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How to deal with conservatives?
My significant others parents are extremely conservative Christians, and even talking about meditation riles them up. They tell me that that's a passage way to the devil.
*sighs*
Is there anyway to deal with them kindly?
*sighs*
Is there anyway to deal with them kindly?
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Comments
Anyway, why do they need dealing with? What's wrong with just not brining up meditation and whatever else riles them up? Bringing these things up with them is unhelpful.
Sorry, I am not really understanding the problem.
It will eventually lead into, "So, you're still...doing that meditation thing? You're still not committed to Christ completely?" They refuse to allow me to live my life.
The best option for you is to stand up to your parents. I love my parents, but luckly they are much more acceptable. Since I do have a cousin who is Buddhist. I do have friends who are very Conservative Christian. They tell me all this stuff, but I just give them a smile and say thanks for their opinions.
That usually confuse them.
Just practice staying calm and don't let it get to you. Be honest with them.
Ha. Well, yes, I suppose that is true. It's simply so frustrating to have to deal with. I don't like to keep my faith so private.
on the bright side they are just trying to help and genuinely believe they are doing good.
if they are the ones bringing the topic up then its an open invitation to talk about it. be firm but dont get angry. answer all questions honestly. this is what i do with my nana who is firmyl entrenched in the democratic party and consitently believes i am a conservative even though i am a libertarian. i also make it a point to hug her and tell her how much i lover her after we have talked.
Don't keep it private! Look you live in Camano Island! Mt Vernon, Anacortes, and Bellingham are a very open communities. We accept Buddhists!
Mostly in Bellingham. I have yet too attend. One day I want too, but too busy trying to survive. :sadc:
Most of the time I read on Buddhism and try to practice. I still trying to get a start of mediation. It's hard when you are distracted a lot.
It's also the reason why I stopped being a Christian. I couldn't stand the hypocrisy that happens in the church, and how cruel many of those people could be about other people's views.
Yeah, I agree. I think that Buddhism is hard to get started on alone. I mean, I've just recently started studying it. It's so different from anything I'm used to.
Same here! We all have something in common. I disbelief Abrahamic religions this summer. All the same reasons who all said or it's all that Richard Dawkins.
Here are some places I researched:
http://bellinghammindfulness.org/
http://www.bellingham.shambhala.org/
There are most down south in Seattle. My Cousin sent me an email of other places. I will respond later when I dig for it.
http://www.northwestdharma.org/
It might be helpful to point out (should the situation arise) that one doesn't need to be Buddhist to meditate...many Christian ministers do it. In a different way from Buddhists, definitely, but simply sitting still and contemplating for the goal(s) of peace/insight isn't inherently demonic. (Unless I'm doing it wrong, ha-ha.)
Ha. I've tried. They claim that those ministers are heretical.
One could argue that praying is not so different, at least in some ways..but they would probably dismiss that possibility out of hand too.
It sounds like something you'd just as soon not talk about (especially since you're not trying to convert), but they are hopeful and/or determined to see you Christian (and preferably their kind I'm sure).
What does your SO say about this? Is it possible (s)he could speak to them and say something along the lines of "look, she's not Christian, she's a good person and I care about her, but she's just not interested"? (I submit this possibility with a caveat to be careful..the two of you don't want the parents to feel that you are trying to foment conflict between them and their child, or for your SO to feel torn between them and you.)
Shift - I don't doubt that's true in Oz, but my experience in recent years in America is the opposite. Our country has become so polarized that minds that might once have been open are pretty well shut these days. Sad to say. People listen to too much shout-TV.
I understand your frustration, but they're not going to accept your meditation and Buddhist beliefs. You're not going to be able to explain it to them in a way they'll listen to because, (1) their religious teaching tell them it's a tool of Satan so you're wrong, and (2) you're their daughter and they're your parents so they know best.
Since they're not going to change, I can only tell you what helped me. I kept reminding myself that my mother was acting out of love and concern for my soul. I started saying things like, "I know you're worried. I wish you wouldn't. I'm sorry. I love you, too."
That's when she at least stopped trying to convert me away from Buddhism. She still holds secret dreams of saving my soul at the last minute, I think.
I really agree with this. Whether discussing it with them suits you is up to you; but the underlying attitude is great.
There are two basic things you can do:
1. Accept that they will never accept your meditation.
2. Accept that they will never leave you alone about it.
Letting it bug you, and chewing on it when it's not going on is possibly the worst thing you can do. But accepting the situation as it is can lead you to try to think of new ways to deal with it.
You could be proactive. As soon as you see them next, joyfully tell them, "I'm still meditating!" And smile.
When that starts to get stale, add, "It's great!" Or: "I'm getting good! I'm doing it now!" Or: "I'm thinking of getting your son into it, too. What do you think?"
You can call them on the phone and urge them to consider the value of meditating. Doctors are always coming up with studies about the health benefits.
Wear a cross. When they comment on it, tell them, "Well, as you know, I'm an atheist." When they tell you that you shouldn't wear a cross if you don't believe, because it's hypocrisy, answer: "That's a Christain value, not an atheist value. Athiests can say anything they want about their mental state."
