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A MASSIVE life changing um PROBLEM? I understand it but don't at the same time.
I remember the first time it happened, in the school yard in grade 7 or 8 a friend of mine looked at me laughed and said "your gay", I was devastated I believed it with my whole being NEVER having thought about it before, I thought it was true. Ever since then in a way I have always for some reason, whether it be from that event or something else, I have always felt I was gay inside. Yet so IRONICALLY I do not, I have been with plenty of girls, never with a man. I've watched both types of porn lol, but.. I don't even like gay porn. This feeling is so strong and I feel so sad knowing the pain and hurt it caused me over the years, please give me your all, why do you think it is?
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or put another way, words are more powerful than weapons.
People can affect us for such a long time, with what they say. The wound from a cut disappears and heals in time, but somehow, the injury of words lingers for ever.....!
Do you feel a sense of loss for not actually being gay, or a sense of aversion that you thought you might be?
Either way, you simply are who you are. It doesn't matter where your sexual persuasion lies, providing you can be happy, serene and content with yourself.
It certainly doesn't matter to us, it really shouldn't matter to you.
Sexuality is a very fluid thing, and you needn't worry about trying to view yourself as gay or straight. I applaud your ability to remain curious, and would encourage you to stay that way. It would be ok if you were straight, bi or gay... the main concern is when you relate to people, do so authentically. Intimacy is a precious jewel, no matter what genders share it!
With warmth,
Matt
Either way, you simply are who you are. It doesn't matter where your sexual persuasion lies, providing you can be happy, serene and content with yourself. It shouldn't matter to you." This is really great! I DO feel a degree of loss when I think I am not gay.. why!? I was also thinking my Father and Mothers DYNAMIC! It was something I always had this guilty antithesis about!(They are very unhappy) I am almost positive a key lies there! It makes my eyes tear up with happiness, to know how much the answers and Buddhism have helped me, to feel and see clearly again, I am more wholly each day!
I was absolutely devastated. Such a simple comment, but it really affected me. I had never even thought until that moment, that I had a big nose. No one had ever said anything about my nose before, and I remember becoming very self conscious about it, spending hours looking in the mirror and hating my nose. TO THIS DAY I hate my nose. All because of something ONE KID said on a school bus.
Incidentally, the next year in the 9th grade Shane shot himself in the head under a bridge next to his house. He left a note for his father that he was miserable. Someone so good looking, so perfect seeming, who pointed out a flaw of mine, had killed himself.
As sad as it was that he died, in later years I think back on it, and how I let someone affect my self esteem all the way into my adulthood when he himself was miserable with his life.
Anyway, I think things that happen to us when we are young are pivotal, or can be for many of us.
It's all perception. Do I have a big nose? I'm not sure. I think I do, yet people tell me I'm pretty, beautiful, etc., so my nose must not be that bad, right? I've even asked close friends, and some say it's a little big, and others have said no, it fits my face perfectly.
So are you gay? Is that the question? You certainly aren't gay because some kid said you were any more than my nose is big because some kid said so either. But, maybe my nose is big, I'm okay with that thought, knowing I don't have any problem finding boyfriends or attracting people, so who cares. And if you are gay, who cares about that too? I highly doubt the kid MADE you gay, right? So either you're gay (or bi) and that kid happened to be right, albeit mean, or you're straight and some words from a kid stuck with you and invaded your sense of self.
The bottom line, as others here have said, you are what you are, you are who you are, big nose, gay, straight, or otherwise. Bottom line, IMO, is that it doesn't matter who you are, who you love, or what you look like. You need to wake up every morning and be content with yourself.
Remember, Buddhism teaches mindfulness of the present moment. So even if you are feeling unsure of your sexuality, that's okay too. Be mindful about being unsure. Does that makes sense?
Best of luck to you.
you commonly hear that people "suddenly realized" or "found out they were gay later in life", but the difference between these people and you is that they never investigated whether or not they were gay. they never scrutinized themselves. they never ACTUALLY had the thought "am i gay?" and wondered with an open mind, allowing themselves to really see their feelings for what they are. denial is a common stage for most people struggling with their sexuality. does this make sense?
i am gay and yes, it was initially a shock. and yes, i denied it for a while. however, my initial realizations that MAYBE i could be gay, never came from something another person said about me. it came from when i suddenly started to realize that my feelings toward the same sex were not what i thought them to be. it came from me having dreams involving same sex partners and the way that i found myself reacting to such dreams.
it appears to me that you have a fear that being gay will just happen to you. or perhaps that because another person says it, that it might be true. but the reality of the situation is that determining you're gay has NOTHING to do with what others say and EVERYTHING to do with how you feel inside. and believe me, if you felt these things, you would know. the only reason it took me so long to realize that i was gay was not because the feelings appeared suddenly, looking back i realize they were always there, it was because i had never honestly and openly asked myself this simple question, "am i gay?"
Tom x
The point is, you've got to let it go. It was such a long time ago. That person isn't important to you anyway. Why value someone's opinion who isn't important to you, or who isn't even an expert on the matter? You've got to logically reason it out with yourself over and over again (could take months) until you really feel ok with yourself in your heart. You've got to throw as many logical reasons to let go, at yourself because one of them will stick, and will help you get through this.