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trying to live in the past

theseustheseus
edited December 2010 in Buddhism Basics
I have a friend. well I guess I can't really call this person so anymore. We use to be best friends, as close as two people can be. But for months this person has been on and off about wanting to be my friend. meaning that one day they want us to be friends and the next day (with no prior signs or clues) they say that we shouldn't really be friends anymore. This has been ongoing for six months and it tears me apart to hear them say it everytime; because all I want is for us to be as close as we use to be. I know that the past should be left in the past but I have such a hard time letting go. I've been loosing friends steadily for the past year or two and I want to stop it but I can't.

Comments

  • DazzleDazzle
    edited November 2010
    Hi theseus,

    This behavior does sound rather odd, - but you haven't really given any details about the background circumstances of your friendship.

    Kind wishes,

    Dazzle
  • SimonthepilgrimSimonthepilgrim Veteran
    edited November 2010
    theseus wrote: »
    I have a friend. well I guess I can't really call this person so anymore. We use to be best friends, as close as two people can be. But for months this person has been on and off about wanting to be my friend. meaning that one day they want us to be friends and the next day (with no prior signs or clues) they say that we shouldn't really be friends anymore. This has been ongoing for six months and it tears me apart to hear them say it everytime; because all I want is for us to be as close as we use to be. I know that the past should be left in the past but I have such a hard time letting go. I've been loosing friends steadily for the past year or two and I want to stop it but I can't.

    This sounds really hard.

    The best you can do, I think, is to stay as friendly as possible and ensure that you do not contribute to the problem.

    Of course, you could try asking them what the matter is.
  • theseustheseus
    edited November 2010
    We had been best friends for a little over a year before it all started happening. The first time she said that she didn't want to be my friend anymore is because I said i would take a break from smoking pot and never did. She was angry but we got through it. It's been happening on and off ever since. Everytime it happens I try to understand why, but she isn't very good at communicating; choosing to write me a note or text rather than talk face to face. She has given me reasons: she doesn't feel like herself around me or that I do drugs (when she does them also), but she is never very clear about it
  • SherabDorjeSherabDorje
    edited November 2010
    I think most here would agree that use of an intoxicant such as pot or any other intoxicating drug is not consistent with Buddhism. You may find that this discussion does not gain much traction here if this is about you using pot and your friend not wanting to be around you because of it. Marijuana use has been discussed pretty thoroughly here and I think it's been generally agreed that it's just not consistent with Buddhism.
  • theseustheseus
    edited November 2010
    That isn't what it is about, just a detail
  • SherabDorjeSherabDorje
    edited November 2010
    So what is it really about? You haven't really said yet and that's important for us to be able to give you any feedback about it.
  • theseustheseus
    edited November 2010
    To be honest I don't really know, I want us to still be friends but don't know how to go about it
  • DazzleDazzle
    edited November 2010
    theseus wrote: »
    To be honest I don't really know, I want us to still be friends but don't know how to go about it


    Perhaps if you stayed off the cannabis, things might become a little clearer.:)



    .
  • theseustheseus
    edited November 2010
    I didn't really post this to debate pot...
  • Rmurray1985Rmurray1985
    edited November 2010
    Perhaps a little reflection on the impermanent nature of everything could help you?
  • ChrysalidChrysalid Veteran
    edited November 2010
    Why do you think that you have been steadily losing friends, think hard and try to be honest with yourself.
  • ShiftPlusOneShiftPlusOne Veteran
    edited November 2010
    Did you or her recently start dating someone?
  • YesheDorjeYesheDorje
    edited November 2010
    The world if full of friends, they are all around you at all times.
    Some will be distant or not be with you much, but they are still your friend.
    Do not give up on your friends, but do not try to control your relationships.

    Things change, roll with it!

    Best wishes and many blessings.
  • SeaOfTranquilitySeaOfTranquility Veteran
    edited December 2010
    Relationships come and go for many reasons. All is impermanent.

    When ever things change we suffer. We feel insecure. We want the good times to last.

    To help us not suffer the Buddha gave us the truths of impermanence and no self.
  • TalismanTalisman Veteran
    edited December 2010
    Since me and my girlfriend quit smoking pot, we have been much closer and have had the clarity to approach any issues that arise with depth, patience, and sincerity. I'm not going to talk down about weed either, because my father's disposition and mood have been greatly improved since he went back to smoking. But maybe you should step back from it and see if it doesnt help you to see things a little clearer. It's always good to detox from time to time.
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