Dealing with and preventing self-disappointment.

Bodhgaya

Today, I 'misplaced' my mobile phone. Now, it isn't that big of a deal, but I just happened to think someone took it- that was where I got angry. I started to get angry and snappy with people who were trying to help, and after it was over and I calmed down and dealt with it, I felt guilty for getting upset and letting the anger become physically noticeable.

I do that sometimes when I get frustrated with other things, is there and advice on how not to get worked up and let it spill out? Or how to not let my thoughts become mean when I think someone has wronged me? I can think some unkind things sometimes, and I don't enjoy it.
Meditation, prehaps? But on what.

Thanks!

Wednesday

Yes, I believe if someone took my phone I would be mad as well.

genkaku

Noticing is half the battle. Noticing and then noticing again. Once you were cranky, then you were not, then you were again, then you were not ... etc. Welcome to the human race. Some people never notice, so you are probably ahead of the curve.

Meditation described from one point of view is a kind of formal noticing -- an attention to things as they are now and now and now and now. It's a good practice and it builds strength.

In Zen, there is sometimes a focus on the breath. Just watch the breath as it comes and goes or count exhalations in the mind ... from one to ten and begin again. Here is a pretty good description of how to do Zen meditation: http://mro.org/zmm/teachings/meditation.php

Good luck and best wishes.

Bodhgaya

Thanks!

It's understandable to feel angry, but I just don't like letting it affect me, to where I snap at undeserving people.

Dakini

Yes, I believe if someone took my phone I would be mad as well.

Yes, but he said that in fact, no one took his phone. it was all in his mind. good lesson.
Bodhgaya, haven't we dealt with anger in another thread of yours? Be mindful of when it arises, and how often it arises, and practice letting it go as soon as you notice it beginning. And remind yourself that sometimes we jump to conclusions, and get ourselves upset over imaginary stuff.

Might there be underlying issues causing the anger? maybe take a look at those.
Best wishes

TreeLuvr87

This is exactly what brought me to Buddhism. I didn't mind so much that I had the anger, but I found myself increasingly less able to manage how I treated others when experiencing anger or other negative experiences.

I've been meditating and studying for almost a year and can gratefully say that I am much more in control of how I react to my experiences, and I am finding a great improvement in the way I treat my friends and family. Don't expect any quick fixes. I still slip up and have to apologize. I just continue to walk this path because so far it's taking me in a direction that feels right.

Bodhgaya

Actually, I'm not sure if I just lost it or someone did take my phone.
Some folks came over that my step sibling knows, and then it was gone. So either they took it, or I misplaced it very gravely.

And thanks for the encouragement. I should meditate more often!

LebronsHeat

I hate when I lose things and I'm left wondering if someone stole it...just be rational and not overly paranoid, is all I can say.

Bodhgaya

I'm being rational. It was one place until someone came by and then it was gone.
I don't want to accuse anyone, but if the people did steal it, I wouldn't doubt it. But if they didn't, I wouldn't doubt it.

LebronsHeat

I'm being rational. It was one place until someone came by and then it was gone.
I don't want to accuse anyone, but if the people did steal it, I wouldn't doubt it. But if they didn't, I wouldn't doubt it.

Exactly. You gotta be open to the fact that anything could happen. If you know it, you know it. That's all.

Bodhgaya

I suppose you're right.
I'm trying to find it at home and outside, it has some tracking thing.
My mother would rather waste money and buy another than let me look for it. And gets mad because I want to look.
I cursed at her under my breathe, she heard.
Amazing, all of the other times where she can't hear a thing, she hears that.
Hah, I just get agitated when she acts so.. belhasd;lkjf.

Bodhgaya

someone did take it.

fivebells

From a practice perspective, that's the best outcome. It would be very productive, from a practice perspective, to cultivate metta for your feelings of anger towards the person who took it, then metta for the person per se.

Bodhgaya

Oh, I said it was all right.
I got it back, I think I was angry mainly for another reason, but still angry because someone had taken it.

Cloud

@Bodhgaya, Meditate on the transiency or impermanence of everything in your life. You never know what tomorrow might bring, or even the next moment. Consider that the phone is not you, should not be responsible for your happiness, and that you are whole without it. It was only ever a temporary attachment, and in having that attachment the seeds of dukkha were planted, and ripened into anger...

Consider that if someone stole your phone, they have undertaken the unwholesome karma of theft, and will have this guilt for a long time. That they may be in a bad place in their lives and in need of material possessions that they can not afford without turning to theft; that they too are suffering. Have compassion for them, and for yourself.

Namaste

zombiegirl

like genkaku said, noticing is half the battle. at least you can admit when your anger is misplaced, this is more than some people can do just focus on rectifying this situation each time you see it arise, it can be a great teacher.

"if at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again..."

that was from the late bodhisattva aaliyah, i do believe

lightlotus

good quote zombie girl its far too easy to quit!!