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I'm new here / Looking for Advice
Bram90
New
Long post so here are the main points:
-New to Buddhism, Interested in the Eightfold Path and related teachings
-Dealing with subtle unhappiness and related issues
-Trying to fix this
-Any advice?
Hello
A few months ago I was first introduced to a Buddhist teaching, the Eight fold path. It was a very basic introduction and was not the main focus of the audio series I was listening to, but it was enough to get the ball rolling. Since then my interest has grown in Buddhism and related topics dealing with, the causes of suffering, inner peace, and trying to have a still mind, so I signed up here.
I think that I may be able to greatly improve the quality of my life, with these teachings and some help.
A little background: I'm a nineteen year old male, still at home with my Mother and younger sibling, no job and, no friends that I routinely see/talk with (I don't use facebook or have a cell phone). My relationship with both sides of my family is limited, almost non-existent. When my Father died we (my mother, brother, myself) basically lost that connection to them (four Uncles/Aunt/Grandmother), he was the bridge/common factor.
I'm typically introverted but have been trying to be more sociable. I think I feel uncomfortable when in a classroom environment because I have low self-esteem (I feel inadequate), and feel that there are differences that often raise questioning and I'm never satisfied with my reasons when I'm put on the spot.
Stuff like being an Atheist, a vegetarian, being completely sober 7 days a week. When questioned I don't know what to say, I never want to provoke a argument (some people defend their position aggressively), so I say its just my preference and leave it at that. This can somewhat distance the relationship I have with my peers, not drinking especially.
Basically I have been living with a constant subtle unhappiness for quite some time. I wouldn't say that I'm severely depressed at all, its just that I'm never truly happy. This leads to doubting myself-self, procrastination of my education/goals, and other negative fluctuations I would be better off without. It can turn what should me an enjoyable experience into a bad one. At time it even leads to anger that I internally direct at my self, blaming my self, hating myself for spending so much time worrying. When I realize I'm doing this I try to snap out of it, breathing while counting in cycles helps.
Philanthropy is something I'm interested in and this plays a part, I want to eliminate my self induced suffering (anxiety/fear of mistakes) which I think, is partially derived from my minds interpretation of external life events. The events in my life are neither good or bad but I make them so. In the long run (10,20,50 years) I imagine that the addressing of these issues will have a phenomenal impact the quality of my life.
Note: **I feel like a coward when even mentioning this because I realize how lucky I'm just to exist in a time/location where I can live in peace, without having to deal with daily acts of terrorism and effects of war. In comparison to some parts of the world I have no problems. I'm very grateful for my life/family, so I'm doing this to deal with whats holding me back.**
I have never tried to meditate, the closest thing I have done is to count my breathing, however I'm interested.
I want to be a truly happy person.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank-you
-New to Buddhism, Interested in the Eightfold Path and related teachings
-Dealing with subtle unhappiness and related issues
-Trying to fix this
-Any advice?
Hello
A few months ago I was first introduced to a Buddhist teaching, the Eight fold path. It was a very basic introduction and was not the main focus of the audio series I was listening to, but it was enough to get the ball rolling. Since then my interest has grown in Buddhism and related topics dealing with, the causes of suffering, inner peace, and trying to have a still mind, so I signed up here.
I think that I may be able to greatly improve the quality of my life, with these teachings and some help.
A little background: I'm a nineteen year old male, still at home with my Mother and younger sibling, no job and, no friends that I routinely see/talk with (I don't use facebook or have a cell phone). My relationship with both sides of my family is limited, almost non-existent. When my Father died we (my mother, brother, myself) basically lost that connection to them (four Uncles/Aunt/Grandmother), he was the bridge/common factor.
I'm typically introverted but have been trying to be more sociable. I think I feel uncomfortable when in a classroom environment because I have low self-esteem (I feel inadequate), and feel that there are differences that often raise questioning and I'm never satisfied with my reasons when I'm put on the spot.
Stuff like being an Atheist, a vegetarian, being completely sober 7 days a week. When questioned I don't know what to say, I never want to provoke a argument (some people defend their position aggressively), so I say its just my preference and leave it at that. This can somewhat distance the relationship I have with my peers, not drinking especially.
Basically I have been living with a constant subtle unhappiness for quite some time. I wouldn't say that I'm severely depressed at all, its just that I'm never truly happy. This leads to doubting myself-self, procrastination of my education/goals, and other negative fluctuations I would be better off without. It can turn what should me an enjoyable experience into a bad one. At time it even leads to anger that I internally direct at my self, blaming my self, hating myself for spending so much time worrying. When I realize I'm doing this I try to snap out of it, breathing while counting in cycles helps.
