job vs. life

pearl

Hi there,
so my job is overtaking my life. I think about it all the time. I work on weekends. I enjoy what I do and it helps people. But, at times I can't stand the never-ending work. Somebody help me.

Inji-gyo

What would you be doing on the weekends if you were not working?

DaltheJigsaw

What would you be doing on the weekends if you were not working?

Right...:)

DaltheJigsaw

Hi there,
so my job is overtaking my life. I think about it all the time. I work on weekends. I enjoy what I do and it helps people. But, at times I can't stand the never-ending work. Somebody help me.

What do you do and what you are doing is it a hobby?

Cloud

@pearl, You're not working, you're helping people. It's not your job, it's your skillful karma! When you're at work, be at work. When you're at home, be at home. Don't try to be anywhere else or think about anything else; just be where you are, doing what you are doing. Be mindful, be the awareness watching sights arise, sounds arise, thoughts arise, and everything pass away. Breathe.

compassionate_warrior

You need to make YOU a priority, so you don't burn out. If you burn out, you won't be available to help people. Everyone needs R & R, it's part of leading a balanced life, a middle way. Renewing oneself in nature, or reading, listening to music, meditating, enjoying the company of friends, etc. are just as important as work. Workaholism isn't a middle way. Take care of yourself, for your own sake, as well as for the sake of others.

Dakini

Pearl, I second what CW said. Speaking from experience, burnout isn't pretty. You need to build self-care into your schedule, and have a reasonable work schedule. Humans weren't made to live to work, but to work to live. You could find yourself in a real black hole if you let yourself get too run down, and the medical system in the US won't be able to help you! Schedule a massage for yourself a couple of times/month if you can--massages work wonders, reduce stress, improve your outlook, and do good stuff for the nervous system. Sounds like you need it. Also sounds like you've become a bit compulsive about work (= attachment). Take a look at that.

Sometimes if we're in a line of work that involves helping people, we may feel that the need is so urgent, that we have to throw ourselves into it and do everything we can. This is a hook. If we burn out, we won't be of any use to anyone. A change of perspective may be in order. Good luck. Let us know how you do.

pearl

Thanks for the wise words, guys. I needed them.

Mountains

I enjoy what I do and it helps people

It's not helping you, and that's the most important thing. I'm going to take a wild stab at it and say you're an American (as am I). Assuming I'm right, did you know the rest of the developed world thinks we're nuts for working as much as we do? And you know what? They're right. We are. We work ourselves into the grave. It's great to enjoy and be fulfilled by your work. But it's another to let it kill you. You simply *must* take time off to recoup your mental faculties and recharge your physical body. And two weeks a year isn't what I'm talking about. Most Europeans get 3-4 times as many days off a year as the average American, and they take them without feeling guilty, or without their employer making them feel guilty about it. In my experience, employers often make you feel like you're cheating them for asking for time off. It's silly, and it's killing us.

Dakini

Are you self-employed, Pearl? Kinda sounds like it, but maybe not. Hopefully it's not your supervisor or employer who's pushing you to these ridiculous hours. It sounded like it was mainly you who was doing the pushing.

lightlotus

In my experience, employers often make you feel like you're cheating them for asking for time off. It's silly, and it's killing us.

This is what happened to me, I had a sly boss who would pretend to be my well wisher tell me to not do so much but then pile the work on, i ended up seriously sick in hospital and it was that moment of me realising i had become a corporate doormat.

Even when the consultants were making it clear that i had no work life balance i never saw that till i had a bad period of ill health and my contract was terminated out of the blue - the overworker who did 3 peoples jobs got tossed out. Now i reflect on how I was in the wrong to allow any one thing consume my life. I have a better balance now.

Pearl, keep an eye on your health and stress levels stop when you cant sleep anymore because your brain is running a 100% thinking of work (I started meditation to switch this off)- thats the point it will build up and potentially make you very sick.

take care

ll

pearl

Hi Lightlotus,
thanks for sharing your experience and I'm sorry that happened to you. How did you find balance? Did life naturally change when you started your meditation practice?

Hi Dakini,
no I'm not self-employed, but it is mainly me doing the pushing. I never seem done with my work and so it spills into evenings and weekends. I feel ineffective, so I try to work longer, which seems to make me more ineffective.

