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Repenting for past transgressions

Invincible_summerInvincible_summer Heavy Metal DhammaWe(s)t coast, Canada Veteran
edited December 2010 in Buddhism Basics
I used to be a very angry person in the past and hurt quite a few people through words and discrimination.

I'm a different person now and the guilt of my past bigotry lingers in the back of my mind.

Would it be skilllful to seek out (i.e. Facebook message) the people whom I have hurt in the past and apologize? I feel like it may be a good thing to do, but it may also have unintended consequences.


Should I just let go and hope that they have let go as well? I just don't want to run into them one day and the people thinking that I'm still the asshole I used to be 4-6 years ago.

Comments

  • CloudCloud Veteran
    edited December 2010
    How is apologizing ever a non-skillful thing to do? :) Yes, you should. People hold grudges forever, and one little apology can wipe the slate clean if enough time has already gone by (in some cases).
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
    edited December 2010
    If you apologize without expectations, I think the unintended consequences will no longer be your concern.
  • SherabDorjeSherabDorje
    edited December 2010
    As long as it causes no additional harm.
  • JasonJason God Emperor Arrakis Moderator
    edited December 2010
    Invincible_summer wrote: »
    I used to be a very angry person in the past and hurt quite a few people through words and discrimination.

    I'm a different person now and the guilt of my past bigotry lingers in the back of my mind.

    Would it be skilllful to seek out (i.e. Facebook message) the people whom I have hurt in the past and apologize? I feel like it may be a good thing to do, but it may also have unintended consequences.


    Should I just let go and hope that they have let go as well? I just don't want to run into them one day and the people thinking that I'm still the asshole I used to be 4-6 years ago.

    It may be helpful. I did the same thing a few years back and actually repaired some old friendships, which made me feel good about doing it. That said, I also got the cold shoulder from others who may very well never forgive me, and that definitely hurts. I guess there are some things that an apology just can't fix.

    So if you do decide to do it, make sure you're mentally prepared for people not accepting your apology and try to forgive yourself instead.
  • andyrobynandyrobyn Veteran
    edited December 2010
    My understanding in these situations is influenced a lot by the sentiment of the 5th step of 12 step practice - my first and a very valuable introduction to the practice of enacting apologies and using tools to bring improvement to our lives - being willing to make amends to all people we have harmed as far as possible as long as to do so does not harm them or others ... and generally can see that, as genkaku writes above it is best approached with not being about the outcome ( ie. it is in the action )
  • NobodyNobody
    Atonement comes in different packages. Apologizing is only one of many.

    Hope this helps.
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