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getting older
Do you like getting older? I'm 22 year old... and I feel bad when some kid calls me bro. I'm not going to get young and I miss age 17 and I really don't want to get older. I see kids of high school and feel really sad.. I lost that time and an not going to get it back ever again. I sometimes think in 10 years I'd be 32 and kids would call me uncle............
Am I the only one who thinks stuff like that?
Am I the only one who thinks stuff like that?
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Your lovely mind never aged.
Your body need to grow "old" or else you may not enjoy a life time partner. Another problem you may face is that you may be approached for alot of experiments that will make your mind old even faster
What were the things you did at 17 that you miss?
What do you miss in high school?
Why do you say the time is lost?
Now I've grown emotionally and I agree whole heartedly with the poster who said he likes the wisdom gained with age. Honestly in an emotional and spiritual way the 40's has been my favorite decade.
Physically....not so much. But I still feel essentially the same as I always did.
I occasionaly see a picture or video of myself, or unexpectedly see myself in a mirror and I am always shocked at how old I am!
I hold a great deal of regret about my teen years because I was ridiculously shy and had awful self esteem. As a result I spent most of it alone and very stoned.
I didn't have girlfriends, or much of a social life at all. Now as a music teacher I spend a huge amount of my time with teens, and I admit I am very jealous of the life they have.
However, regret and jealousy are entirely unproductive and negative emotions, and ones' I am trying hard to over come.
Still, I have 5 rock band (not the game...real music played on real instruments) classes, and I play with the students in all of them. Two of them have a great friendship with all members including me, and while playing and working with them I honestly forget that they are all 14-18, and I"m nearly 50. Then I'll see the dreaded video or picture of us performing together and again the shock of how much older I am hits me.
None the less, I enjoy the bands, they seem to not find me to be a pain in the ass old guy and treat me like a friend, so physicality aside, (and of course for stage of life, moral and legal reasons there are limits to the relationships I have with these kids compared the relationships they have with each other) in away I still get to be a teenager.
Gotta be honest though...I hear the stories of the party's and such and I don't feel jealous...I feel thankful I'm too old for that stuff!!
So my advice is to not entertain these sorts of feelings too much. You may be able to have more adult versions of the sorts of fun and relationships you had in high school if you approach it right. Clinging to the past cuts you off from the present moment, and can even chase away a happy future.
You might benefit from some present moment mindfulness.
Embrace the now! it's all you actually have!
but I still look like a kid, behave like kid and feel like a kid. when people look at me... they also think my age is 17-18. even younger girls don't consider me above their age... but still as I said before... i know deep down that I'm older than them and am growing older every second, every hour, every day. I just don't want to grow older... don't want things to change. but I know it is not possible and that makes me sad. what should I do?
because I was more free back then... interacting with friends in high school.. hanging out with friends. I had no tension. no worry about the future. I had a lot of free time to do anything I liked.... these days I'm very busy and my friends are also busy and we don't even get time to talk to each other.
can you really expect a teenager to come in terms with suffering, old age and death???
and it's not my death I'm afraid of.... As I grow older so will the once I love and they will die.... that hurts me.... I can't even bear to think about it.
yes but don't you miss your teenage days? don't you reflect back and sigh thinking about those good old days? when you were a teenager hanging out with your friends or girlfriend.... the new "everything is awesome" feeling when you were in love?
thank you very much for sharing this.... you are lucky you have learned and accepted the fact and are happy with it. the physical thing also troubles me... I don't want to sound like an ass but I'm really proud of my looks and my body... and it hurts to think that i won't have it for very long.
and don't you miss your old friends or the place that you lived when you were a child?
... it's really great that you are doing something you are passionate about and you are enjoying it and you are getting chance to interact with teenager who are treating you as their equal. -- I have the fear that in a few year I would be sitting at a desk doing some boring job and I'd be all tired at the end of the day and won't have a life.
Regardless of age, you can still interact with your friends now, and also make new friends. Also, soon you can have your own place, if you don't have it yet, and then you will get a degree of freedom you probably didn't have in high school. If you could have more interaction with your friends do you think this dislike for getting older would change?
Can you think of ways that you could spend more time with your friends?
What are the things you like to do?
What worries you about the future?
My mother died when I was 13. It hurt, A LOT. But yes, i do expect a teenager to come to terms with suffering, old age and death. You exhibit "wrong view". Everything is impermanent. That is reality. If you want to continue to suffer about this and other things, hang on to your "wrong view". No excuses....time to grow up.