Or you could play dirty: tell your boyfriend to tell them that, every time they nag you about becoming Christain, it reminds you to nag him to meditate. Start telling them that people who are good at meditating have been photographed hovering several inches above the ground...
Or -- you can just smile. And say nothing.
Buddha bless,
Conrad.
My sugestion, try not to engage them in it as much as possible. There is a differnce between keeping ones faith private and making a choice to not hurt others thru needless debate and conflict.
This is also a great chance for you to practice compassiobn towars those who would try to hurt you.
Have you had this conversation with your SO? Two heads might come up with acceptable approaches and the SO should know the parents best. At least the SO would know that you want peaceful relationships and that the SO is important to you.
I once had a similar kind of problem with my own mother "lecturing me" on my relationship. I only saw her every few months, so to me it was "every time" I see her she nags me about this. To her it was "doing her parental duty" on the few times a year she got the chance.
I asked her repeatedly to let it go, to no avail, so my eventual solution was to decide how often I wanted to visit. I discussed this with mom and told her that I saw little reason to visit if it would just be the same old lecture each time. The decision was hers on whether to bring that topic up again. The decision was mine as to how often or whether I'd come home if I had to listen to it.
Maybe you and your SO can agree on if/how often you go along to visit. Maybe you can agree on if/how your choices are communicated to the parents. IMHO, some excellent advice given above was to not come between the SO and the parents.
Worldling - who is old enough to have been on both sides of the parent-child divide
No, there is no way to deal with them kindly. They criticize your beliefs and try to persuade your beliefs. The situation is beyond kindness, it is a situation where you must be polite and refuse to discuss politics and religion.
i know, it's a tough situation. Christians can be so dogmatic and narrow minded. . . yes and judgemental. But perhaps you must be honest about everything. If they are really trying to be 'good' Christians, they will observe your 'fruits' of the spirit.
Often just smile and say thank you and go your way in peace.
Makes me want to ask them, "do you believe in karma?" If they say no, then ask them about 'bread cast upon waters' (the meaning of which is 'put good out or sew good, and good comes back to you...sew bad, and bad comes back to you.) Sounds pretty similar to karma, eh?
Many things, in Christianity and Buddhism are the same...just said differently.
Peace.
Buddha bless,
Conrad.
I don't believe in christianity.
How is Jesus working in your life? He died over 2000 years ago
So, you're still...doing that meditation thing? Yes
You're still not committed to Christ completely? I'm not committed to anything
If they ram questions about Jesus down your throat stand up to them and tell them whatever it is that you truly believe about Jesus. I'm not sure what that is. It will be more of a pulling both ways if you are a Christian and a Buddhist at the same time. In that case they'll view you as a Christian who is deceived. But be firm in your beliefs.
Personally I believe Jesus was not a deity and just a kind man. Such a kind man would not mind people practicing buddhism if it helped them be kind people with meaningful happy lives.
It's lovely to meet you.
I agree with fivebells. This is your SO's responsibility, not yours. They are not your parents after all.
I agree, but, sometimes showing kindness can send the wrong message.
There are many situations where it may be best to keep our kindness in our heart and mind and not openly show it.
If being kind reinforces negative actions we need to withdraw or communicate the fact that what people are saying or doing will not be accepted.
In this case (and many of us have been through this kind of situation) if we openly display kindness in response to people who criticize us for our beliefs, it can be misunderstood as an encouragement. In some of these kind of situations, I have found that it is of no use to try to communicate that it is not appropriate to attempt to encourage me to find Jesus, because some people will not accept that, so withdrawal seems the best recourse.
Like I said, sometimes polite is more appropriate to the situation than kindness. But of course, we are being polite out of kindness.
Ah, there you go. I can now agree with you.
Buddha bless,
Conrad.<!-- / message -->
My mother is Christian.
She usually got annoyed with what I'd say about Buddha's teachings, so eventually I just accepted it. The Golden Rule: treat others how you'd want to be treated, or what have you. Even if they don't talk to you with understanding, you can to them- you understand that they don't follow you, and think it's wrong. They're just people who cling to the belief of being right, and anything that opposes is 'a one way ticket to the devil.' Maybe if you are polite enough, they'll accept, though not agree, and will not nag you!
There is a difference between "American" and "British" Conservatism.
American Conservatives believe that Christianity needs to be part with US government.
Not talk to them about it.
Turn the table around.
From where I come from, We have conservative Buddhists (ie usually the older folks) shudder at the idea of their kids turning to Christianity.
They view Christianity as an occult and are worried their kids will get "brain-washed". Some, the extreme cases, even threaten to disown their kids if they become Christians.
My point: It's all relative.
Some Buddhists can be equally dogmatic i.e. "My way is the way"!
Buddhism isn't about spreading the word, it's about loving kindness. There is often a time to speak your mind though. Make it clear that they hurt you when they try to impose their beliefs on you, that you don't believe that your life will end in damnation if you don't follow Christ and that by them continuing to raise the subject is fruitless.
Metta
Here in the US conservative doesn't necessarily mean what it might mean in other parts of the world. It's become pretty well intertwined with fundamentalist Christian.