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Courage build-up tips
NomaDBuddha
Scalpel wielder :) Bucharest Veteran
No, I am not here to sell those hints and tips. I will be the one who will buy them. Today the situation virtually exploded. Some of you know what the situation is about from the "The weakest man in the village" thread. If not , here is for short :
1. Some 20+ punk-ass gypsies found refuge in front of my best friends block of flats and started to terrorise all the people there.
2. I am mainly their target of mockery and trolling which I tried to avoid, but, not wanting to be like a doormat to them, I back-trolled them.
3. These animals ( I can't call them humans) think that all the things that belong to you, let's say a b-ball, and if you refuse to lend them the ball they will try to slowly beat the s#%t out of you; they will jump like 10 on one person;
Now, the situation : my friend refused to lend them the ball, and we went straight to a bus stop, to catch the bus, to go to the basketball courts; four of them followed us , just to have the occasion to play with the ball; again , my friend refused to lend them the ball, and, because they had no intention to leave him alone, I said to them: " leave him alone ! If he doesn't want to lend you the ball then get used to it !". As I finished to say that, the tougher one, one straight to me and wanted to pick a fight (gypsies often do that for no apparent reason) : " Who do you think you are to raise the voice at me , kid ?" the animal said. I explained to him what the matter was, and started to threaten me that he will take out the teeth out of my mouth and such.
The fact is, that I realised how fear took over my self. I couldn't react ( in the way that I should have imposed myself as more tougher than that animal, if you know what I mean), and I tried to solve this conflict peacefuly, mostly because, if I had hit that animal, my best friend wouldn't have returned home in one piece. I jumped in the bus, and that animal tried to palm me, but I blocked the hit.
Some things about those animals:
1. They don't fight alone. When alone, they lack the 'balls' to even look at you. That's why, I guess he came with other three guys.
2. If I beat the hell out of those animals in front of my best friend's block of flats, either, they will call other 30+ gypsies to solve those conflicts, either I will get pretty beaten up, and will end at the police station for disturbing the public 'silence'.
About that courage, I need some courage to prove that I can walk , after this incident, to my friend's block of flats and 'escape' from that place in one piece.
1. Some 20+ punk-ass gypsies found refuge in front of my best friends block of flats and started to terrorise all the people there.
2. I am mainly their target of mockery and trolling which I tried to avoid, but, not wanting to be like a doormat to them, I back-trolled them.
3. These animals ( I can't call them humans) think that all the things that belong to you, let's say a b-ball, and if you refuse to lend them the ball they will try to slowly beat the s#%t out of you; they will jump like 10 on one person;
Now, the situation : my friend refused to lend them the ball, and we went straight to a bus stop, to catch the bus, to go to the basketball courts; four of them followed us , just to have the occasion to play with the ball; again , my friend refused to lend them the ball, and, because they had no intention to leave him alone, I said to them: " leave him alone ! If he doesn't want to lend you the ball then get used to it !". As I finished to say that, the tougher one, one straight to me and wanted to pick a fight (gypsies often do that for no apparent reason) : " Who do you think you are to raise the voice at me , kid ?" the animal said. I explained to him what the matter was, and started to threaten me that he will take out the teeth out of my mouth and such.
The fact is, that I realised how fear took over my self. I couldn't react ( in the way that I should have imposed myself as more tougher than that animal, if you know what I mean), and I tried to solve this conflict peacefuly, mostly because, if I had hit that animal, my best friend wouldn't have returned home in one piece. I jumped in the bus, and that animal tried to palm me, but I blocked the hit.
Some things about those animals:
1. They don't fight alone. When alone, they lack the 'balls' to even look at you. That's why, I guess he came with other three guys.
2. If I beat the hell out of those animals in front of my best friend's block of flats, either, they will call other 30+ gypsies to solve those conflicts, either I will get pretty beaten up, and will end at the police station for disturbing the public 'silence'.
About that courage, I need some courage to prove that I can walk , after this incident, to my friend's block of flats and 'escape' from that place in one piece.
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Comments
I have read through your other thread as well, and remember many of the struggles you've described with those people. From here, it sounds like the interaction is escalating, which seems to indicate that there is more and more karma accumulating in your mind. I think you should buy them a basketball. You don't need courage, you need kindness... so even if you refuse offering a physical gift, please at least practice metta for them.
They are people, and dehumanizing them leads you into deeper suffering.
With warmth,
Matt
I thought about buying them one ball
I appreciate your help, and I'm trying to reach a solution tha twill ensure peace without the use of brute force.
As I said, without any violence. I want them, the majority, to ignore us, the minority, and to simply ignore one another. It's really hard, nearly reaching the impossible...Or so this matter seems to be.