Hi Mountains,
I think the Europeans have got it right! Even if we can't take as much time off as them, we could still cultivate that sense of savoring life. Gosh, I want to enjoy life, not constantly struggle through it.

Deformed

I have a "job dilemma" myself. In April, I am getting married. The week following, my fiance and I would like to take time off to relax and travel somewhere. My boss is unreasonably strict as far as taking time off, and because one other person is off that week, I have been told I cannot take the week off after the wedding. There are plenty of other employees to cover, and that is not the issue. The issue to my boss is her "policy". Her entire life seems to revolve around this workplace, which is her decision.

I have been at this job for 11 years. I see the reality of the situation and am working to consider where reality is taking me. I do not find the job challenging anymore, and I just graduated with a BA in Art. I am considering taking this situation as a "cue" to just find another job, which would be temporary, before we move to another state toward the end of the summer.

I realize this isn't all about me, but I certainly felt this is very unreasonable, considering the time and hard effort I have put into the job over the years. Instead of taking it personally, I am looking to compassionately putting in my 2 week notice in a month or so.

lightlotus

Hi Pearl,

I cant stress it enough to draw a line as I never ever did this with my work life balance till i became so stressed out overworked and very sick. It was almost a rock bottom moment (Must say its a positive thing as this made me change my lifestyle totally).You know its like deformed just said 'how the bosses life seems to evolve around work' I got suckered into that lifestyle too as they promoted me three times more i worked more i was given the promotions. That started this weird cycle of me working almost 10 hrs a day! I have mentioned this a few times on this site but I was lying in a hospital bed and hooked up to a bunch of machines (scary i know!) and a nurse (an annoying and nosey one!) said how many hours do you work a week? I lied and then they said what type of work do you do? what exercise do you do? oh you poor thing your suffering so much! that was the point where this nosey and annoying nurse made me see how i caused all this suffering! She helped me wake up to the fact i was alloying myself to be taken advantage of. I started studying buddhism while in hospital. Meditation and Buddhism has just opened my eyes to everything that I was doing wrong and was allowing me to regain my health and quality of life. (I still need to maintain the meditation concentration though)

My advice to people in this situation is this: The quickest way you can find a balance is to remember one thing...if you were not there what would the management do? Find a replacement! When your sick from over working and burning yourself out and potentially making yourself very sick, there is only one of you!


Deformed, do it sounds way better than doing anything that doesnt challenge you!

still_learning

I know I had a good day at work when I don't remember what I did that day.

TreeLuvr87

This is just a thought, but could you maybe do some thinking on why you feel ineffective? Are you setting unrealistic expectations for yourself? Nothing can be truly perfect. You really sound like you are doing the best that you can, and you've got to be compassionate enough with yourself to recognize that in every single moment - even the ones where you truly feel you're NOT at your "best."

I hope that peace and love help you through this time. It's very admirable that you dedicate so much of yourself to this job.

DaltheJigsaw

I have a "job dilemma" myself. In April, I am getting married. The week following, my fiance and I would like to take time off to relax and travel somewhere. My boss is unreasonably strict as far as taking time off, and because one other person is off that week, I have been told I cannot take the week off after the wedding. There are plenty of other employees to cover, and that is not the issue. The issue to my boss is her "policy". Her entire life seems to revolve around this workplace, which is her decision.

I have been at this job for 11 years. I see the reality of the situation and am working to consider where reality is taking me. I do not find the job challenging anymore, and I just graduated with a BA in Art. I am considering taking this situation as a "cue" to just find another job, which would be temporary, before we move to another state toward the end of the summer.

I realize this isn't all about me, but I certainly felt this is very unreasonable, considering the time and hard effort I have put into the job over the years. Instead of taking it personally, I am looking to compassionately putting in my 2 week notice in a month or so.

Good luck!
What do you plan to do with your BS in Arts?
Where do you currently work?
I would suggest looking for another job like you mentioned.

Deformed

I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the degree, as many art students can say. I just know I enjoyed the process of getting formal training and insight from some great instructors and students. My plan is to pursue a Masters in either art or psychology. Right now, I work in an unrelated field, which involves a lot of customer service. Thanks for the feedback. I plan to find a job more beneficial to people and myself.