Help me let go of myself..

TheFound

Heheh... :d
I mean ....
I'm trying to understand what exactly I am or am not..
I thought by now I'd have it figured out.. but more and more I catch myself looking outside into the gentle snowy outdoors...and I get this idea that I'm not real...or I'm really actually empty inside...and it's kind of depressing..I still fear death.. and I'd like to get to the point where I DO NOT fear death..

I figure if I could discern exactly what happens in detail upon death I'd attain a freedom of some sort..I'll meditate on it but it's kind of uncomfortable to get close to dying..

ShiftPlusOne

Death meditation sounds like a great start. However you're not going to get any detail of anything that happens upon your death... ever.

SherabDorje

Have you considered The Tibetan Book of the Dead? I have never actually read it, and it might be kind of ponderous, but I think (maybe) there was a PBS documentary (or some sort of documentary) film on it also. I do not endorse P2P file downloading, and I don't know if it's available.

I realize that this is a "blind faith" thing for me, but I think (believe) that some of the Tibetan masters were accomplished enough that it's probably close to correct.

I think only highly accomplished masters do not fear death anyway. The rest of us do. Having been a nurse for a long time, I have met people with terminal illnesses that were in truly angelic states of acceptance, but that doesn't solve the immediate issue for either you or me.

whiterabbit

Perhaps instead of meditating upon death itself, you should meditate on Feeling, Fear, or Clinging. These three things are at the root of the fear of or obcession with death. You could also meditate upon Emptiness and the fact that death possesses a character of emptiness, as do you.

The idea that you are "not real" and are "empty inside" and this is depressing, I think, sounds like you are bordering dangerously on nihilism and a misunderstanding of the true nature of emptiness.

Cloud

Think about what you were before you were born.

That's all. Keep thinking until you understand. There's nothing to fear except ignorance.

genkaku

Here's a Zen story about fearing death:

Stingy in Teaching

A young physician in Tokyo named Kusuda met a college friend who had been studying Zen. The young doctor asked him what Zen was.

"I cannot tell you what it is," the friend replied, "but one thing is certain. If you understand Zen, you will not be afraid to die."

"That's fine," said Kusuda. "I will try it. Where can I find a teacher?"

"Go to the master Nan-in," the friend told him.

So Kusuda went to call on Nan-in. He carried a dagger nine and a half inches long to determine whether or not the teacher was afraid to die.

When Nan-in saw Kusuda he exclaimed: "Hello, friend. How are you? We haven't seen each other for a long time!"

This perplexed Kusuda, who replied: "We have never met before."

"That's right," answered Nan-in. "I mistook you for another physician who is receiving instruction here."

With such a beginning, Kusuda lost his chance to test the master, so reluctantly he asked if he might receive Zen instruction.

Nan-in said: "Zen is not a difficult task. If you are a physician, treat you patients with kindness. That is Zen."

Kusuda visited Nan-in three times. Each time Nan-in told him the same thing. "A physician should not waste time around here. Go home and take care of you patients."

It was not yet clear to Kusuda how such teaching could remove the fear of death. So on his fourth visit he complained: "My friend told me when one learns Zen one loses the fear of death. Each time I come here all you tell me is to take care of my patients. I know that much. If that is your so-called Zen, I am not going to visit you any more."

Nan-in smiled and patted the doctor. "I have been too strict with you. Let me give you a koan." He presented Kusuda with Joshu's Mu to work over, which is the first mind enlightening problem in the book called The Gateless Gate.

Kusuda pondered this problem of Mu (No-Thing) for two years. At length he thought he had reached certainty of mind. But his teacher commented: "You are not in yet."

Kusuda continued in concentration for another year and a half. His mind became placid. Problems dissolved. No-Thing became the truth. He served his patients well and, without even knowing it, he was free from concern over life and death.

Then when he visited Nan-in, his old teacher just smiled.

From: http://www.101zenstories.com/index.php?story=toc (sorry, I don't know how to make it shorter)

[DeletedUser]

The "earth and burner" are a phenomenon in place to clear "rubbish" so that it does not stink the entire world and cause undue suffering. If you get this strong idea of not real, try pressing your nipple for some feel, if you think it is empty inside, just go to the loo for some discharge :cool:

The zen story is so enlightening :thumbsup:

footiam

Maybe it would be enough to just look at your breathing and understand it first. W

TheFound

I'm going to start a new direction on this.. check it out..

Roger

The subject of one's own death is fascinating and educational. Have fun with it but of course it MUST be extremely obvious every day, every moment and at all times: NEVER EVER act on it. (:D )