Philanthropy is something I'm interested in and this plays a part, I want to eliminate my self induced suffering (anxiety/fear of mistakes) which I think, is partially derived from my minds interpretation of external life events. The events in my life are neither good or bad but I make them so. In the long run (10,20,50 years) I imagine that the addressing of these issues will have a phenomenal impact the quality of my life.
Note: **I feel like a coward when even mentioning this because I realize how lucky I'm just to exist in a time/location where I can live in peace, without having to deal with daily acts of terrorism and effects of war. In comparison to some parts of the world I have no problems. I'm very grateful for my life/family, so I'm doing this to deal with whats holding me back.**
I have never tried to meditate, the closest thing I have done is to count my breathing, however I'm interested.
I want to be a truly happy person.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank-you
0
Comments
Try http://www.buddhanet.net for any tradition and http://www.accesstoinsight.org for Theravada-oriented.
When you have questions, here we are.
Would you rather have a happy and contented mind-frame, or an unhappy and frustrated mind-frame?
Your choice.
We choose our behaviour, our reactions, our responses and our thoughts.
we come to these conclusions because of what we perceive.
What we perceive, we evaluate in the way we evaluate.
Then we make our mind up one way or the other to either hold resentment, or release it and let go of fixed opinion.
This is not easy.
this is the bit you'll have to practice.
to view your reactions and responses, and examine them, scrutinise them, and find out what is at their root.
Why - or what, prompts you to respond in the way you do?
It's a want, a desire, a need.
Find the basis of these, and things may well improve.
Based on what you say about your background, I hope you won't rule out the possibility of visiting some sort of counselor. The death of a parent has far-reaching effects and opening up to those effects is important. I don't suggest counseling as a substitute for Buddhism any more than I would suggest Buddhism as a substitute for counseling. Both represent ways of being honestly at peace in your life. Basically, we're all trying to get our heads screwed on straight, but in order to do that, we all have to be more honest than we might like. Buddhism can help. Counseling can help.
It's your life. Gently, but firmly, take care of it.
Best wishes.
Give yourself a break.
Try getting some books from the library. There are a lot of really good ones for Westerners. I recommend The Joy of Living by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, to start. Pema Chodron is also very good.
Best wishes.
I will do some reading probably on the Eight fold path, when I get the chance.
Thanks
I have been thinking about your points a lot.
I realize that humans have the ability to change the way they interpret events in their lives, and as a result influence the feelings/emotions they experience when dealing with perceived success/failures or any other situation.
I think its amazing that we have this amount of control over our mind even though a lot of people tend to over look it. I hope I can determine my problems and implement the necessary changes.
When I ask myself, "Why do I feel what I feel?", "Why do I perceive the way I perceive?", and "Why do I react the way I react?", I can not answer with absolute certainty. However this is where I'm currently at...
*Note: I'm not formally educated on any of these topics so be aware that I just guessing...probably way off.*
I feel/interpret/and react the way I do possibly because I have lived most of my life this way and it has become a habit. However since I'm now somewhat aware I think this is largely due to egoic(?) motivations. Something to do with who you think you are and the thoughts/emotions you identify with to create that perception. Subconsciously I think this is the factor that tends to keep me where I'm at because, without it I don't know who I am and how I fit into the world:-/. I don't know who I am anyways and perhaps this is not necessarily a bad thing.:)
Basically its the attachment with those memories(subjective interpretation of past events) that continues the cycle, if you derive your identity from it. Its also the fear of loosing that identity that may be what keep people(myself included) from changing.
I think a change I can make is to be aware of when bias (from the past) is influencing my perception, to accept that its there but not take it too seriously, and with time and some effort the bias may diminish.
This is what I think is at the root.
Hopefully this wasn't too ridiculous/convoluted but if there is any truth with what I wrote, this may be a good first step.
Thanks
Thanks
I’m almost glad that there isn’t a cookie-cutter answer, I wouldn’t learn anything if there was.
I defiantly have not ruled out seeing a counsellor, I think it could be very beneficial.
The death of my Father was without question the hardest thing I have ever tried to deal with. He was very important, and since his death was self inflicted I don’t know what to think at times. I am very thankful for the fourteen years I was able to spend with him.
If I ever feel I need to talk with someone I may go and My Mother and Brother would probably come along too.
Until then I’ll keep trying to get my head on straight.
"It's your life. Gently, but firmly, take care of it." I like this line:)
Thanks
I will check those out
Thanks