Imprisoned by fear

NomaDBuddha

I know, I got really annoying with my fear related problems, but these days I realised that fear is what keeps me from being myself and really makes harder for me to cope with different situations. I just want to get rid of the excess fear ( a small ammount of fear is needed for survival), and to gain a 'calmness' state, which, again, will allow me to be myself.
If you think it's about bullies and my rroma 'friends', I'll have to say no, and yes. I simply, just want the excess fear to go away...I simply feel that fear is a drawback for me...I want to escape this prison.
P.S.: I know it sounds sloppy, but, I've written this at nearly 23:33

SherabDorje

Can you tell us more about the nature of this fear? Is it just fear without an object? Is it fear of something in particular, or of nothing in particular?

Be well.

zenff

Can you tell us more about the nature of this fear? Is it just fear without an object? Is it fear of something in particular, or of nothing in particular?

Be well.

In other words:
What can you lose?

fivebells

I simply, just want the excess fear to go away...I simply feel that fear is a drawback for me...I want to escape this prison.

Sorry, Buddhist practice will not help you to get rid of the fear. It will help you to rest in the experience of it. I think.

Lostie

The fear may or may not go away. And it's OK.

I agree with 5bells. Being aware of it will let you "feel the fear and do it anyway".

Like learning to drive a car, at first, you are all nervy but through practice, the fear goes away gradually but for a few, the fear never quite go away.

I simply, just want the excess fear to go away...I simply feel that fear is a drawback for me...I want to escape this prison.

Sorry, Buddhist practice will not help you to get rid of the fear. It will help you to rest in the experience of it. I think.

DaltheJigsaw

I know, I got really annoying with my fear related problems, but these days I realised that fear is what keeps me from being myself and really makes harder for me to cope with different situations. I just want to get rid of the excess fear ( a small ammount of fear is needed for survival), and to gain a 'calmness' state, which, again, will allow me to be myself.
If you think it's about bullies and my rroma 'friends', I'll have to say no, and yes. I simply, just want the excess fear to go away...I simply feel that fear is a drawback for me...I want to escape this prison.
P.S.: I know it sounds sloppy, but, I've written this at nearly 23:33

Fear controls things being done and being in the, "moment."

DaltheJigsaw

I wonder if I cut out the news/facebook and things like that, it will cut my fear?

ravkes

Fear is simply an emotion. You create the rest..

NomaDBuddha

@Sherab Dorje : In most cases , my fear is about losing something ( my brain tells me that I kinda lose everything). But in other situations, fear is about defense, when bullies try to provoke me, my mind tells me to both run and stay to fight back. I know, this contradiction is not really helping i nthose moments.

@ zenff : Nothing , in reality. In my mind, I lose everything.
@ Fivebells : Well, yeah, but, at some point, instead of me 'dominating' my fear, it's fear dominating me.
@ Lostie : I understand. But in my case, fear isn't an emotion that I experience nearly all the time, to get used to it. Fear is something like a survival mechanism, that doesn't even help me survive at all. It just blocks mos tof my reactions.

@ Leon Basin : 1.So, fear is something that focuses my attention in the present moment ?
2. I don't know how to say this, but I don't really associate addiction with fear.

@ Ravkes : Agree with you. Now, what should I do, so I don't 'create the rest' ?

Sabre

Der NomaD

I've experienced moments of tremendous fear. Indescribable fear.

Fear comes, but it will fade away again. Be at ease with the fear, don't fight it. Fighting it will make it stronger and stronger. Fear of having fear creates even more.


Horizon in the distance,
So close but yet so far away
You shouldn't be surprised
When on arrival, the dream has flow away
And fear's not here to stay



You might also like to watch:



Love,
Sabre :vimp:

fivebells

@ Fivebells : Well, yeah, but, at some point, instead of me 'dominating' my fear, it's fear dominating me.

I understand. I have struggled with the same thing. Cultivating metta for the fear really helps.

Cornishsunrise

Enjoyed the monk's talk on fear very much , thanks for sharing .

patbb

Sorry, Buddhist practice will not help you to get rid of the fear.

A good meditation practice will allow you to change your relationship to emotions in such a way that you will be able to look at them without being moved by them.

A negative emotion cannot exist without your own reaction to it.
The result of this is when you look at the emotion with equanimity, it will vanish. On top of it, you will also stop freaking yourself out which can fuel a little tiny emotion into a raging uncontrollable hysterical blaze.


so yes you can overcome all of your fears and Buddhism teach you the path you must walk in order to do this.
Simply practice the 3 trainings (morality, concentration and insight) as best as you can.

Here is a better message board to ask questions that will be answered by people who knows what they are talking about when you need guidance and have these kind of questions.
http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/
you can find many great resources there as well.

New Buddhist is interesting but please keep in mind that it is populated with a mismatch of people brand new to Buddhism, speculating with often little to zero experience, very little understanding and knowledge of the material, mixed with a few knowledgeable members.

Victorious

Good answer patbb.

I agree Buddhism is the best "tool" to overcome negative emotions. For fear I have had best experience with cultivation bhavan with the body as object. Cultivate awareness of the body and its parts as well as the relation of the four elements in the body to the external elements.

Good luck

NomaDBuddha

@ Victorious : I try to be as aware as I can, while dealing with my fear...the only thing is that I realise how my fear came to exist, but I can't do anything to stop fear from "spreading" inside my body and mind.

