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Significant Others & Buddhism
buddhafoot
Veteran
Significant Others & Buddhism
Buddhism precepts and concepts are really wonderful, wonderful tools. The teachings of Buddha have reached out to millions of people over the years, helping them in their day to day lives.
But, we who are not ordained, have these damn spouses, significant other, children, in-laws, etc. that can just drive you CRAZY!
Or ... does Buddhism help you deal with issues that you have with the closest or most intimate people in your life. There is an old saying that "familiarity breeds contempt" - and there is a reason that there are "old sayings".
Do you find that your practice as a Buddhist help or hinders with your various personal relationships? Or is Buddhism something that is something "you do" and you don't apply Buddha's teachings to loved ones in your life. And then, are your attachments to these people healthy?
-bf
Buddhism precepts and concepts are really wonderful, wonderful tools. The teachings of Buddha have reached out to millions of people over the years, helping them in their day to day lives.
But, we who are not ordained, have these damn spouses, significant other, children, in-laws, etc. that can just drive you CRAZY!
Or ... does Buddhism help you deal with issues that you have with the closest or most intimate people in your life. There is an old saying that "familiarity breeds contempt" - and there is a reason that there are "old sayings".
Do you find that your practice as a Buddhist help or hinders with your various personal relationships? Or is Buddhism something that is something "you do" and you don't apply Buddha's teachings to loved ones in your life. And then, are your attachments to these people healthy?
-bf
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"Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow. "
unfortunatly..i dont have a gf yet been single man for 3 years...but i would like to share the study with someone.....
I've never found that I felt a need to shove my beliefs down someone's throat or yack about it all the time. If they ask me, I'll be more than happy to tell them about it, but until that time - this is for me.
Even when I was a Christian, I never felt the need to keep talking about it to people.
-bf
She believes that for whatever you do that is wrong, God pays you back. The buddhst concept of Cause and Effect-Karma, In fact, there are many things that she does/says are remarkably buddhist-like-she's Buddhist and she doesn't even know it!
You may find some similarities between your sig other...
Welcome to our evah-so-humble but wonderful forum!
(I WOULD say that, but I'm biased....
What makes significant others significant, is that they represent ("signify") aspects of our very selves. We coach and groom and invest in those we love, and engage in a great play, sometimes facing off at one another, sometimes engaging in a dance (at times quite intimate), and at other times doing what we must just to bide the time. We should never forget, though, that it is only in our intimate circle of friends and family, that the overwhelming majority of us are called to play on the stage of life. And playful we should be. But, spiritually, we are called on to be the Witness and not to get caught up in the great drama out there. Well, that is true for most of us who can really do nothing to alter the big course of things if we get overly involved.
My most significant other is really cool about this open-religion thing, being a Vedantist, and yet I find a strain between us when I spend a lot of time doing my "Buddhist" thing in my own way. But I will not allow that to become an issue. I say: <<Well, this is what I'm drawn to right now.>> (As if I had a right to play any game I like or read any book on my time off from work, so long as things aren't being neglected! {Whew, what an Assumption!}) The best I can do is keeping it from becoming an issue and being open, flexible with my time, and pleasant. Also trying in my own gentle way to steer that dear friend away from drinking too much. Quite often, we have to deal with people's depression and their dependencies of one kind or another. Another source of conflict is how much time I spend at work, and, Jerbear, that is just another thing that spouses/significant others say about what you're doing. To be human is to be critiqued at every level, and it's not fun.
And Lead Us to the Truth.
Unburden Me of Any Thought
Which Leads Not Near to Where Thou Art,
Shining in Perfect Bliss!
And, Doing That, Let My Very Name Be Bliss!
I am a widowed mother of three. My late hubby was Baptist as was I at one time. He did believe in the cause and effect aspect of Buddhism as I do. I guess we were both Buddhist and did not even know it as well! LOL! I think that if Sonny were still alive, he would be supporting of my decision to a Nichiren Buddhist. He may even have become one himself if he were still alive; who knows?
Adiana:wavey:
Why does the sig other get upset about the time it takes. I meditate and chant maybe 40 minutes a day, and temple for 1 hour 1-2 times a week. That is for me and it isn't negotiable. I encourage my partner to take part in activities that have meaning for him and he does what he chooses to do. So, in the end, it will equal out. Sometimes they need reminding. One night, my partner was really missing his mom who had just passed away. He asked me to stay home that night as he needed me. The best Buddhist thing I could do was stay home and show him compassion. Practicing what we preach is the hardest at home.
Sorry, I didn't get back on this, but I have no explanation.
When in doubt, leave them out.
Part of what really drew me to Buddhism in the first place is the realization that my relationships with others--not just my boyfriend--were in need of serious help on my end. My attachment had become so severe that it was stifling my ability to live and enjoy my own life. (Psychologist-types can look at "Codependent No More"--the book reads like a word-for-word description of my life!)
Looking for help in a lot of different directions, I came across Buddhism and noticed the similarities between the teachings I was reading, and the advice I had been getting from those close to me. The thing of it is, though, is that people who could not understand my anxieties would often tell me to "just stop worrying"--but Buddhist teaching, through meditation and right view, shows me something I never knew before: HOW to stop worrying. While my practice is just that--something I'm attempting as I'm investigating this philosophy--I've already noticed a positive difference in my actions and my attitude. I don't think I've met a person yet that couldn't benefit from the teachings on having healthy relationships, without excessive attachment! (By the way, for those of you who might not have checked him out yet, author Thich Nhat Han's works on relationships are just AMAZING. I especially reccomend "Anger" and "Taming the Tiger Within". He teaches peace within, and building peace with those immediately around you, as the route to peace in the world.)
For me, it was anxiety attacks. Being a member of 12 step groups for over 16 years now, people would tell me to calm down. I kept thinking if I worked the steps more diligently, maybe I would get better. It didn't happen.
I have had anxiety problems for most of my life. I started meditating in order to learn how to quiet the mind down. I started reading Buddhist literature at that point and heard the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path and was blown away. I thought how simple. Then I started trying to practice them. LOL! Much tougher than I thought.
Then the accident happened. After nearly dying, it woke me up to the reality that all we really have is today. Buddhism is waking me up to the idea that all we really have is this moment. And to be honest, what a freeing idea. Not having to worry about every little thing that comes your way. I realize that isn't reason to not plan for things and be a responsible adult, but not to hold on to all of these things we think so important.
By the way, I don't know what you look like, but do you even look like Melodie Beattie?