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rudeness and its effects

Comments

  • RogerRoger
    edited January 2011
    Not interesting. I thought it sucked.

    Totally kidding!!! :D

    We don't have kids so I haven't thought about that. Compare "Leave it to Beaver" school environment with today's metal detectors in schools and, wow, did I wake up. Is it _that_ bad? I guess so.

    The near complete lack of omega 3s from fish oil and too many processed foods also hitting brain development in kids makes this article's import worse.

    I love the Japanese for their formality. Why not respect everybody demonstrably? It only takes a second and it reconfirms us as human beings.

    Getting a completely unexpected if-looks-could-kill glance from the kid at the grocery checkout counter (or it's equivalent) is a cumulative downer for everyone in this culture.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    I like the first line... "Americans are rude".

    he hasn't been to, or researched the UK. Things are just as bad here (though I have heard argument that such is the influence of transatlantic communication, the UK is rapidly becoming the 51st state....).
    And when I was in Italy in October, a very good friend of my parents confided in me that the worst trait becoming commonplace in Italians was.... a lack of social, commonplace everyday manners.

    I remember seeing this definition of Courtesy, which has stayed with me:
    "A form of polite behaviour practised by civilised people when they can be bothered to find the time."

    The Dalai Lama said it very well.
    "Be Kind whenever possible.
    It is always possible."

    Substitute the word 'kind' for 'polite' and there is no loss of impact.
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    What a valuable article. Thank you, genkaku! Let's honor this article by being mindful of how we express ourselves on this site.
  • WujiWuji
    edited January 2011
    The article seems to suggest that Americans are getting rude and drawing a contrast between the 1950's Leave to Beaver to television today and making some sort of correlation.

    The first white people to come to America were very fearful and killed those they deemed savages. They were extremely racist not just against black folk but, even families like mine, the dreaded Irish. The feared the British, feared the natives, feared taxes, feared each other, and clung to their guns. I believe the only thing that ever really united Americans somewhat was war. Leave it to Beaver of course came after a brutal savage war and people needed shows like this to believe everything was ok again.

    I've been all over Europe and to over 30 of the states in the US. I have met some very nice people and very rude people on both continents. Where I live in Austin, TX. everyone is super friendly, talks to strangers, seem anti-racist, pro women's rights, accepting of gays, etc. I'd say in fact it is the most open, nice, non-rude and accepting place I have ever been. Perhaps in Japan people have manners but, if that is a facade and they aren't generally nice and accepting behind your back which world would you rather live in?

    I personally only watch the science channel, history channel, and a few shows like Lost or Dexter. On those shows I really don't see people being all that rude to each other. I think the strict formalized behaviours the author talks about are masking something dark. I'd rather know what a person thinks and see the darkness than have them only be nice to my face. I totally agree with what the author says about developmental psychology but, I don't correlate that to manners. You don't need strict manners to raise children properly and do the right thing.
  • RogerRoger
    edited January 2011
    I unintentionally cut in front of someone in a ferry line. Later they find me on the boat and start cursing me BIG TIME. I earnestly say the truth, "I'm sorry, I did not see and did not intend to cut in front of you!" They immediately backed off and apologized - which was expected in a way. They felt embarrassed.

    Perhaps that means the rudeness and anger are only ways of coping the person has learned well - which the person uses unknowingly.

    Makes me think a few classes in coping skills, politeness, conflict resolution should be REQUIRED for high schoolers. Maybe that classroom training would counteract the "neurotransmitter" problem mentioned in the article.

    Don't let students graduate unless they pass those classes!
  • kaytekayte
    genkaku- Thanks for posting the article. This is a very complex problem that is having a serious effect on our (I'm only familiar with American) society. I was raised in a dysfunctional family and my mother had a severe personality disorder. I can tell you that this most certainly does have a traumatic effect on the child that can last for their lifetime.

    Here are a few clips that describe the chemical reactions in the brain and cells:

    Caution- some language and sexual content





  • VangelisVangelis
    I like the first line... "Americans are rude".