I admit to complete ignorance of the workings of Romanian culture. Considering them inhuman is a delusion, even if your culture wrongly calls them animals. If you fall victim to that delusion, you are falling victim to that delusion.
I think you call them animals because you are angry and afraid. "Their actions" and "their motivations" and "their XXXXXX" is not an excuse for your delusions... would the Buddha consider them human?
With warmth,
Matt
The part with the cops will just fall. Cops in my country are too damn afraid of gypsies , and when gypsies 'attack' you, the police isn't the right place to go for immediate help. Moreover, if you have an airsoft gun and try to defend yourself , and the situation is perfect for you to just defend yourself, if that 'blank bullet' hits the aggresor, you , who defended will end up in jail.
About cell phones, we do have cell phones with camera ( like everyone in my country has at least one) , but , from my experience, you just don't use your cellphone when some strange people just stand near you, and you both fight a verbal war.
I know, I am too damn afraid of them too, mostly because they outnumber me like ten to one.
I also tought of smiling to them often, and even if I am backtrolling them, I am still talking politely to them. In general, I speak politely to everystranger that engages in a dialogue with me. About the smile part, yes, maybe this is dragging me down in this situation.
When I'm angry I fall into all kinds of traps. I try to get rid of that anger and hatred as soon as I can, but this thing is so annoying that I can't simply just let it go...don't know how. This, 'battle' left its signature in my mind. psychologically I am afraid of even putting one foot in my home-area, because of those people. I tried to trick my mind, to control myself, but no...everything I do is in vain.
This may sound bad, but if I were you I would try really hard to move away. Life is short and you should be able to be happy.
I just think at this point in time you are not ready or have the skillset to be able to resolve anything with the gypsies. They don't sound very reasonable.
Also if you have some space and time away from them, then you may better be able to have compassion for them. The part where you dehumanize them in your mind is wrong, but hard to avoid when you are in the thick of it.
Best wishes to you.
I don't know if it is possible for you to simply change your routine so as to spend your time in other places, but that is what I would try to do. Is there another basketball court you could use? Or another time you could play so you could simply avoid these people?
No easy answers.
Peace to you my friend,
Mtns
Cursory research suggests that this is untrue. What's the basis for this surprising claim?
See here and here
Calling them animals is exactly what the Nazis did. Oops, I might have just invoked Godwin's law.
Persecuted ? These persecutions happened years ago. Not now-a-days. As the Western Press tends to point out that they live in poverty, they are dirty and stuff, this is what they write from a mere contact with them. In my country, gypsies live in palaces (the ones who have money) or big elaborate houses, or they live in very large and very expensive apartments. The poor ones live wherever they can.
The fact is, that although they might look poor , they will still drive some new 4X4 car to their ay home. I saw one scene like this, when a family of gypsies who looked very very poor, just got out of a 4X4. And those expensive things aren't earned from honest work. They don't pay any taxes, they are defended by the NGO (non-governmental organizations) everytime they do somethimg really bad that the whole country would know, they steal everything they can. Five days ago, they stole the whole internet cables in between Internet Providing Centers, leaving me , and some other people without internet for five days.
About that news where the cop head-shot a roma man; police in our contry doesn't shoot people at random. As I said they are even afraid to touch the gypsies. And about romas getting shot from a police raid; this thing happened becuase the gypsies wouldn't cooperate with the 'Masked Men' ( somewhat like romanian version of S.W.A.T.) and would do everything to just drive the police and the law enforcement out of their sight.
I don't say that all gypsies are bad. But the vast majority is stuck in this way of life. There are some gypsies who managed to become famous even across the borders of Romania ( Johny Raducanu ).
There are lots of things that western press doesn't mention about roma people....
you suffer, they suffer, we all suffer.
i don't see why you are trying to convince a community of buddhists to adopt your beliefs. i will admit that i don't know what it's like to live in romania and i've never met a gypsy. but allow me to hold a mirror up, a lot of what you're saying reminds me of things i hear people say of african americans here. it's prejudice. it's wrong when they say it, it's wrong when you say it. and it's definitely not part of the eightfold path. i think you must know this deep down somewhere.
i'm sorry that you suffer so much and i can tell that you have a lot of fear regarding the gypsies. but please try to focus less on "us vs. them". it's an illusion to believe that they are different than you. we can learn far more in our practice from our enemies than we can from our friends.
I know that I am afraid of them, and i want to just get rid of that fear. And I simply don't know where to start.
A good place to start would be exammining the basis of your belief that romas are frightening, degraded people. Your assertions about them really seem to be coming out of left field. Supporting citations would help.
If they aren't 'civilized' then they aren't civilized. They are still humans.
Well, yes, I know, that's why I'm looking for a way to do that.
