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What is sexual misconduct?
footiam
Veteran
One of the Buddhist precepts for layman is 'I undertake the training rule to abstain from sexual misconduct'. What exactly is sexual misconduct? Is it sex between people of the same sex or is it between people of different sex who are not married or what?
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It might also help you to read this link.
What @federica said is entirely applicable; no force or coercion. If society deems it appropriate sexual conduct, it's usually so (i.e. in America it's not inappropriate to have sex outside of a committed relationship; in some cultures this is deemed inappropriate).
I didn’t know Buddha said that- that his real truth would be hard to believe, and that many would doubt. It would be great if you could fill in that real truth or did he not speak about it?
Dear federica,
I like your intepretion. I suppose it is all right to see a prostitute then.
Dear havamar,
Doggy style is for the dogs?
Dear Cloud,
Social norm is very subjective. Western and Eastern social norm may be different.
and about your comment to cloud, you're right. That's what I'm saying about it being subjective. There is no objective "right," or objective anything for that matter. It's all subjective. That doesn't mean that it's not important to be trying to do the right thing, I mean that's all up to you. I'm just saying it can never be the objective truth or right thing or wrong thing.
It's not about anything other than wilful intent and motive.
Sometimes, however humorous we feel a comment might be, we have to stop to think what the OP is requesting.
I'm all for humour, but it's impossible to understand the motive of the OP, so it's best to show discretion.
My reasoning?
For the record:
On another forum, somebody posted this question some time ago.
It turned out she was being abused by an older relative, who was trying to convince her this was not only normal, but right.
This only cane to light two "pages" into the thread.
Much prior flippancy only served to confused the poor young lady further.
I may appear to many to be heavy-handed, but as I have explained, my concern when I moderate is for the safety, peace of mind and security of members.
If you feel this is 'heavy-handed' then naturally, you have a right to your opinion.
I have to sometimes think beyond the obvious, and "outside the box."
Since everything is so subjective, do you suppose when we are in Rome, we should do what the Romans do and when we are elsewhere, we should do things in a different way altogether?
Dear Cloud ,
That could only mean that our action is appropriate at one place and inappropriate in another place. Some things are just not universal!
Dear havamar,
You mean to say that there is no freedom of speech here?
But not freedom from responsibility.
we can never know who we will hurt & how actually vulnerable a person may be
from the perspective of dukkha, two people agreeing to sex does not necessarily exclude it from misconduct, if it leads to dukkha
Even sexual conduct, where the precept is not broken, is dukkha.
But that wasn't the question.
The question was "What is sexual Misconduct?"
So it is not a question of knowing the mind of another, DD. It's a question of knowing our own.
misconduct is defined to mitigate serious dukkha
the precept against adultery is not to maintain good social impressions
it is to prevent heavy dukkha
when we are in a relationship, like marriage, we have the opportunity to develop virtues & nurture
so when our partner, say dies, we have good things to look back on, despite the dukkha
but some sexual activities basically only sow dukkha, only weeds (rather than both flowers & weeds)
K.I.S.S.
sensual pleasures don't beget suffering, it is attachment to them that does.
Back to the main topic: what about the detailed sexual misconduct rules worked out by later commentators after the BUddha, the ones that say things like, no oral sex, no masturbation, no sex during daytime, and all that? I take it people ignore those?
well, that depends....
is it voluntary abstention/celibacy, or enforced by circumstance?
Do you care if you're "not getting any"?
Why don't you go get some, from a FwB, or someone whom you can pay?
If you miss it, that is?
But if there is one group sharply and painfully aware of the dangers of STD's it's professional prostitutes. I personally know four, to be precise, and they are absolutely fastidious to the point of being manic about protection.
before getting all feisty and defensive, (and I can't see why you did, tbh) I would respectfully suggest you widen your research.
Looks as though you give people too much credit with the choices they actually have, perhaps pigeonholing a lot of people -ie women- as rational market research types with questionairres and a bunch of tick boxes. You wouldn't really know what or how people think, except to project what you think they would think (in this case, to your detriment). I guess pessimism is a sort of 'shoot yourself in the foot' philosophy, similar to masochism but without the glint of delight.
Anyway everyone has a choice, in terms of the attributes mentioned, but where's the alternative? You mentioned you're ONLy interested in this sub-type? Where is this myterious creature to which you refer?
edit first post on the 'vanilla' forum