Roger

If I may be allowed to jabber a bit:

I think fear is attached to attachment. HAHAHA! I'm attached to a body so I am afraid of getting injured and losing it. After I die? If I see something in the bardo with a knife coming at me? I will laugh!

I fear losing my house so I imagine it burning completely to the ground and try to imagine how I will go on and I realized I WILL go on.

Fear of losing loved ones? Hard to say this but: I'll adjust and move on.

Fear is real but you can lessen it and just see it as something you'll deal with when it happens. Is it happening NOW? No! You probably have a few hours or days or years to relax!

When a dreadful situation happens, you grab yourself and jump, it comes at you and you plunge yourself into the appropriate action with a little dash of fear on the side.

Some things to think about.

SherabDorje

http://www.angelfire.com/electronic/awakening101/zen-fear.html

zidangus

Could it be your strong desire to eliminate your fear that actually fuels the fear in the first place ?


Metta to all sentient beings

NomaDBuddha

@ zidangus : Bingoooo !

Roger

@ zidangus : Bingoooo !

Yup. Even POTUS FDR was cool, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

fivebells

yes you can overcome all of your fears and Buddhism teach you the path you must walk in order to do this.
Simply practice the 3 trainings (morality, concentration and insight) as best as you can.

Actually, if you follow the link in the post you were rebutting, you'll see that that's what I'm doing.

"Overcome" is harmful language in this context. NomaD could easily misunderstand you. ("I simply, just want the excess fear to go away...I simply feel that fear is a drawback for me...I want to escape this prison.")

New Buddhist is interesting but please keep in mind that it is populated with a mismatch of people brand new to Buddhism, speculating with often little to zero experience, very little understanding and knowledge of the material, mixed with a few knowledgeable members.

Heh. Yes, I am ignorant. But I stand by what I said, here. Buddhist practice will not help NomaD to "get rid of the fear."

Roger

Your choice of the word "imprisonment" in the subject line gives me a clue. I might be wrong.

A total guess on my part but I'll try anything to help somebody: maybe get out of the house more, rent or attend a few dozen non-threatening movies a week, do stuff you wouldn't normally do! GET OUT THERE! Jump in: the water's great!

Just a guess. Can't hurt. Might work!

aMatt

@ zidangus : Bingoooo !

Yup. Even POTUS FDR was cool, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

Hmm. Perhaps fear is a normal thing? I would consider fear to be the word we associate with the feeling that arises when the hypothalamus squirts hormones after interpreting a situation as dangerous. Fight or flight.

So, perhaps being fearful in a situation with bullies is quite reasonable!

Then, if you want to avoid the fear, untangling the perception of "bully" would be a reasonable course. Metta for instance. Noticing how your judgement chokes your compassion for them. Noticing the danger you feel. How you let their actions push you into judging them or the situation. How getting called names is painful. Those kinds of things. Aim for the cause, not the result... the result is simply an arrow, pointing toward the cause. Instead of being afraid of the fear, you can use it to find the roots of your dissonant perceptions. Like the bat signal.

Remember, they are children, acting in ways that make them feel a momentary sensation of "better" and are moving into greater suffering because of it. That's sad!

With warmth,

Matt

NomaDBuddha

Two things that I found out these days.
1. Reading 'Way of the peaceful warrior' I found out that I should convert my fears into anger;
2. Some of my fears are instinctual (whenever I go alone to my friend's house, and find out that the entrance to his block of flats is "guarded" by time wasting chavish people who, would try to mock nearly any single person passing in front of them); some of them are just irrational ( always dreading to go to that place because I don't want to be mocked; the fear of being beaten up by six people if I say something to 'defend' myself );

Now, what should I do next ?

driedleaf

Fear is part of not knowing. The more we experience the less we fear.

NomaDBuddha

@driedleaf

I know fear is part of not knowing. But, as Soc told, I fear the unpredictable this that happen.*taking sunglasses off* I can't deal with them.

driedleaf

Fears can be dealt with it just takes time. I have fears now and then, but when I sit down and really think about them, I realize that I'm actually not afraid. So I'm not 100% sure about fears and how the originate, to me it doesn't matter, I just know that I don't spend too much time thinking about fear, and I guess that makes me fear a little less I guess. I believe fear has little impact on my life as opposed to other things like desires and needs, but some people will think differently.

regards

NomaDBuddha

It takes a lot of time. I don't know if you read my other threads about my own fears, but I can tell you that they appeared and installed out of nowhere, like a trojan virus. And it affects my judgement whenever , let's say, I pass by someone with whom I don't want to see because either he'll try to mock me, either he'll try to bully me. With bullying I'm fine, I know martial arts, I've been attacked by two guys when I was a kid and beat them both, but that's another story.
The problem is, that I still don't know how to get rid of this virus.

Paradox

NomaD, have you spoken to a doctor? I think medication and therapy might be more effective at addressing your problems than Buddhist practice alone. There are some great resources out there on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy that is designed to overcome the kind of fear and anxiety you speak of.

NomaDBuddha

Well... I don't find my fear something to make me visit the doctor. 99% of the time I'm a calm man, without any worries at all ( except some days ). The 1% of the time, I am afraid because of some...don't know how to call it..but it's just like Pavlov's reflex. I go to a place, I expect to see those people there, and by some judgement I expect them to 'attack' me. That's the problem. To get rid of this idea.