    he hasn't been to, or researched the UK.
    By far the rudest people I have come across are the Athenians. Mind you, that might be just my perception due to many generations of rivalry between the Spartans and the Athenians but nah... they're just rude!!!
  • [DeletedUser][DeletedUser]
    It should not be generalised. Besides, some may be expressing their love differently :dunce:
  • kaytekayte
    It should not be generalised. Besides, some may be expressing their love differently :dunce:
    Are you questioning the severity of the problem?
    Expressing their love differently? Really? I'm flummoxed. :wtf:
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    Kayte, I think it's possible (though by no means certain!) that wilfred means that some people are Emotionally stunted, and only have a limited means of expressing themselves.
    I actually remember the son of a family (he was around 2 or 3 at the time) who knew how to tussle on the floor and play fight (although he became far too rough sometimes) but the moment you picked him up for a cuddle, would resist it with all his might. On people's laps, he just sat hunched, avoiding as much contact with that person as possible... he really was completely incapable of either giving or receiving affection, physically. It was completely alien to him. But he was a little thug and a tearaway. Goodness only knows whatever became of him, but one thing (if matters didn't change) is for sure: things didn't go well. His upbringing was completely dysfunctional and distorted....The only way he could express himself was through excessive energetic destructive behaviour. Tragic.
  • kaytekayte
    Kayte, I think it's possible (though by no means certain!) that wilfred means that some people are Emotionally stunted, and only have a limited means of expressing themselves.
    I actually remember the son of a family (he was around 2 or 3 at the time) who knew how to tussle on the floor and play fight (although he became far too rough sometimes) but the moment you picked him up for a cuddle, would resist it with all his might. On people's laps, he just sat hunched, avoiding as much contact with that person as possible... he really was completely incapable of either giving or receiving affection, physically. It was completely alien to him. But he was a little thug and a tearaway. Goodness only knows whatever became of him, but one thing (if matters didn't change) is for sure: things didn't go well. His upbringing was completely dysfunctional and distorted....The only way he could express himself was through excessive energetic destructive behaviour. Tragic.
    frederica, That's the trouble with short one line responses, it leaves too much open for interpretation. I don't know what wilfred's personal feelings are on the subject, so it could be as you say it is.

    I'm sorry to hear about your friend's son. I don't want to pry into people's privacy, but what was his diagnosis? It sounds like a type of autism. There are so many factors that are causing chemical changes in the brain. There are also many factors that are contributing to society's deterioration. Some children have to endure both. If there is not an effective support system in place- there is very little hope. If, we, as a society do nothing,then the negative trend continues to deteriorate. We can ignore it- but at what price? This is only on part of the problem.





  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    His diagnosis was that he had dysfunctional parents. His father looked upon him as a real boy/man, and constantly poked and prodded him to 'toughen him up' in preparation for 'real life hard knocks'. His father's idea of affection was to play-fight with him, but he was rough with the little lad, often causing him to cry, lose his temper and lash out.
    His mother tried to intervene, but only half-heartedly, and dismissed it all as "well, boys will be boys, and men never grow up, do they?"
    He would sit on his mother's lap, and she would hold him there, but in not an overly affectionate way...she just....held him, because he was on her lap. But on anyone else's lap, he'd freeze up and withdraw....
    There was nothing medically diagnosable, because it wasn't a medical problem. He was just the product of two people who did not merit the title 'mum and dad'. Any idiot can be a parent, unfortunately.....
  • kaytekayte
    His diagnosis was that he had dysfunctional parents. His father looked upon him as a real boy/man, and constantly poked and prodded him to 'toughen him up' in preparation for 'real life hard knocks'. His father's idea of affection was to play-fight with him, but he was rough with the little lad, often causing him to cry, lose his temper and lash out.
    His mother tried to intervene, but only half-heartedly, and dismissed it all as "well, boys will be boys, and men never grow up, do they?"
    He would sit on his mother's lap, and she would hold him there, but in not an overly affectionate way...she just....held him, because he was on her lap. But on anyone else's lap, he'd freeze up and withdraw....
    There was nothing medically diagnosable, because it wasn't a medical problem. He was just the product of two people who did not merit the title 'mum and dad'. Any idiot can be a parent, unfortunately.....
    How awful! It sounds like people who train a dog to be vicious. I'm sorry, but to me, that's child abuse.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    I couldn't agree more, I am totally with you there. I was not in a position myself to effect any change or prevention, because I was barely out of childhood myself.... I didn't have a clue what to do about it, and had no idea there would have been anything I could have done anyway.
    I'm in my 50's now, I was around 16 when I witnessed this.
    What we know and recognise to be abusive now, may not have been perceived in the same light, then.
    Though as you say, it undoubtedly was.
  • kaytekayte
    I couldn't agree more, I am totally with you there. I was not in a position myself to effect any change or prevention, because I was barely out of childhood myself.... I didn't have a clue what to do about it, and had no idea there would have been anything I could have done anyway.
    I'm in my 50's now, I was around 16 when I witnessed this.
    What we know and recognise to be abusive now, may not have been perceived in the same light, then.
    Though as you say, it undoubtedly was.
    We're from the same generation. It's true- people didn't have the level of awareness like we do now. It's a shame that the boy was not allowed to develop into a the person he might have been. Who knows, he could have still been troubled or he could have been a happier, more productive person.


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