you have only 2 brain cells. This, I'm afraid to say, is something we have to learn to deal with ourselves.
With regards to pretentious, I have found this also. I usually keep my mouth shut about Buddhism unless asked. But when asked I will then get verbal diarrhea, and go on and on. This isn't because I'm pretentious, but because I love Buddhism so much. But it means I come across as pretentious, zealous and some people have even thought I'm trying to convert them. As with all things, this is a wonderful opportunity to look at myself and learn and grow. These days I try to only give as much information as being asked
Nios.
Yes. Let it go... but remember their faces... and when you are a successful mechanical engineer build a robot army to hunt them all down!!!! Ahhha ahhhahha!! SPARMAGEDDON SHALL BE YOURSE!!!
I certainly think that metaphor works.
I also think that as people develop their compassion, they are moved to help others. However, before they learn to respect other people's suffering, it seems to be an egoic panicy kind of self-need to help free others from their patterns, because seeing people suffering is still painful for them.
If you knew how to tread water, would you try to teach a drowning person?
The problem is that if spoken unskillfully, they might experience it like big rocks being thrown at them.
With warmth,
Matt
In the sense of showing people the (very beginning) of what I discovered within studying buddhism. I think that if people choose to ask me, then I would tell them. I know it sounds awful but I prefer to keep it to myself, im no preacher unfortunatly.
As far as selling alcohol your right it pays the bills. I drink alcohol and I struggle with the amount I consume, keeping it to a healthy amount. People in the animal slaughtering industry (buddhists) have similar problems. My lama said iirc that we are sometimes trapped in samsara (to pay bills) and we have to do things that we know cause some suffering. The thesis here is that it might cause more suffering if you quit your job! Although don't discount moving to a job that you feel better about if this is an available option. She advised the person in animal slaughtering to treat the animals well and to make pranidhanas (skillful wishes) on behalf of the animals to continue dharma practice and help beings. There are a lot of situations like this for example I pay taxes and my president uses the money to bomb other people. Remember that even though there are people selling alcohol there are also people who will try to help these people if they become addicted. For example the buddhist teachings on mindfulness and non-grasping can be helpful. So I think if you keep the right heart it might not be resolved but at least you know where you stand and that you wish these drinkers happiness and the causes of happiness.
I worked in retail and service for most of my life. I know how miserable people can be and how they can take out their misery on the person who serves them. It can be utterly ridiculous at times. Most often just rude but sometimes quite abusive.
But the biggest problem I encountered turned out to be my knee jerk reaction to that rudeness, not really the rudeness itself. I could even feel my back going up as soon as someone walked into the shop with a frown on their face. I'd already be angry or upset before the person even opened their mouth because of what I was expecting. So not only did I have to suffer their rudeness, I also set myself up to suffer before anything actually happened. I also held on to my feelings of anger and indignation long after the rude person had left the shop. So now I was really caught up in it. I suffered before anything negative actually happened, I suffered during the rudeness attack, and then I suffered after it was over by holding on to my painful feelings. On top of that, I suffered while serving people who were perfectly nice to me because my mind was still occupied with the rude customer I'd served right before them.
That's a lot of suffering.
It took me years but I finally wised up. I often didn't have anyone who could, or would, train me to do things in a better way so I looked for someone I could emulate and I always found other people at the stores I worked in or shopped in who served wisely, kindly, and happily. I watched them carefully, asked them questions, and copied what they did and eventually I learned a thing or two about how to serve people. For example,
(1) If you want to make it more difficult for customers to be rude to you, make eye contact as soon as they walk through the door and give them a genuine smile. Disarmament works.
(2) You're not doing the customer a favour by serving them. They're doing you the favour by spending their hard earned money at the store where you work. Treat them accordingly.
(3) The shop where you work is your turf, not the customers. Therefore you're the one with the power to set the tone at all times. Make it an enjoyable place to spend your time by setting a calm, gentle, happy tone. Be calm-assertive, like Cesar Milan teaches.
(4) And finally, here's the hardest one: When you've done everything you can to serve the customer well and they're still rude to you, kill them with kindness. React in the opposite way you would normally react. Smile. Imagine the person being rude to you is actually looking in the mirror and saying all those rude things to themselves because that's what they're actually doing. It's not you. It's them. Think about how much pain they must be in. How much they dislike themselves. How much suffering they must be experiencing. So much suffering in fact, that it's seeping out of them and onto everyone and everything around them. Think about what that kind of energy attracts. Feel empathy for them.
If you can do that, you can confidently say that you practice Buddhism.