Because on that conditon, you'll discover the changing in your physical body little by little. on the other hand, you know exactly all the changing, getting older is just the sign of impermanance. The reality that we couldn't change except to accept it. Is it what Buddha taught us, right? the suffering is just our clinging to permanence. If we transform our way of thinking, then our fear will little by little diminish.
That's what I'm also trying to work on it.
*sorry for any mistakes on my writing.
You maybe the only one thinking this stuff at age 22! Live just starts at 22 and you talk about getting older...?
If I remember correctly my thoughts at 22 were quite different. They revolved around girlfriends, ex-girfriends, potential girlfriends, listening to music, playing music, recording music, flying to South America, exploring the Amazon river, tropical jungles, tropical beaches, more girlfriends, and oh yes, ... a bit of studying linear algebra or something similarly absurd at the uni.
Cheers, Thomas
Getting older? At 22? HA HA HA HA HA says this 61 year old! Here I thought "getting older" was a thread right up my alley!
Look at it this way. Don't confuse your body with your essence. Only your BODY has youth or age. Your essence is ageless.
Regarding teens coming to terms with suffering and death...
There have been a few studies that show teens do not have fully developed brains (or bodies of course...it stands to reason really) and they do not fully understand things like consequences.
Personally I think this was a useful thing for evolution. Typically young people needed the courage to hunt without the aid of guns, and to protect themselves, their families, their tribes. This requires a living in the now not worrying about things like "I might suffer and get hurt or killed"
IMHO generally speaking most teens do have a sense of immortality, and that's ok. It naturally falls away as they get older...much like most people on their own will overcome vanity as they age.
Of course a lot of our obsession with youth is pure marketing. if we all looked forever young it would kill a ton of industries. But since we cannot stop the aging process, there is a line up of people wanting to sell us the impossible dream...and make no bones about it...you will NEVER get laid unless you use the right hair dye, go on the right diet, go on the right exercise program, get the right cosmetic surgery, learn to vomit like all the top models (twice the taste...half the calories!), drink the right beer, wear the right perfume, get bigger boobs and a longer dong, drive the right car.....the list goes on and on. of course what are they actually selling???? Dukka!!!!
Don't be sucked in. Age naturally and gracefully, and bask in the wisdom, maturity, inner security, and "spiritual" growth! They cannot bottle it and sell in to you, but the good news is they don't have to! The only price is .....living.
Dukka Dukka
For me the best part of adulthood is being able to make the little decisions. Yesterday you know what I had for dinner? Sushi and cornbread. You know when I went to bed? When I was tired. You know where I went to work? Where I chose to. Sure, I have to pay bills and sure I have to do my own laundry, but that's nothing compared to the freedom I have now.
I didn't realize how much my expectations had changed based on this new freedom once I got to college until I visited my parents for vacation and realized nothing fit. I resented having to go to bed when they went to bed. I resented that somebody else decided when dinner was and that sometimes it was food I disliked or even had difficulty eating. I resented that my significant other could not be a part of my life to the degree I prefer while I was sleeping under my parents' roof. That's when I realized. I wasn't comfortable living like their kid anymore because I wasn't a kid anymore. I was a grown woman and I needed more room to breathe and make my own decisions.
My mother has enjoyed life more and more as she aged. As I myself tack on the years, I'm beginning to understand why.
So try not to worry, if you can. High school is carefree, but that's because the choices weren't yours. Not really. Freedom brings some anxiety about making the right choices, but even if you're not ready for that freedom yet... you'll probably grow into it and you'll know what to do with it eventually.
yes. everything is impermanent and I have to come in terms with that... and I have to grow up but it is not a comfortable thing.
very true but it's hard to accept it. and movie like Bicentennial man make the death thing more obvious.
OK. 22 is my peak time but I will leave it also become 23 next year and 32 in 10 years..... then I'll miss 22.
I guess that is true because my uncle who is 37 doesn't behave like a grown up... he is very friendly.
awesome reply. I cannot thank you enough.
thank you very much for your reply. It is helping me a lot. So high school might be feeling like a totally different life to you doesn't it.
Bingo. All the more reason to enjoy 22 while it is with you without clinging to the past. Do the same with 23, 24, etc...
Your young Davey, keep looking at the past and you'll trip over tomorrow.
Nickidoodle Jellybean
So live today.
