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My brother
Talisman
Veteran
My brother can be a VERY difficult person, at times. My girlfriend and I recently moved in with him and so I've had a lot more contact with him in the last 6-8 weeks. He is a very lonely and confused individual. He had been living by himself in a run-down trailer without a fridge, furnace, or oven for about 2 years (technically he's been living in the place for about 10-12 years, he took over the lease from my mom 3-4 years ago.) Before moving in, I cleared out about 4 dumpsters worth of trash and hoarded clutter, had an old car towed and scrapped from his driveway, compelled him to install a new furnace, fridge, and oven, recarpeted, painted, installed new faucets and showerheads, repaired holes in the walls, and cleaned up significant water damage.
For the first 6 weeks or so of the process, which includes the 3 weeks leading up to moving in, and the first 3 weeks of living there, my brother was extremely hostile and very difficult to deal with. He frequently expressed that it is HIS place and that he is doing ME a favor by letting me be there. That it is MY fault that he has had to clean up everything, and that he has the power to kick me out whenever he wants. This is obviously led to a lot of anxiety off the bat, as me and my girlfriend were walking on eggshells every day.
Combine this with the fact that he smokes weed all day, every day and that we was drinking every other day. And when I say drinking, I mean DRINKING. He doesnt drink during work, or every day, but when he does he drinks copious copious amounts of Vodka. I mean at least a fifth of liquor every time he drinks. This has led to serious conflict as his anger and resentment become hostility and hate when he has been drinking.
About a week ago, this cycle led to him making some very egregious and harmful statements about myself, my girlfriend, our parents and family, friends, and life in general. He was purposely hurtful, and we spent the next couple of days looking into finding a new place to live.
My mother was able to speak with him, and he eventually apologized for his behavior over the last couple of months and stated that he was ashamed of himself and didn't want us to leave him alone. I convinced my girlfriend that it would be the right thing to do to stay and use this as an opportunity for us all to improve one-another, especially since the entire reason I moved in was to save money to get back to college.
Since the big fight, he's been a lot more manageable and friendly, and seems to be more mindful of his behavior. I noticed that he was drinking on St. Patrick's day, but I couldnt find any liquor just a couple of beers, and he was careful to keep it simple and quiet. We havent had any conflicts yet, and it's just day-to-day for now.
Every now and then he says things that make me pretty concerned. He often takes pride in the fact that he is a shallow person, and often objectifies women while at the same time feeling alone and undervalued himself. He also says that he doesnt care about money but all he ever talks about is what he would buy and things he would do and places he would go if had lots of money. He seems to be very conflicted in his beliefs, often ranging from aggressive christian dogma, to self-loathing nihilism.
I try to help him by leading by example. I keep my space and body clean and orderly. I don't drink or smoke, and I'm making plans for getting back to school. I meditate daily, and cook my own meals, and try to express the values of compassion, patience, tolerance, and loving-kindness. I'm far from perfect, and I see this situation as a great opportunity to improve my practice and to become a more patient, tolerant, and compassionate person as well.
This post wasn't necessarily to ask for anything, I just wanted to share.
For the first 6 weeks or so of the process, which includes the 3 weeks leading up to moving in, and the first 3 weeks of living there, my brother was extremely hostile and very difficult to deal with. He frequently expressed that it is HIS place and that he is doing ME a favor by letting me be there. That it is MY fault that he has had to clean up everything, and that he has the power to kick me out whenever he wants. This is obviously led to a lot of anxiety off the bat, as me and my girlfriend were walking on eggshells every day.
Combine this with the fact that he smokes weed all day, every day and that we was drinking every other day. And when I say drinking, I mean DRINKING. He doesnt drink during work, or every day, but when he does he drinks copious copious amounts of Vodka. I mean at least a fifth of liquor every time he drinks. This has led to serious conflict as his anger and resentment become hostility and hate when he has been drinking.
About a week ago, this cycle led to him making some very egregious and harmful statements about myself, my girlfriend, our parents and family, friends, and life in general. He was purposely hurtful, and we spent the next couple of days looking into finding a new place to live.
My mother was able to speak with him, and he eventually apologized for his behavior over the last couple of months and stated that he was ashamed of himself and didn't want us to leave him alone. I convinced my girlfriend that it would be the right thing to do to stay and use this as an opportunity for us all to improve one-another, especially since the entire reason I moved in was to save money to get back to college.
Since the big fight, he's been a lot more manageable and friendly, and seems to be more mindful of his behavior. I noticed that he was drinking on St. Patrick's day, but I couldnt find any liquor just a couple of beers, and he was careful to keep it simple and quiet. We havent had any conflicts yet, and it's just day-to-day for now.
Every now and then he says things that make me pretty concerned. He often takes pride in the fact that he is a shallow person, and often objectifies women while at the same time feeling alone and undervalued himself. He also says that he doesnt care about money but all he ever talks about is what he would buy and things he would do and places he would go if had lots of money. He seems to be very conflicted in his beliefs, often ranging from aggressive christian dogma, to self-loathing nihilism.
I try to help him by leading by example. I keep my space and body clean and orderly. I don't drink or smoke, and I'm making plans for getting back to school. I meditate daily, and cook my own meals, and try to express the values of compassion, patience, tolerance, and loving-kindness. I'm far from perfect, and I see this situation as a great opportunity to improve my practice and to become a more patient, tolerant, and compassionate person as well.
This post wasn't necessarily to ask for anything, I just wanted to share.
0
Comments
It sounds like your brother needs professional help. Does he maybe have PTSD?
It's tougher with family
I sense that keeping things simple would be good. Like asking if he enjoys drinking? That usually takes some wind and secrecy out of the guilty system. And laughs and other outlets.