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It's the little things that drive me mad!
odonata
New
Hello everyone!
I'm very new to buddhism and have just started meditating, which really helps me make sense of my life at the moment. I'm caring for a close family member who has terminal cancer and sometimes, naturally feel overwhelmed with it all.
I find great strength and peace when I'm alone and meditating - everything seems to settle and I get happy again, which is great. But the moment I leave the quiet space, the phone rings, I'm trying to be superwoman and almost straightaway it feels like I've forgotten everything I learnt and I'm back to square one!
How do I really apply the peace and calm to the little things that drive me mad?
I'm very new to buddhism and have just started meditating, which really helps me make sense of my life at the moment. I'm caring for a close family member who has terminal cancer and sometimes, naturally feel overwhelmed with it all.
I find great strength and peace when I'm alone and meditating - everything seems to settle and I get happy again, which is great. But the moment I leave the quiet space, the phone rings, I'm trying to be superwoman and almost straightaway it feels like I've forgotten everything I learnt and I'm back to square one!
How do I really apply the peace and calm to the little things that drive me mad?
0
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It is extremely stressful caring for a loved one with any terminal disease. I cared for my sister as she was dying and didn't even have Buddhism at that time in my life. It takes time from what I've been told to start really applying what you are learning when you meditate. What I try to do is put myself in the other person's shoes and what they are dealing with. I don't know what they are going through at that moment. But I also try to be kind to myself when I don't live up to my own expectations. The kindness we are taught in Buddhism is also to be applied to ourselves. If the phone rings and it irritates you, it's okay to be irritated but take a deep breath (like you would while meditating) and then pick up the phone. You can do that with any situation. I really don't know what else to say but know that you're not alone. Feel free to post anytime
I am sorry to hear about your sister, that must have been a really hard time for you - you seem to have come out the other side a really sane person so there's hope for me too!
ps: I tried the breathing thing when the phone rang, but miss timed it and ended up heavy breathing down the phone, good job it was a friend!
Hello Odonata,
I think this is an excellent question. Many practitioners find this the most difficult part of intergrating practice with 'everday life'.
I think maybe the biggest problem is our motivation towards meditation and practice.
Can I ask: are you meditating because you want to be calmed?
If the answer is 'yes' then that's what will happen - you will be calmed when you meditate and not when you don't.
It is similar to the motivation of thoughts towards 'things that drive you mad'.
Please do two things, for me (if you like, of course):
Look into you motivation towards meditation and your thoughts towards the 'things that drive you mad'.
The answers can only come from within. I am with you in your struggle.
****Gate, gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha****
I think you have already taken a huge step into the right direction: you have identified the problem. In the beginning you might only be able to "label" the situation afterwards (maybe, when you get some time to sit down or on your next meditation session). But the more you meditate and the more time you conciously experience, you are going to realize what is going wrong sooner and sonner.
After 1 year of meditation I am now often able to stop and realize what I'm doing wrong while I am in a problematic situation. I am not sure I did anything in particular (and yes, some little things still drive me crazy at certain times, but I do not seem to dwell on them so long anymore and am able to let it pass and not have it so much impact on my life), but be concious and mindful.
Love & light, Melanie.
"The animals of the world exist for their own reasons.
They were not made for humans any more than black
people were made for whites, or women for men."
-- Alice Walker
http://www.kentuckyfriedcruelty.com/walker.asp
"Be you, be safe, be good, be what you want to, be what you are."
-- Tommy Lee
In time, it will become natural and you will automatically do it when you get into those trying moments - in traffic, too many elevator stops.
Keep at it!
I received this from Beliefnet.com from their Buddhist Wisdom Daily (I left in all the copyrights so it's legal,guys)
If somebody meditates with a wholesome attitude, with right attention and mindfulness, then whether he has expectations or not he will gain insight. It's like filling a bowl with oil seeds and pressing them or milking a cow by pulling the udder or filling a jar with cream and churning it. It's the right method.
-Majjhima Nikaya
From "The Pocket Buddha Reader," edited by Anne Bancroft, 2001. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boston, www.shambhala.com.
So if you keep doing it with right attention and mindfulness you will grow in it. Now you will ask what right attention and mindfulness is. I'm going to let the older members take that from here, but I think it means how you pay atttention and your reasons for doing it. When I first started meditating a few years ago, I did it for stress reduction but something changed as I went along. But I did it every day for half an hour back then. I'm building back up to that. So spend some more time on the cushion and see what happens.
:cheer:
We all come in with these wonderful platitudes, don't we, on how we perceive the best ways to 'not sweat the small stuff' are, or how we incorporate these methods, or refine a given practise, for ourselves.... But at least we all agree.... it isn't easy!
In truth, one of the most difficult things for anyone to practise, is the "Stop! Look, and Listen!" technique. To stop our descent into negative progress, in mid- or full-flow - that is to say, as we witness it arising; to Look - see, observe, notice - not only what our actions are creating, but to view the possible outcome at one and the same time; and to Listen.... to ourselves, to our thought process, to our conditioning or obstinate, stubborn habit.....
Do you know what I do in a situation where I am pulled towards a hasty reaction?
I shut up.
I actively prevent my mouth from opening.
Because whatever happens, my first (clumsy, stumbling, imprecise and amateur) effort is to decide that, whatever's going on up here (points to noddle on top of shoulders) is not going to come out of here (now indicates large frontal orifice also used for ingesting nourishment.....!) Once it's out, there's no stopping it......!:eek2:
One method I use, to keep me mindful, is to wear a ring. Any ring. Even a cheap kiddies bauble from wall-mart - and turn it during my meditation, just feeling the smooth sensation of the metal on my finger, the gentle pull as it rotates, the feeling of the pattern or stone on the ring, under my fingertips.... and I recite to myself, as I turn it, that I am Peace, I am Serenity, I am Calm, I am Love and Compassion.... I AM all of these things, these things are in me, and I am all that is Good, personified.
Then, when I come out of meditation, the occasional glance (voluntary or otherwise) of this ring, is enough to make me Stop, Look and Listen - to reflect and pause, to put into practise what it is that I most desire.
I hope this is a constructive method you might like to try for yourself. I have mentioned it elsewhere, but I found it so effective for me, I thought I'd share....!
Federica -I loved that advice about shutting up, it's a good chance to get rid of those knee-jerk reaction feelings and I've felt clearer for it already.
I think if I'm honest, I'm still essentially meditating for calm and peace at the moment, but once or twice I get little flashes of "clearness" and I can see where things fit together - and meditation is as much about being honest with myself too- facing up to the reality of situations and letting go of the things I can't do anything about.
I hope this makes sense to everyone? (I do tend to ramble!)
Thanks again and I'm really enjoying being part of this forum -such a brill site!
:thumbsup:
Just thought I'd let you know that I have recently joined a local Buddhist group and it's really making a difference to how I practice. The people there are amazing - so friendly, and I 've managed to practice mindfulness of breathing and metta bhavana with a small group of beginners. I take part in a puja for the first time next week.
Can you tell I'm excited?
It's just really good to know that there is a community I can get involved with and enjoy supporting each other as we develop our practice.
This site has played a big part in me deciding to join a group- so thanks again.
I belong to a small sangha and come here daily. You can learn the Dhamma any where it is spoken. There are some pretty good people around here who know what they're talking about. So please feel free to join us.
Ask yourself this. Do you get mad about the same things as you did when you were a kid or a teenager? Probably not. Then sit and think and ask yourself why.
Good Luck.