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Why to be compassionate
How do you explain to somebody (fully functional intelligent adult) the reasons to be compassionate toward others and to be kind in general? My way is to explain to them the obvious benefits on why to be kind and etc. For some people it works, but I often find it difficult to express this a beneficial or inspiring manner to my partner. She has the attitude of "only my family and friends mean something to me, to everybody else who cares?". How would you suggest 'breaking' it to her??
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There is obviously nobody else around, and they need help.
Are you just going to walk past and ignore them?
No?
That is compassion.
General basic care for a fellow human being who is suffering in that moment.
Yes? You would just walk by?
How would it make you feel if you were hurt and in pain, and passers-by did not stop and help you?
This is lack of compassion for a fellow human being who is suffering in that moment.
It is the difference between stopping, and being considerate, and carrying on and being uncaring.
Would you prefer to be remembered as someone who cared, or someone who was uncaring?
This is not logical.
What guarantee is there, that:
1) - she will see him in the next life?
2) - they will be born in the same 'realm'?
Lead by example, and be a stringent follower of the Eightfold Path, is really the answer.
(If and just scenario) Personally for Buddhist practitioner, I feel pain not becos the passers-by did not stop and help me, but becos it is normal to be painful on the body. If really no passer-by, saint and sages will transform to help, just be pleasant, lovely, and on the bright side, more importantly is dwell on omnipresent, Om Mani Padme Hum or Amitabha.
Best wishes
The rightness of compassion in Dharma isnt a moral absolute but rather one part of an equation of truth and practice.
It is not "Compassion is right because of some Moral Truth"
but rather:
"If someone wants to follow the path away from suffering towards happiness then compassion is an integral part of that path."
So I suggest rather than trying to convince someone of the moral certainty of compassion you simply explain to the the four noble truths and in time they may come to see for themselves the karmic reasons why compassion is part of the reduction of suffering:)
namaste
That isn't so, as federica says the compassionate way comes from caring when we meet someone. Not to walk around in heavenly all-love all the time. I personally find the the accident-example a bit too basic, as any normal human being will feel and urge to help a physically wounded fellow human (and even animal) - our empathy, a social survival-strategy, commands us to care under such circumstances. Humans are social beings after all.
Compassion is a level above simple empathy. Compassion is understanding and temperance.
When met with opposition we act with skillfulness instead of immediate aggression. Of course it can be difficult to explain how being temperate can be of any value to aggressive-minded people - to them, aggression is the tool which they cling to. They think "if I'm intimidating enough, I'll get my way" - not realizing that pressure adds to pressure. They will always get into squabbles here and there, and when they lose it's because the other person is a jerk, when they win it's because aggression works. The only way to show them how compassion is better, is to show them. A darn lot of arguments never evolve if the one part is compassionate, calm and forgiving. Not meeting the world with aggression will make the world less aggressive to be in - smile, and the world will smile back. I can personally vouch for the fact that you get your way, as well as become a happier person, when not stepping on others - if you're friendly, people treat you like a friend.
Often I chose examples involving the subject when explaining such things. I say something like "if you worked in that store, how would you react if someone made a scene like that?" - an aggressive person will immediately realize that he/her, him/herself would have been on the defense from the beginning. It becomes impossible to get that pair of loose jeans switched for a better fitting pair, because suddenly the deal is not about jeans, but about who can be the biggest ass to the other person. Understanding is needed when the store worker is in a bad mood; maybe they had five aggressive costumers that day - it will really wear on anyone's good mood. So instead of you thinking "what a sour apple, I don't wanna speak nicely to such a frowning face", you should think "how can I make those lips smile again?"
You can walk your way knowing that you made a difference to a person that day - heck, maybe a lot of people. What if that "sour apple", being sad from a hard day's abuse from angry costumers, go home and yell at his/her partner? or kids? from sheer frustration of being treated like a rotten banana day in and day out, because "only I and my family matter, the rest of the world is to exploit and fight at will"-attitudes...
No, I will at any time personally guarantee that compassion is the best option, always
On a day-to-day level life is much nicer if we're kind to people - so enlightened self-interest might be a way in?
P
I don't see why being considerate about how you are remembered is a bad thing. In the same way as not wanting to be disliked isn't bad.
If a human expresses a mental preference or dislike they will inevitably import their illusionary ego. It is not the same negative pollution caused by, say greed or jealosy.
I guess if you really are set on Buddhahood as some total and utter irradication then the positive ego aspects, like wanting to be liked or well remebered, will be some of the last to go.
namaste
I believe it not to be compassion, but action to feed your ego. "Oh I'm so good helping others" or "I'll be good to them, so they think good of me". That's not compassion.