I don't know how, but I feel like I'm making small steps into getting rid of my fears.
They probably think you're a wimp that is easy to walk all over and be made fun of. Be kind and cool with them, but if they keep approaching you thinking they can disrespect you to your face you may need to put them in their place. Take up mixed martial arts. Something serious and efficient. I'm talking about Krav Maga, Muay Thai, Wing Chun, Ninjutsu, Judo (for examples). Something that is brutal, efficient, and no nonsense for street fighting. And also work out 5-6 times a week, strengthen your body.
If you can't afford the weekly classes, walk into a dojo and tell the teacher your situation in detail and in private. Any teacher worth their salt will teach you good techniques for free. You can do this for several martial art schools. Once you start practicing for real, you will no longer be afraid. By doing these things you're taking a precaution to be strong if you ever need it, and you might.
But I know, if they show any signs of threat, I'll get my Aikido and Shito-ryu ready.
However that is the old me talking, and I don't approve of this approach anymore.
It was kinda shocking that by reading your post I could feel your anger and frustration, first it was recognisition, then the anger became my own. i used to be in a lot of fights with these kind of people. But fighting them only made things worse, each and every time. Things got sometimes really really bad.
I think this is something you just have to endure. They are testing you. Stay true to your believes, be kind and relaxed.
You should not see your fear as a weakness. It's an instict that keeps you sharp and alert, since you are in a dangerous position. Learn to embrace your fear. When I fight in the ring (i'm a boxer) I always feel fear, but unless it grows out of control it's a good thing.
I'm not in that position where an amateur street fighter would take me out because I'm afraid. I ws attacked on the street, well, at the same block of flats by two kids ( I was like 11 years old back then) and one of them fled, the other went home with his face all bruised.
I'm afraid of their great numbers, and that they will call back up, and I have no back up. If I could carry a bokken the situation would be different, but that's a different story.
And yes, I am really, 100% sure that self defense equals prison time. There are examples in which normal people, let's say average people on the street defended themselves against gypsies, and that person , that average person landed in prison because he punched on of the gypsies ( gypsies attack in packs). The Romanian State's laws don't guarantee that you are safe in a self defense case. On top of that, I've seen on TV something that really made me rethink about the country in which I'm living right now: the news were about some 'gangsters' who punched the cops, and the latter didn't even react; or, some cops that were nearly on the point to be beaten up i na hospital, again by some 'gangster' gypsies. As a conclusion, if I try to take attitude against one of them,I surely worsen my situation, and the' punishment' will come either from the gypsies, either from the police.
Martial Arts in my country are something to be used when fighting in a dark alley, when no one can see each other's face. Not many people know about karate, or aikido, or other styles. Romanians, especially these days, don't have time for this 'nonsense'(in their opinion).
I know that trick, to attack the leader. The problem is, that if I beat the leader, there would come other bigger leaders who would beat me. The guy who threatened me, as a friend of mine told, is a close friend with the 'gangsters' who run my old hood. So, I , for a moment, try to avoid him, but, if I come face to face with him ( and we start beating each other), he won't even call back up, because he doesn't know who I am, but he can surely find out in time.
I revised my strategies and I'm focusing on my fear.I , as you say, try to embrace it. I found out that meditation during my commute to Bucharest helps me to keep my fear below the line.
As far as courage? Let go of materials, beliefs, and states of mind... The practice of kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity will warm the way for the trust to open to experience.
Ultimately the courage will come from trust to open coupled with seeing reality clearly. But don't fault yourself for having fear! A definition of a buddha is a being who has no fear.
Well, I'm not getting in conflict with gypsies. They are the ones who will threaten to beat you when you say something that sounds like a refusal.
As I said, the old fashioned fight will be kept as a Plan B thing.
Yes!
Karma, mine,their, has just intersected at one point, which, was unfavourable for me.
So, how do I open myself to fear ? How can I embrace it ?
Offtopic question, what's the name of the Zen monk, who was some kind of a rebel , meaning that he used to visit the red light districts, and write poetry and so on, that broke the monastic rules ?
After this incident I found out a new thing that pops up when I am in a 'battle': conflicting intentions. Meaning that, on part of myself orders 'Retreat!' and the other one orders 'Stay here and calm yourself up !'.
What should I do about it ? How should I deal with it ?
They are not animals, they are human beings, just like you, and just like you, they want to be happy. We all want to be happy. Some of us are simply more skilled in achieving this aim than others.
With understanding and compassion, you will get courage. Returning hatred for hatred can only escalate the bad feelings on both sides.
They act they way they do because they are perfectly aware of the image that you give them... if you act like this image never existed in the first place, and treat them as a fellow human being, then they should warm up to you.