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Stuck in a rut. Bad.
Hi, all.
I'm the type who needs change in order to function. I love change; routines bore me. However, my current life is incredibly routine. I have the same schedule week to week (the same classes day to day) and it's messing me up. I have clinical depression and was doing very well, and converting to Buddhism helped a lot too. But we're 3/4 through the school year and I've been forgetting so much of what I learned when I first converted. I'm in a rut.
I feel like I'm gonna go insane if I don't get out of it. Can anyone help me out? What would the Buddha do? What would you do?
I'm the type who needs change in order to function. I love change; routines bore me. However, my current life is incredibly routine. I have the same schedule week to week (the same classes day to day) and it's messing me up. I have clinical depression and was doing very well, and converting to Buddhism helped a lot too. But we're 3/4 through the school year and I've been forgetting so much of what I learned when I first converted. I'm in a rut.
I feel like I'm gonna go insane if I don't get out of it. Can anyone help me out? What would the Buddha do? What would you do?
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Comments
(I'm always the one to ask that.)
Welcome.
Thanks for the help so far.
Maybe schedule something that you have always been wanting to do in between (if you don't feel you have that many) - but only take a short course or do it once so it doesn't become another routine thing. Even if its just a simple thing as going to a certain place in town or something, this can make things seem more varied.
Also, no need to stress about how things are the same all the time. Impermanence is given^^ So by meditating you can understand impermanence better, maybe this could be one approach that is 'Buddhist'.
Or, recognize that there is always some routine (you will have to wake up and go to sleep daily, or brush your teeth and eat and such), or some other thing that you do daily but probably doesn't bother you that they are routine. So try to find out what you do feel is 'mandatory' to do every day, and think of its importance to you in the light of your goals and if doing it really matters to you and makes you happy.
If you want to visit places or see new things, either do it if you have the time (or see how you can make time for them), but recognize emptiness in stuff. There is always some things that make us annoyed, the fact that you don't like routine is not in the nature of 'routine' but of you. Its is probably some kind of wrong attachment to the idea that things have to be different, maybe someone drops in some more insight on that as personally i'm only just getting there as well.
But just from my experience, last year i was really annoyed by the fact that every day i had to wake up early to go to lessons. Because i messed up my planning things got piled up and i failed a few subjects and have to take the relevant tests this year. Since i did already attend the lectures i now only have to go to take tests once every few months, but if i like i can also attend this years lectures. I can wake up at midnight if i like. In a way it is exactly the way i wanted to study (when i want, where i want etc). But now i have discipline problems, so i waste my time and am later unhappy about it. Those early lectures and labs were actually great inspiration for me. I get annoyed with the subject itself which wasn't an issue before. But im starting to see its my own mind, and hopefully i'll improve with that. Its just like the saying 'If you got shit in your pockets, it smells wherever you'll go'. Our feelings don't really change when things change, but when we acknowledge them and do what we feel has to be done (maybe change some things that can be changed and such).
Maybe ask yourself 'do i really want to do the things i do?'. Try to be very detailed, and recognize your feelings about them. Don't just stress over something general.
For example, personally i used to be unhappy when i read about the destruction of the environment (like cutting down forests and such). So i started to look into my way of living (shopping lots, keeping lights on and such) and i saw it was also me who took part in this, not "those people". So i changed some of my habits and gradually stopped being angry at people for doing what they do. I still occasionally feel "oh those people are just so stupid and ignorant", but usually i just have to look to myself to see whats wrong that i have to change. General opinions are usually wrong, probably thats also the reason why we have to put so much money into science for scientists to actually find out something new. So while E=mc^2 can applied to lots situations, 'all people are stupid' proves itself wrong pretty quick. So maybe 'routines suck' may also have to be put under more careful study
Besides, what even is a routine, can you show one to me? That thing doesn't even really exist (because it requires both your idea of past and future to be true). But i don't trust that you imagine either your past or future right, so you can't even see your 'routine', because if you think about it a little, you see that even what we think of when someone says 'routine' is changing. Well i fail at explaining stuff, maybe just google 'emptiness in Buddhism' cuz thats what im trying to get at...
My $0.02^^
off topic: that draft function is epic. By correcting the last sentence i just deleted this whole post XD
I then got into town, spent a night in a motel and refreshed myself, visited who I wished to see, and then I walked back. Nobody realizes these days that the fun is in the journey not the destination, it really was one of the best times of my life and I plan to do it again sometime.
Haha, Zayl, that sounds amazing. I wish I had the ability to do something like that. Unfortunately at 15, it's just not possible. But damn does that sound cool.
:clap:
:cool:
Good luck on your next trip.