Mayhaps these things are not black and white, but shades and all between. A committed Buddhist may act compassionately for purely egoless, Dharma motives for year upon year of dilligent practice and then one day be "kind for kudos". It doesn't diminish anything sytructurally as much as effect it kermically and as such is just the way of things.
So I guess I say that we should be careful we don't ascribe to the mostly unenlightened the criteria of the perfectly enlightened:)
Given that she doesn't seem to be Buddhist, this would resonate with her more than if she were.
As she's not Buddhist, it's a start.
Time for more modification after she first comes round to thinking of others.
the thing is when someone does not show compassion when there is a choice, it only feed the part of the personnality (ego) that leads to lots of suffering for that person.
selfishness, and then the guilt.
even if a person look like it doesn't affect him at all, it does.
Then you have situations like "why does this happen to me? why nobody like me, why my life is so empty, why can't the world bend itself backward to accomodate me?
Karma is not some kind of moral god that judge people based on their true nature, it is simply "if you kill someone, you will feel terrible guilt that will litterally affect every single aspect of your life, affect every single thought you have and will ruin your life."
Yes, I agree with the above.
I am not sure of the relevance here:)
yes, of course. I am very much matter of fact about this point: karma is interdependent moral/mental/spiritual and physical causation.
So when I said the bit you picked up on ("It doesn't diminish anything sytructurally as much as effect it kermically and as such is just the way of things.") I mean in this sense, not in the sense you allude.
namaste
i don't know what that mean.
Can you use words that are used more than once every 50 years by the totality of the general public?
Are you studying linguistic at the university and now you feel the need to expend the vocabulary of the general public?
On the other hand if it's a choice between being helped by somebody on an ego trip and not being helped atall, I'll gladly accept the help.:)
P
As in, its not a major change to how one connects with the world, whereas stealing would be. But both behaviors will have karmic effects nonetheless.
I guess you are suggesting I am verbose or pretentious in my way of speaking?
My only response is I always try to speak as clearly as possible, though often about subjects I am still getting clear with:)
But feel free to let me know if you ever find a more "general" word that can be employed to replace, salva veritate, one of the verbose lexicographial entities that I have employed;p
No that has never been a mission of mine. Though I do think the world would be better place if we all had bigger vocabularies:)
namaste
I thought "sytructurally" and "kermically" were actual words, not misspells.
LOL! I am so glad I didnt go into a long ego-diatribe trying to explain how "structural" is the most semantically efficient term to convey.... blah blah
So it seems in every sense we are in agreement. Thus, I shall call back the dogs of war!
namaste
Breaking what to her? I don't completely understand your question; sorry. Do you mean to say that she is bad to others and cause other people harm in any way?
Why? Because it promotes happiness and psychological healthy. The more self-absorbed a person is, the more neurotic, the less happy they are. Mankind is genetically a tribal animal, and it is programmed into our genes that we survive when we work together.
Why, for Buddhists? Because compassion is one of many tools to dismantle our self-absorption, our self-attachment, to free us from suffering.
You could always tell her that being filled with compassion for others will give her skin a glowing sheen that will make her more beautiful, and prolong her youthful appearance.
With warmth,
Matt
Hehe it could work, i just have to pick the right moment.
Thank you all for your responses, it has certainly helped. But I think the overall concept that I will take from all these responses is to simply lead the way. Be the change that I'd like to instill in her.
the positive interpretation doesn't seem garanteed tho.
she could easily believe he has become a religious fanatic wasting his time serving other people...
maybe there are as many negative interpretation as there are positive ones...
But if a person is somewhere in his/her life where they live in a darker shade of life, it seems reasonnable to me to assume that the negative interpretations are somewhat more likely.
Very much so and realistic view IMO.
In this case, prepare for the worst but hope for the best.
Always...
There is no reason to be compassionate. Any reason given would be wrong. When you see someone, anyone, step on a nail you recoil automatically. It is like a subtle nerve extension. You want to pull the nail out, in the same way one of your hands automatically reaches for the other when it is caught in a closing door. This is already there and I'm sceptical it is truly blocked. A situation will arise where compassion will come up for someone outside her sphere. You can be ready to point it out.
In that sense, it makes sense to me to depict the compassion being blocked by projection, but its really more accurate to say that the senses are being blocked, and so compassion is simply never initiated. Might just be semantics though, either way, looking deeper into it seems helpful.
I agree with your subtext that compassion isn't something we really intend... it is there or it isn't... like clarity.
With warmth,
Matt