Does mindfulness or Buddhism ever make you feel tied down?

blulotus29

Like I always feel like I have to be watching my thoughts etc and sometimes I think that if I didn't practice Buddhism and worry about stuff I could be free and not have to think about stuff like non attachment etc and be happier? Also it seems that Buddhism is against the idea of being able to be in a relationship and love someone. Isn't it normal that we want people to love us back, etc? Any thoughts?

buddhajunkie

after reading some of your threads I wonder: Why you are interested in Buddhism?

I ask this because it seems that the reason is other than ending suffering. I could be wrong. Let us know, and perhaps we can give better answers.

shanyin

I sort of developed a - I'll call it thought obsession with Buddhism and I sooooort of know what you mean.

The teachings of the Buddha work if you act on them.

Keep it simple, as someones teacher on here as said, the 5 (precepts) the 4 (noble thruths) the 8 (fold path)

Think about what buddhajunkie said... try and answer it. The Buddha taught suffering and the end of suffering, that is all.

Glow

As buddhajunkie noted, this usually happens if you're not approaching Buddhism with the right goals in mind. Whenever you're having reservations about the practice -- e.g., you feel it's diminishing the quality of your life, rather than improving it -- my experience says to trust your instincts. For me, it usually is a sign that I've misunderstood the teachings or it has been explained to me inadequately.

It may help to see Buddhism in its historical and social context. Buddhism is a religion that has historically had a monastic focus. One reason for this is that spirituality in India at the time of the Buddha was largely a renunciant culture where people would abandon their home lives to devote themselves completely to spiritual liberation. As such, romantic relationships are devalued in many teachings of Buddhism. If you read the Pali canon (the oldest surviving records of the Buddha's teaching in an Indian language, and probably as close as one can get to knowing what he taught), you'll find that the Buddha didn't really concern himself with laypeople; in fact, he gave them relatively simple instruction. His really transformative teachings were aimed at fellow renunciants.

For this reason, as modern-day lay practitioners, we need to figure out for ourselves to what extent the Buddha's teachings are relevant to us in helping us to alleviate our suffering. The Buddha's philosophy was couched in terms of a worldview in which humans were trapped in a neverending cycle of rebirths (samsara). His teachings have a very urgent tone to them because of this. However, most newcomers to Buddhism aren't inclined to agree with this particular worldview. As such, we need to approach the teaching with our own purposes in mind: do you believe in literal samsara and desiring to liberate yourself from an endless cycle of rebirth? Or are you simply trying to find ways to live a more skillful life?

I'm guessing it's the latter. If this is true, the Buddha's more austere teachings may not be relevant and you need not obsess over them. There's plenty to be gained as a lay practitioner anyway. I read your other post about feeling like you're losing your mind. It sounds like a good place to start would be cultivating self-compassion. One good resource is Dr. Christopher K. Germer's book The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion, which incorporates a Buddhist approach to alleviating self-hatred with modern-day psychology, and explains it in very easy-to-understand terms. It's a book that I've found very helpful in bringing Buddhism down to the "kitchen sink level."

Lostie

On the contrary, with no attachment to outcome, you are in fact more free to do the things you always want to do and do it good.

Like I always feel like I have to be watching my thoughts etc and sometimes I think that if I didn't practice Buddhism and worry about stuff I could be free and not have to think about stuff like non attachment etc and be happier? Also it seems that Buddhism is against the idea of being able to be in a relationship and love someone. Isn't it normal that we want people to love us back, etc? Any thoughts?

bodhipunk

Like I always feel like I have to be watching my thoughts etc and sometimes I think that if I didn't practice Buddhism and worry about stuff I could be free and not have to think about stuff like non attachment etc and be happier? Also it seems that Buddhism is against the idea of being able to be in a relationship and love someone. Isn't it normal that we want people to love us back, etc? Any thoughts?

I agree with others that you should consider more study, such as from here, as you appear to have many misconceptions which are surprisingly quite common. I am in a loving relationship, and have been a practicing Buddhist for years. In fact, it is exactly by watching my thoughts, intentions, and actions which has helped me develop myself and become happier than I've ever been. Of course it is normal to love. Doesn't the Dhammapada say something along the lines that an eternal law is that hatred does not cease by hatred, but by love (metta) alone?

shanyin

Just a thought, sex and relationships are natural, Buddha praised love, and the dharma isn't some fundamentalism.

shanyin

I think.

federica

I'm sorry, but I always say, if you have a negative attitude whilst practising Buddhism, then something is wrong with your practice.

Ada_B

Oh no, I find Buddhism is about working with myself as I am. It's working with the grain, not against.

