Mother depressed

shanyin

Hello. I just noticed there's a thread on depression, I'll take a look.

I got an offer to move out of my parents house, 3000 miles away. I am the youngest child, the only one left in the house. I let my mother know there's a good chance I'm going to take the opportunity. She said I don't see it happening. The next day (today) I asked her why she said that and she said it's because I'm her last child. Then she put her hands on her face and borderline started crying, so she really doesn't want me to go. I didn't know how to react because I'm messed up that way. I gave her a hug, and she went on to say she 'keeps getting depressed'. She's been depressed before. She's a super pleasant lady and she makes me happy. She's in her late 50's and she's a great person and deserves to have happy golden years. She went on to say she keeps going into a dark hole. And that she believes it's all a medical problem and would be more than willing to take medication. I realize medication could have it's benefits yada yada yada but I'm skeptical about alot of things about it as a solution <--- to depression.

Basically, I want to get my mother to start practicing daily meditation. She's read the power of now by Eckhart Tolle, she says she loves him. I told her she should start practicing daily meditation. She asked how long it takes for it to help. I said I think it depends on the person, my estimate is 3 weeks or so. Personally it took me less but I think that's because I meditated in my previous life. I said that I'm no meditation teacher, I can't even teach her how to do it, don't worry about why.

Basically, are there any books with great instruction <---- on how to meditate and how to get started? How long do you think it could take before she feels effects? There are no meditation teachers in here. I have ALOT of faith in meditation, when I was practicing every day and had a some skill in it it made me happier than anything. It put the choice to suffer clearly in front of me.

Books? Advice on how to open her mind to it? Any other advice on dealing with depression? I know mindfulness could help, but havn't been practicing minfuless and don't remember how to explain it to her. Any other advice?

She's the kinda lady when you know her you want her to be enlightened and beyond.

aHappyNihilist

Is she a full-fledged Buddhist? I'd suggest you try to get her to become one if she isn't. That would doubtless help her a lot. Maybe this is just with me but, I've always found I can't teach my mom anything, she has to hear it from someone else. I'd say find some scientific article about how buddhist are actually really really happy, then find a really good beginner dharma talk, then maybe get her to read a book and start meditating once she really wants to embrace buddhism.

shanyin

If I could make my mother a full fledge Buddhist, I would die happy. (she is not a full fledged Buddhist, but she says she likes it) I think we both understand what the path leads to, even though I myself havn't been the happiest or skillful person for the last long while. The main difficulty I will have with that I think is my ability to use words (lack of ability)... I think that I would just end up saying that meditations is good, it can help, and such and that Buddhism is great, and I think her views of Buddhism might and even religion makes her skeptical or something. That takes me to your suggestion, 1. scientific articles, one that comes to mind I have read one in the national geographic that proved that one buddhist monk was "quantifiably the happiest person" in the world which may not be true (probably happier people out there, not the evidence) but we get the point. They proved it through brain scans.

If you or anyone else knows of any other scientific articles like this, please mention.

2. Begginer Dharma talk, I've heard a few ones that really ... ummm... I'll say are straight forward, wise, opens one to Buddhist teachings in a logical way, and I'll try to re-find them. Again if any one else knows about one I'd like to know and would appreciate it.

and books also..

Thanks for the good idea. I'll be hard and I don't know what the chances are.

bodhipunk

Your mother is having trouble dealing with her attachment to her kids, which is perfectly natural. This is probably because she has a big heart and doesn't want to let go due to a fear of losing her youngest child, especially if you move 3000 miles away. However, she has to understand that she helped raise you, and her hard work is finally coming into fruition. Let her know that whatever may happen, she will not lose her youngest child.

I live a long, long way away from my mother but we still keep in touch. She has not lost me. Also, my father was in the military so our family has done a lot of traveling. He didn't see his mother for years at a time, but now that she is constantly going in and out of the hospital he moved to be closer to her.

There are various resources on meditation and depression, including articles such as this and this. Some books you could check out include The Mindful Way through Depression and The Zen Path Through Depression.

Dazzle

Hi Shanyin,

It's natural for mothers to get depressed when their children grow up and leave the nest. Don't try to make your mother a Buddhist unless she shows an interest in finding out more about Buddhism - if fact don't try to 'make' her anything, just appreciate her the way she is. If you leave home then make sure you keep in regular contact with her.

If she does show some interest, you might like to listen to some of Ajahn Sumedho's excellent Dhamma talks together.

http://dhammatalks.org.uk/index.php?id=11&search=author:"Sumedho"

Regarding meditation, its worth trying this series:




With kind wishes,

D.

shanyin

This is the one I was thinking of, thanks, I'll think about what you said.