Here's the good news. You've noticed this and are asking the question - good for you! Seriously. In this world of narcissism and the glorification of youth and beauty, it's a true accomplishment to ask the questions you're asking. And here's the best part - there is a solution. Many, many, many people have gone through exactly what you are going through and there are thousands of years of writing, practice, and wisdom about it. Thinking your way out of it isn't going to work. But you can start meditating. Meditating will help you to become less attached to things that will not bring you satisfaction.
So, don't panic, be patient, and sit! There are enough other threads on how to go about learning how to meditate. And if you already know how, then maybe it's time to take it to the next step. Either way, welcome to the journey.
Nickidoodle Jellybean
Similarly... when I'm studying or doing some work... I glance through the window and see kids playing football... they are carefree, they have got no problems.. nothing to worry about whereas I'm on a deadline and my project is not finished... That makes me jealous.
yes... I also am trying to do that... live in the present.
live today yes...but which if today is not the best day or even a good day.
I still see the little boy in me, yet I feel wiser and mature at my age.
I like the way I look, I am not shocked at all by what I see in the mirror and happy to say that with some Right View, Right Action, and working on being mindful I have lost 66lbs, run 2.5 miles every morning, am down to my waist size of 38" and conquered diabetes and Cholesterol.
Basically I still see the boy in me, am physically in pretty much the same shape as I was 25-30 years ago in college.
My avatar shows me at 14 when I first took up Classical Guitar (which I'm back into for the last 3 years) and this is me a few months ago in NYC.
thank you for the reply sir. It is good to know that getting older isn't as bad or tragic as I thought. trying to live in present and not in past or future.
But please don't call me Sir... it's too old :coffee: & too formal
"Life is so good if we just let it be, and are awake enough to realize it!" :vimp:
once again thank you very much... My mind sometimes still go to those odd thinks/ thoughts but I think about these replies and it eases me.
everyone experiences this.
it's funny, i have moved many times in my life and met wonderful people and loved wonderful places and whenever i leave... it gives me a little pain in my heart to think back on those that i miss. but at the same time, i never would have had those experiences or met those people if i wasn't forever striving forward. this is how i know that there will be plenty more of these wonderful experiences to come. and someday, i can almost guarantee that you will look back on exactly where you are now with this same feeling.
don't let your life pass you by while you stay rooted in the past. sometimes i think, "man, it was so much easier when my parents paid the bills and made dinner and all i had to do was homework and draw or play video games" ...but i think when i was that age i probably thought life was so hard because of school and homework that i probably wished i was 4 when all i had to do was eat and poop, haha. even now if i think, "man, life is so hard. i have to work so much to pay my bills and be responsible for myself" but i think in maybe 10 years i will look back and think, "man, life was so easier 10 years ago before i had kids and all i had to do was take care of myself..."
hahaha. yes, it's human nature to wish for things to be different. but the reality is that you're only causing your suffering by doing so. why bother wasting energy on an impossibility when you could be looking for that wonderful experience right here in this moment?
Never really liked my teen years, especially when I was living home. I didn't like the highschool drama, group pressure, egocentrism, hormonal behaviour we we're all showing back then.
Not much of my interest and hobby's have changed since then. Only the amount of time I spend on them has become less, cause I got 'grownup' stuff to do too.
So far I haven't had much trouble aging, cause I just don't feel much older, things that have changed changed for the better so...
On a deeper level, it's not real anyway. Our notion of "self" is simply a delusion. There is no "self". What we think of as "self" is like the frames of a movie. When you watch the movie it all seems to be one picture that moves, but in reality it's just a series of individual pictures. It's like that with our minds. We create a self because it is our habit to do so, not because the self is a reality. We're always changing, from instant to instant. Thus there is no aging, no sickness, no death, as it says in the Heart Sutra. But it is a delusion that is very difficult to get over!
Palzang
you would be surprised at how many people think about this stuff.
very true.. it is like the grass is always greener on the other side situation. but IS there a time when we don't have to worry about anything and just sit back and relax ?
:wtf: what? there is aging, sickness and death... we can't ignore it even if we want.
Bodies age, gets sick, and die... of course. Can you look again and see what Palzang is describing?
Hehehe. In Britain we have a show called The Sex Education Show. There's a series once a year. This year the series' theme was Am I Normal? and also about dismissing myths about people you don't think have sex. One of these was old people, which do have sex (who'd have thought :eek::p). It showed you naked old people. One woman was ninety. I think it put me of girls LOL. Anyway, your right, we should enjoy old age too. Sitting on your porch in your rocking chair, doing a crossword, looking over your Old Folks' Garden and coughing
Nickidoodle Jellybean