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Struggling beginner
swaydam
Veteran
I've been studying Buddhism and other texts for a while, and in a lot of ways it(my reaction to it) has made me worse off. The main thing is, its made me overly conscious of my flaws... and very suppressed.
Perhaps my problem is that I don't have a teacher. I don't know.
But, any advice? Is this common among beginners? Are some people just not of the correct temperment to follow the footsteps of the Buddha?
If any can give me any pointers, it would be appreciated.
Perhaps my problem is that I don't have a teacher. I don't know.
But, any advice? Is this common among beginners? Are some people just not of the correct temperment to follow the footsteps of the Buddha?
If any can give me any pointers, it would be appreciated.
0
Comments
I try to be careful with what I find online...
What have you read about Buddhism?
What do you think, and feel about what you've read about Buddhism?
It's good to be conscious of any flaws, would you rather you didn't know about them?
Would you rather someone not tell you you're zipper is unzipped?
Naturally, it's not pleasant to see mistakes on every side. But Buddhism isn't just a feel-good, self-help palliative. It is a tool for seeing into your own true nature, a nature that is at peace ... and probably laughing.
It may be that you could try a little meditation now and then ... just sit down, sit straight and focus the mind for 10 or 15 minutes. A pretty good description of meditation technique is here: http://mro.org/zmm/teachings/meditation.php. True, it's Zen-oriented, but the mechanics are pretty universal.
Best wishes.
See if you can be aware of your flaws without feeling guilty or depressed about them. Develop unconditional loving-kindness towards yourself. This is both a realistic and positive approach.
Metta,
Guy
I am struggling with a bit of loss of my personality, i think. In trying to be aware and mindful all the time, I don't have the novel thoughts or words that I used to. Or I start to, but then lose them by trying to be mindful instead.
I'm just sticking with it, trying not to judge anything I see in myself, and trusting that I'm getting slightly lost so that i can get better over the long haul.
Metta,
Guy
You will see by examining many different threads, that we're not all sensible, reserved, full of loving kindness or totally compassionate ourselves sometimes. Buddhism is basically dropping what doesn't work, and cultivating what does.
I'll give you a f'rinstance.
I'm a dog behaviourist.
People with dogs call me in when they perceive their dog has a behavioural problem, but there is the constant worry among owners that whatever is implemented to cure the 'problem' will change the dog's character, and turn it into a dog they no longer recognise. They don't want to alter the dog's general demeanour because they love it...
I point this out to them:
"The character your dog is manifesting now, is NOT its true character. The problem you perceive is actually the dog manifesting a certain level of stress which makes it on edge the whole time. By changing the way the dog behaves, we actually give rise to the development and presentation of the dog's TRUE character; relaxed, calm, serene and happy. "
So this 'fear' of losing who you are, is what would be called "attachment". To old habits, to mannerisms, to the mask or persona you present to others.
What you are doing is acting.
You act weird, you act funny, you act nuts, you act macho, you act swaggering bravado, you act clown.....you act.
You are acting.
But the way you're acting is not a flaw.
Up to now, you think you've been doing it right - so it's not suddenly 'wrong'. It's just a way of finding a middle ground.
Act funny, act nuts, act macho, act with swaggering bravado, if the situation calls for it.
Just act Mindfully.
Take a nano-second longer to consider your thoughts, motivation words and subsequent actions.
It might be appropriate to act in that way, at the time....
Humour is a great icebreaker, and people love to laugh.
And in some situations, acting like a wimp because you believe the alternative is a flaw, could cost you dear....
Even in matters like this, the Buddha taught a valuable lesson:
Don't have your lute strings either too loose or too tight.
Enjoy the journey.
It's only burdensome if you carry too much weight on your shoulders....
Lighten up!!
What is you current practice? Do you meditate, and if so, using what techniques? What are some of the Buddhist books you've read?
I wouldnt be too worried as long as you do things using the right techniques (ie: meditation) and not throw yourself too much into the deep end (knowledgewise). I've had a similar experience where I think my personality has drastically changed im a lot more calmer and think clearer - I also now gradually avoid the negative people.
I wouldnt say you should watch your mind but take several step backs from situations and reflect on them, dont over access your self as your changes will come through time and practice.
My Labrador dog used to jump up and lick people's faces, in the park; he used to greet other dogs so over-enthusiastically, he kept getting attacked; he used to steal food from your plate, roll in fox poop, bark incessantly and chewed through chair legs. When I took him to the vets, he would sit in the waiting room and howl like a coyote.
We had to work very hard to 'civilise' him and now he's mostly quite calm and lovely to have around. I won't say he never does those things, but I am not constantly anxious of being terminally embarrassed by him when we're out.
My own ego is much the same. I'm no longer quite so wild and hyped-up, but I think I'm more "me", happier in my own skin. At first, like the OP, I worried that I was losing something but the longer I've gone on with my practice, the less I worry about losing and the more I gain.
They say dogs are like their owners. I hope that's not true, as my dog is pretty disreputable, even now.
I notice you mentioned not having a teacher. Personally I would say having a good (face2face) Sangha is probably the most important thing, I think I picked up more from the Sangha I was involved with rather than anything else ie we all need to see Buddhism "exemplified" to get a sense of what it is about.... or coudl you try to go on a good retreat and so get exposed to the Dhama in practice that way?
Also if you need a lift in your practice or enthusiasm for Buddhism, try reading "no time to loose" by Pema Chodron I find it contains a very inspiring approach to Buddhism that fills me with "desire for the Dharma" whcih I think I recall is called "Dharma Chandra" (can anyone correct my spelling/diction here?
Cheers
Sam
Anyway this is just my experience.
Best wishes,
Abu
if it feels good, do it.
When in doubt don't.
Where and when appropriate, apologise, at the time or after.
It's fine.
but do not carry the burden of guilt around with you.
by all means,express regret.
But remorse and guilt are really to be left aside.
There is little that is constructive, in making your journey more laboured than it needs to be.
The point is regarding spontaneity and feelings of genuineness. If it feels spontaneous and genuine, it probably is. The alternative is to get into an endless spiral of questioning.
Congruence. If it feels congruent, it probably is.
I'm still extremely confused, I don't even know about what.... but like..... I just somehow have lost the ability to just flow and be intuitive. I even worried about this thread and how I couldn't get myself to respond.
I worry sometimes that I may be destined to go insane because I have such intense responses to everything and can't just "do" stuff without overanalyzing.
Sorry for being somewhat of a downer.
I guess I really need to try and engage if I'm going to solve this.... but I don't know how to describe my problem.
Perhaps the answer is in me and I should stop trying seek help. That sounds right.
But um...I want to respond to those who asked what other texts. Basically, the works of Jed Mckenna and Richard Rose. (Much other stuff too, but those have been particularly influencial on my outlook)