If I ever I find myself struggling, it's invariably because I've got the wrong end of the stick somehow. I went through a phase of finding meditation a horrible battle. But then I got ill, and because I was weak and tired and kept falling asleep in meditation. Being so fatigued, I simply could not keep up the mental fighting in meditation and gradually learned a more calm, relaxed awareness.

All of a sudden, I started finding meditation a pleasant, relaxing experience because I learned to let go. Strange how it can be so difficult to learn not to fight yourself. And I still doze a bit in meditation, but I just concern myself wit the bits where I'm not dozing and if dozing happens, so be it.

I think acceptance is a big part of Buddhism - accepting the reality of who you are.

I also think of HH Dalai Lamas words "My religion is happiness" and my teacher who said (paraphrased) "If your Buddhism is making you miserable, you're doing it wrong!"

Epicurus

The problem is you are trying to practice Buddhism. Instead of trying to see WHY it's good for you specifically. If you haven't recognized merits to its philosophy how can you practice it?

SIRInity

I think you are partially on the right track. You are trying to be aware and mindful (so that's a good start) but you also have to remember that there's no right or wrong thoughts - it is about acknowledging that you had those thoughts (aware) and then you just have to let it go. Just watch them come and go in your head - it's a practice. You should not have to feel tied down or guilty or anything because that might be a reason why you're feeling unhappy.

Remember one of the most important things is to try to not cling! Clinging to good or bad is still clinging. Walk the middle path and accept life and yourself. You can still love but not attach.

As far as loving relationships, Buddha never was against it. More details later.

Happy journey!

blulotus29

As buddhajunkie noted, this usually happens if you're not approaching Buddhism with the right goals in mind. Whenever you're having reservations about the practice -- e.g., you feel it's diminishing the quality of your life, rather than improving it -- my experience says to trust your instincts. For me, it usually is a sign that I've misunderstood the teachings or it has been explained to me inadequately.

It may help to see Buddhism in its historical and social context. Buddhism is a religion that has historically had a monastic focus. One reason for this is that spirituality in India at the time of the Buddha was largely a renunciant culture where people would abandon their home lives to devote themselves completely to spiritual liberation. As such, romantic relationships are devalued in many teachings of Buddhism. If you read the Pali canon (the oldest surviving records of the Buddha's teaching in an Indian language, and probably as close as one can get to knowing what he taught), you'll find that the Buddha didn't really concern himself with laypeople; in fact, he gave them relatively simple instruction. His really transformative teachings were aimed at fellow renunciants.

For this reason, as modern-day lay practitioners, we need to figure out for ourselves to what extent the Buddha's teachings are relevant to us in helping us to alleviate our suffering. The Buddha's philosophy was couched in terms of a worldview in which humans were trapped in a neverending cycle of rebirths (samsara). His teachings have a very urgent tone to them because of this. However, most newcomers to Buddhism aren't inclined to agree with this particular worldview. As such, we need to approach the teaching with our own purposes in mind: do you believe in literal samsara and desiring to liberate yourself from an endless cycle of rebirth? Or are you simply trying to find ways to live a more skillful life?

I'm guessing it's the latter. If this is true, the Buddha's more austere teachings may not be relevant and you need not obsess over them. There's plenty to be gained as a lay practitioner anyway. I read your other post about feeling like you're losing your mind. It sounds like a good place to start would be cultivating self-compassion. One good resource is Dr. Christopher K. Germer's book The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion, which incorporates a Buddhist approach to alleviating self-hatred with modern-day psychology, and explains it in very easy-to-understand terms. It's a book that I've found very helpful in bringing Buddhism down to the "kitchen sink level."

Thank you very much this was very helpful.

aHappyNihilist

mindfulness isn't about suppressing thoughts. it's about suppressing nothing and letting everything exist simultaneously, your feelings, thoughts, emotions, whatever. It is about feeling them without attaching to them or identifying with them.

TheJourney

Buddhism shouldn't negatively affect your life in any way. It may if you are a "fundamentalist buddhist." Don't be a fundamentalist. It goes against the whole point. Use buddhism to HELP your life. Don't make it some sort of law as if there's some god watching and judging you.

compassionate_warrior

Read the "Is It Ever Skillful To Enter Into A Romantic Relationship" thread. Someone quotes the Buddha extensively on relationships.

Mindfullness is a great tool. But if it somehow feels like a burden, skip it, and study the 4 Noble Truths and Eightfold Path. As a beginner you can choose the elements you want to have in your elementary practice. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

Glow

Thank you very much this was very helpful.

Glad I could help. Let me know if you have other questions, or look into Germer's book.